#cause for me like: i could excuse a really badly paced story if it had fun characters i was invested in

[ravs6709]

“You bastard, are you the <<Big Brother>>?”

LIKE FROM 1984???? who the fuck is this guy im

This plus your way later ask about someone else made me laugh because like. You already met the 3rd protagonist. It was buddha

As for this guy actually he's the protagonist of the authors' other work the world after the fall who. Ig he made it out of his own universe??? And from what I've read so far he hates regressing he's always been one to always push forward so that would explain his reaction to kdj (who has regression stigma so...)

[crazycookiecrumbles]

Her Favorite Lawyer (2)

A/N:  reblogs/comments desired/appreciated greatly. I don’t know if I’ll do a third part, I mean I SORT OF, have an idea if I turned this into a story, but I really just wanted to write a date.

Main Masterlist ​

Pairings/Characters: Matt Murdock x Reader

Warnings: talks about violence (bc Frank Castle is a treat), drabble, no warnings, really, some kissies

Summary:  In the middle of a heatwave, you find none other than Matt Murdock in your neigborhood.

WC: 2,691

After everything that had happened with Frank Castle’s case, you knew that it’d probably be a little while before you saw Matt again. You may not have been in the court room that afternoon, but you’d heard about the outburst that had gone down and you knew that that was the worst possible thing for an attorney to get out of their client.

To be quite honest, you didn’t expect to hear from him at all ever again. The rumor around the courthouse was that Frank’s outburst effectively destroyed the small firm of Nelson & Murdock, which made you feel disappointed. They were some of your favorite attorneys, simply because they were polite, they never shouted, and they always kept a decent pace when you were on the record. To hear how badly the Castle case had taken them down, it was disappointing for you.

But, funny enough, one day after all of this Frank Castle, Punisher chaos happened, you were out and about one Friday afternoon after work. You were busy getting a few groceries you needed before heading home, debating whether or not you’d even use these groceries when you got home, or get takeout and use the excuse that buying groceries meant you totally deserved a treat on top of it.

Stepping out of the grocery store, you were heading home when you spotted Matt Murdock feeling different oranges from the fruit basket outside. Tilting your head to the side, you casually strolled over to him and cleared your throat to announce your presence.

“Ah, Ms. Reporter, how are you?” Matt asked you before you could say anything.

You smiled in surprise, “How did you know it was me?”

How could Matt explain that he had been thinking about you, wanted to see you, but was trying very, very hard to not appear to be a stalking psychopath?  His trial was over so he had no reason to head back to the courthouse any time soon, thanks for that one, Frank, and he was currently on the outs with his best friend, Foggy, Karen, and wondering what the hell happened that cause Frank to turn like that.

But, damn it, stalking really was the truth for a situation like this.

“Your perfume,” he said after a moment. “I recognized it, it’s very distinct to you.”

“Can I take that as a compliment?”

“Please,”he nodded.

“Good,” you replied. “It’s nice to see you again, Counselor. I’m sorry about your case.”

He snorted, “Are you? You don’t have to be polite.”

You shrugged, “It’s one part polite, one part genuine. You had a very, very interesting, difficult case. You know? Damned if you do, damned if you don’t type of situation. He was obviously very hurt in his service to his country and as a result, well, you get the Punisher, but it’s so….so not black and white like Reyes was saying. But what do I know? I generally distrust attorneys as a rule of thumb.”

Matt was intrigued by this. He understood this baseline level of sympathy from Karen, but from you? The reporter who only experienced this case from the morning to the afternoon each day? It was curious, and he did want to know more, given that he himself was working on this.

“You must not want to talk about work right now, though,” you said quickly with a laugh.

“Actually,” Matt cleared his throat. “What do you think about him?”

“Him, or the case?”

“Him.”

You shrugged, “I’ve only got half the info, but it’s tricky, isn’t it? On the one hand, he shouldn’t be a decider of people’s lives, right? On the other hand, all these people he’s killed, that’s exactly what they do, or they traffic women and children, rape, murder, exploit the honest, the good, the young…why should we punish someone who is trying to do the right thing that the law can’t do? Which, by the way, the law is bound by an old, archaic system designed for and by the white man to protect just that.”

“And yet, you’re a court reporter.”

You shrugged again, “I have no standing in these matters, I just write down what is said.”

“So you support the Punisher?”

You sighed, “I wouldn’t give him a gun, but I wouldn’t block his way, either.”

“That is a very lawyer-y way to say you support him.” Matt teased.

“I think this case is way more complicated than just a yes or no-type of an answer, you know what I mean?”

“I understand,” Matt said.

You watched him. This man’s head was tilted off to the side. With the way his mouth was drawn into a tight line, brow furrowed, you felt like you had already ruined his day. Maybe Frank had been his client, but it seemed like Matt was simply representing the man and ignoring his own bias against him, as a lawyer should do.

“I feel like you definitely don’t like me as much now that I’ve said what I think about Castle,” you cleared your throat and looked around. “So this was fun — “

“I respect your opinion, and it is yours to have,” Matt said thoughtfully after a moment. “He is no longer my client, the case is over, and he is in the custody of the law, now. I don’t see why anything related to Frank Castle should come between us.”

“Yeah?” You raised an eyebrow, “You’ll love my opinions on the death penalty, then.”

“Is that so?”

“Oh, yes. I think we should have hourly hangings in Times Square, and create Twitch livestreams out of them.”

Matt snorted in amusement and smiled softly, “I’d heard reporters had a special brand of humor, I didn’t realize how dark it could get.”

“Oh, you have no idea, Mr. Murdock.”

“Maybe you can educate me over dinner,” he offered. “If you aren’t busy at the moment.”

You laughed a little nervously. You’d basically just told his man that you  understood why the Punisher did what he did, this man, a lawyer, one who you were certain had a tendency to lean towards the ‘good’ side of the law, given his client history and the types of cases he took on.

Yes, you stalked him online.

Yes, you definitely enjoyed what you saw, and the reviews you’d find of him online.

“You mean to tell me, even after what I just said about the law, lawyers, Castle, you still want to have dinner?”

“Despite our difference in opinions, I do find our conversations to be interesting, and the reasoning behind your opinions is insightful, even though it’s different from my own. I just think that we could have, maybe, fun talking about anything else other than the law.”

“Well, having dinner with you does go against my anti-lawyer beliefs, but I think we have the potential to find a good balance here,” Matt offered. “If you’d like.”

“Sure,” you glanced down at the grocery bag in your hands, “I do have to put this away, though. Would you mind? I don’t live far.”

“Not at all, allow me —“

“No, no, I can carry them,” you said as you two started walking.

“A blind man can’t carry groceries?” He teased.

“You know what? Yes. That’s exactly my reasoning,” You snickered. “I can’t risk you tripping and crushing the ice cream in here, Murdock.”

“I would, too, if I don’t like the flavor.”

“Yeah?” You told him your favorite flavor, “How do you feel about that?”

“Like I may fall over and take your bag with me,” He joked, reaching for your bag.

You laughed and slapped his hand down and out of the way while he chuckled, his hand instead resting on your arm for guidance as the two of you walked the hot city streets together.

“Smooth,” you commented under your breath.

“Thank you,” Matt smirked to himself.

~*~

After arriving at your apartment, you quickly put your groceries away so that you and Matt could get going. Matt pretended not to notice you texting on your phone the second you entered the apartment, and he feigned knowledge that, given the sound that each key emitted, that you were telling someone, a friend, clearly, that you and a man were in your apartment together, and that you told them exactly who it was in case you were mysteriously murdered or disappeared.

Well, he had to give you credit there, you were thorough.

“I didn’t even offer you water,” you said after a moment. “Sorry. Do you want any?”

“Depends, will you poison me?”

“Only if you turn out to be some undercover serial killer,” you remarked as you poured him a glass. “Just need a sec, and we can get going, okay?”

“Sounds good. Thank you,” Matt took the water from you and sat down by your kitchen counter. He shamelessly listened as you left a quick voice message with your friend about where you were going and what you were doing.  Matt was learning the type of person you were, careful, considerate, funny, which lead to you being charming in your own way.

“Let’s kick it!” You said, leaving your bedroom with a different purse and grabbing your keys off of the counter.

You and Matt made it all of three steps out the door before the background humming of lights and air conditioning suddenly turned off. You both froze in place, Matt listening to the sound of every single light in the building going off, followed by air conditioning, the elevator shutting down, and people now shouting in anger.

“Power outage, I think,” Matt said. 

“Shit,” you muttered under your breath, “Great. All my stuff is gonna go bad — fuck that, we should see if it’s just the building or — “

“The neighborhood, I think,” Matt said after a moment.

Curious to know if he was right, you walked towards the hallway window. Sure enough, the power was out for at leas ten blocks out, and that’s just from the direction you could see. Sighing heavily, you chewed your lip before spinning around. “I should call you a cab, send you home now before mayhem breaks loose. Not that it’s a bad neighborhood and you’ll get murdered here, but who knows if it’ll go to the rest of the city and — “

“But what about all that ice cream you bought? Can’t let that go bad,” Matt reasoned. “If, you know, you wanted company to help finish it.”

“Thought my ice cream taste was unacceptable?”

“I’ll allow it.”

You pondered on this for a moment, “I do have food that’s going to go to waste now since the power’s off and I don’t know when it’ll come back.”

“It would be a crime to let it go to waste. I’d have to report you.”

You chuckled, “Well, Matt, no funny business, okay? I’ve got a gas stove, a lot of knives, and people that know I’m with you.”

“Please, Y/N, I’m just an honest, Catholic man.”

“Oh, god.” you rolled your eyes and laughed, “The depravity in that sentence alone is incredible.”

Back in your apartment, you were gathering candles, lanterns, and your hand-crank radio. Matt listened as you explained all the supplies you had for ‘just in case’ moments like this. He sat at the counter and listened to you rattle off all the things you had to eat in your refrigerator. With a gas stove ready and a couple of candles lit, he was assisting you in reheating some old leftovers, and using the excuse that he wasn’t familiar with your kitchen in order to bump into you and press up against you from time to time. Of course, you were wise to this, but you didn’t exactly mind. 

You ended up sitting at your kitchen counter together, Matt wondering why he was offering to take you to dinner when your cooking skills alone were enough to have him wanting a second and third date already. Eventually, you moved on to the ice cream and other snacks you had in your freezer. It was almost like the two of you were children left in Wonka’s chocolate factory.

As much as it may have pained you to admit this, this was one lawyer you could get along with. Aside from that Punisher talk, chatting with Matt was easy. He was funny, sweet, charming, it lead to you accidentally making a Ted Bundy joke, but, thankfully, he laughed it off rather than saying you were right, grabbing a knife, and hacking you to bits.

While you were listening to the radio together, you glanced over to Matt and noticed chocolate at the corner of his mouth. You reached up to wipe it clean, and he froze for a moment before straightening up and twisting his body to face you.

“I think you’ve got some on your face as well,” he commented as he pulled your stool closer to him and reached up to cup your face with both hands.

You laughed, “Yeah? What, you see that?”

“No,” Matt replied. “I’m just making an excuse to kiss you.”

You squeaked quietly as Matt began to lean in. You leaned in as well, meeting him halfway before your lips tentatively brushed against his. Matt smirked and kissed you with a little bit more pressure, fingertips dancing along your jaw and feeling your hair as he tilted his head to the side. 

Suddenly the lights came on, the hum of your air conditioner returned, and you groaned as you realized you ate your bodyweight in ice cream for no reason.

“I guess you could say our kiss was electric,” Matt joked.

“Ugh,” you laughed and cringed. “You’re awful, Matt.”

“Yet, you still kissed me, Y/N,” he replied. Matt tilted his head to the side, a smile on his face, tongue running along his lip until he could hear a commotion taking place outside. He cleared his throat and straightened up,  “I should get going, I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

“This was definitely an interesting first date, Matt,” you said as you walked him to the door. “At least let me call you a cab?”

“That’s all right. I’d like to walk, actually.” he said as he reached your door. “Don’t worry, I won’t trip into traffic.”

“Darn, I really wanted to see something funny on Twitter tomorrow morning,” you sighed while he shook his head at you.

“You’re dark, Y/N.”

“Yes, yes I am, Matt. Hopefully that’s not too much of a problem for you to handle.”

“Actually,” He cleared his throat. “ I look forward to it on our second date. Maybe we can get to go somewhere next time. Brunch?”

“Next time, hmm?” You hummed and smoothed down the collar of his shirt as you stood in front of him, “I could get behind that.”

“Good,” Matt leaned down, lips ghosting over yours as he spoke, “Good night, Y/N.”

Pouting, you quickly squished his face together in your hands as you leaned in and pressed your lips against yours. You pulled away, leaving him with a giddy smile and a dazed look, “Good night, Matt. Text me when you get home.”

“But I don’t have your —“

“I programmed it when you were busy going over the intricacies of a Meyer lemon versus a regular lemon,” you replied. “Fascinating chat, by the way.”

He chuckled and shook his head, “They have important distinctions.”

“Oh, I know, I know. Dweeb,” you teased. “I mean it, text me when you get home so I know you’re not dead.”

“Of course,” Matt nodded his head. He stole another kisses from you before leaving your apartment. After a moment, you shut and locked the door behind him, leaning against the door with a satisfied sigh.

Meanwhile, once he was outside your building, he marched right into the alley. He took a pashmina that was laying around your apartment and wrapped it around his head as he ditched his walking stick, jumped onto a fire escape, and ran to catch up to the theft he could hear taking place from your apartment building.

[sunlight-moonrise]

Patience is a Virtue (Ralvez x Reader Imagine)

Summary: It’s all fun and games until Luke shows up, and he doesn’t like when his lovers mess around without him. 

A/N: Hey heyyyy. We have here a PolyAm Ralvez x Reader fic. This is my first time writing a threesome and it was a lot harder than I thought. Once again, a big thank you to @imagining-in-the-margins​ for making this story nice and neat for everyone. This is my NSFW story dedicated to the lovely @httpnxtt​ Enjoy!

Category: Smut

Content Warnings: M/F/M Threesome, Oral Sex (Male & Female Receiving), Fingering, Penetrative Vaginal Sex, Unprotected Sex, Edging/Orgasm Denial, Spitting/Spit Swallowing, Degradation/Praise, Slight Marking

Word Count: 3.2K

Masterlist

Tick. Tick. Tick.

I stared at the grandfather clock by the wall, watching the larger hand tick as each second passed by at a slow and tortuous pace. I absolutely hated waiting. I wouldn’t consider myself to be an impatient person, I just didn’t appreciate my time being wasted. There are a bunch of things that I could be doing right now, such as making out with my boyfriend, but I had to wait. Why? 

“Please stop tapping your foot,” Spencer said, “you’re making me nervous.”

Because our boyfriend said so. 

Luke was back at Quantico, doing god knows what, while Spencer and I were instructed to wait for his return. This was not unusual, Luke regularly asked us to wait for him. He didn’t want to miss out on the fun. His excuse was that Spencer and I spent more than enough time without him already, since the both of us were in a relationship before he met us. However, it has been hours already, and I was terribly, utterly horny. 

Tick. Tick. Tick. 

I groaned loudly as I shifted my body towards my boyfriend. He glanced at me shortly before returning his attention back to whatever was on TV. 

“Spencerrrr,” I whined, my hands making their way towards his legs. He gently caught them with one of his, placing them back on me. 

“No, you know what would happen if we try anything.” 

A shiver went down my spine as a flash of a memory resurfaced. Luke had us both on our knees, making us take turns sucking him off. His pleasure was the only priority for that evening. Of course, he made it up to us the following morning with breakfast in bed and an orgasm each. 

That was a fun time, but the memory only made me crave Spencer even more right now. 

“Please baby, I want you so badly. I promise I’ll make it worthwhile.” My hands slowly glided back to his pants and this time he didn’t push them away. 

“We shoul-” a groan cut him off as I slightly squeezed his growing erection. 

“How would he find out?” I moved my body closer to his, pressing my chest against his arm. “I’m so wet for you Spencer, please.”

“I-I don’t know. Luke would be really upset if he finds out.”

“Just one kiss. Or two. That’s all, I promise.” 

I moved to sit on his lap, making sure his hard erection was against my clothed center. I pressed my lips against his throat, enjoying the sound of the small gasp he released from his mouth. 

“I won’t tell him if you don’t.”

I continued to press small kisses against the column of his throat as I slowly grinded my hips against his. Spencer placed his hands on my waist, his grip still shy and hesitant. I had him almost where I wanted him, I just needed to push a little bit more. 

“And what do we have here,” a low voice stated from behind me. I felt Spencer tense underneath me as we both locked our eyes on our boyfriend. Luke was leaning his weight against the wall, his face void of any emotions. But Spencer and I knew better. 

“Hey there babe, we were just uhhhh warming up for you. Right, Spence?” I turned my attention back to Spencer, hoping he will help soothe the predicament we caught ourselves in. However, he stayed silent, his head facing downward in a state of guilt. 

“I could’ve sworn I said no touching until I got back. Or was I mistaken?” 

“Well, you see, what had happened wa—” My attempt to swindle our way out of any punishment was cut off. 

“I don’t want to hear it. The both of you go to the bedroom. Now.” 

Spencer stood up, with me practically having to jump off him to avoid falling on the floor. If I had to bet, I’d say he was more excited than scared. He would never admit it, but we all know he loved Luke’s punishments. I was just the more vocal one between the two of us. 

I followed after Spencer, going through the usual protocol. Luke likes us to be stripped down to our underwear. We sat on the bed, a good amount of distance between us so that Luke wouldn’t try to add another penalty to whatever he was going to give us. 

We waited a few minutes before the door opened with a creak. Thank the mighty above that he decided not to make us wait for many more hours. 

I kept my eyes downwards, waiting for further instruction. I heard Luke make his way towards Spencer before a sharp gasp was heard. The lewd sounds of sucking and moaning almost made me turn my head. Luke knows I love watching them together, but I can’t lift my head without permission. I did my best to keep my eyes on my lap as I heard them make out with one another. 

I don’t know how long I waited, it could have been a few minutes or a few hours, before I heard them finally pull apart. Between the deep intakes of breath from the both of them, I assume it was a lengthy amount of time. 

“I am proud of you for at least following this one rule cariña,” Luke panted, his words coming out a bit husky as he still tried to catch his breath, “Look at me.”

With greedy eyes, I looked at his face and took him all in. His lips were red and puffy, the leftover saliva keeping them moist. His hair was wild, as if a certain genius ran his hands through it. His chest moved up and down, eventually dwindling to an even pace. 

He came closer to me, tucking two of his thick fingers under my chin to lift my head up so that I can focus solely on his lustful dark brown eyes. “Spencer,” he called, eyes still on mine, “come here.” 

Within milliseconds, Spencer stood up next to Luke, awaiting further instruction. He was always more of a doer than a talker when in this role. Luke grabbed his hands as they took a few steps away from me. “Let’s give our darling girl a little show. Take my clothes off me.” 

With greedy and excited hands, Spencer removed Luke’s button-down and undershirt. His fingers traced the soft skin of Luke’s chest as he made his way toward the pants.  He took his time taking off Luke’s jeans and socks, enjoying the few moments at being on his knees in front of our man. 

Lucky son of a bitch. 

When Luke was finally in his boxers, he told Spencer to take a seat on the bed again before coming back to me. He grabbed my waist, forcing me to stand and pulling me against his body. He was so cool, which help to calm my overheated skin. 

“What should I do with you, cariña, hmmm?” 

I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t want to give him any ideas. He rubbed small circles on my hips as he contemplated what to do with me. He hummed a small tune while his eyes displayed a playful mischief.  

“Ahhh, I have an idea. Babe, lie down on your back for me. You deserve a treat,” he told Spencer while he removed my underwear. 

As soon as he released me, I went straight to Spencer. I knew what Luke wanted us to do without him outright saying it. I straddled Spencer’s waist and shimmied up to his face until my core was level to his mouth. 

“The other way,” Luke called out, “I want to see you.” I hastily switched position, almost falling to my side. If it wasn’t for Spencer’s hands on my thighs, I would have had a face full of blankets right now.

“Go on.”

And with that, Spencer started using his mouth on me. I gasped as he slowly left soft kisses before moving his tongue from slit to clit in a tantalizing motion. I was already wet from earlier, but I was practically a puddle now. If there was one thing that Spencer was amazing at, it was eating a girl out. Or well, giving oral in general. He is a giver and knows how to work that amazing mouth in multiple ways. 

I cried out when he closed his mouth over my clit and started to gently suck. He groaned when I pressed my hands down on his chest, the vibration causing my body to shudder. His hands on my thighs kept my trembling body as steady as possible. This is going to be over quickly if he continued on like this. I picked my head up to look at Luke, watching as he took in the scene in front of him.

“Give her a little more Spencer.” 

A thick, long digit slowly replaced the tongue that was inside me. Similar to his mouth, Spencer was talented with his hands. Those dexterous fingers were a gift, and I was a happy recipient. His mouth returned to my clit, his tongue flicking against it as he curled his finger in a come hither motion. I let out a whispered curse as my eyes closed. 

“Put another finger in her, Spencer.” 

Spencer did as he was told, sliding a second digit inside of me. My high pitch moans were in harmony with the boys’ heavy breathing. I tried to stay still, but couldn’t help but grind slowly against Spencer’s face. I focused my attention back at Luke, only to see him softly fisting himself behind his boxers. Damn, I want nothing more than to have a closer look at him.

As if he read my mind, Luke came closer, his fist still pumping his thick cock. My mouth salivated in an instant, craving the feel of salty skin gliding against my tongue. I stuck my tongue out, hoping he would be nice and give me what I wanted. 

For a moment, I thought he would do just that as he released his dick, removed his boxers, and climbed on the bed, straddling Spencer’s lower waist. Instead, he grabbed my hair harshly, forcing me to look up at him. With my mouth still opened wide for him, Luke looked directly into my eyes as he spit in my mouth. Without prompt, I swallowed greedily, showcasing my tongue for him again.

“You’re such a dirty little bitch, cariña,” Luke laughed. The sweet pet name combined with the degrading title had me whimpering for more attention. I wanted more. I needed more. I moved my head, just enough to capture Luke’s lips with my own. Luke quickly pulled away to glare at me while I wore a coy smile on my face. 

“You greedy little girl,” was all he said as he delved back down. His lips were always soft, which contrasted with the way he would roughly kiss me. His stubble rubbed harshly against my face, his tongue sliding greedily against my own. His hands still fisted in my hair held me in place as he controlled our intense kiss. 

The feeling of two tongues inside of me had me rising closer and closer to my climax. My legs started to shake as a shiver went through my spine. I focused on the pleasure they were giving me. I moaned loudly into Luke’s mouth while Spencer continued the even pace of his fingers and tongue. I was so close to my release and just when I was about to let go, Luke pulled away from me and said the worst two words a person could hear at a moment like this. 

“Spencer, stop.” 

Spencer instantly paused his movements, my orgasm waning along with it. I glared at Luke, telepathically telling him how much I hated him at that moment. 

You fucking smug haughty beautiful bastard. 

“Fix that face before I change my mind about potentially rewarding you,” Luke stressed out.

I immediately pouted at his words, casting my eyes down so that he didn’t see the anger that still lingered within them. 

“Cariña, move down. Spencer, stay just like that,” he said, his voice carrying a softer tone as he moved down a bit to make room for me. 

Just like before, I shimmied my body down until I was at Spencer’s waist. With Luke’s help, Spencer’s boxers were tossed somewhere across the room and I was hovering over his length. Spencer and I both gasped once he entered me. I slowly moved my hips down until he was bottomed out inside of me. Luke placed his hands on my waist as he moved me up and down, controlling the pace. 

Spencer’s fists were clutching the sheets beneath him as he tried his best not to buck his hips. We were both trying to be good to avoid further punishment. It was bad enough that we’d barely seen each other’s faces this whole time. Luke knew I was a sucker for Spencer’s orgasm face. 

Luke pressed a kiss on my forehead and dipped his head to leave bites and kisses on my throat. I could feel my body heat up the more his plush lips pressed against me. He released my waist, silently telling me to go on as he continued his descent, nibbling and marking the skin on my chest and stomach. 

I nearly screamed once I felt his lips and tongue on my sensitive clit. From the way Spencer’s hips staggered and moans increased in volume, it is safe to assume that Luke was avidly lapping the both of us. The sound of deep whines, heavy moans, and high squeals occupied the bedroom. The coil in my belly was getting tighter and tighter, a telltale sign that I was once again rising close to the edge. I just needed a few more thrusts, a bit more pressure. 

I barely noticed when Luke pulled away, but I did register the deep timbre of his voice saying, “Stop.”

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, not again. Spencer’s hips stuttered, but didn’t fully stop until Luke smacked and harshly gripped his thigh. 

“Luke, please,” Spencer begged, as if he was a wounded animal. I also shared my displeasure at being stopped for the second time in a matter of minutes. All Luke did was chuckle at us, amused by our antics.

“Good things come to those who wait,” was all he said as he stood up. 

He instructed Spencer to sit up and lean his back against the headboard while I go on all fours facing him. We quickly followed suit, hoping to finally get some kind of release. 

“Good, now cariña, I want you to be nice and let Spencer use your mouth.” 

He didn’t have to say more. I happily open my mouth to allow him entry. The mixed taste of the both of us further invigorated me to take him deeper in my mouth. 

“You can touch.” I heard Luke say to which Spencer eagerly accepted. He held strands of my hair in his large hands, but did nothing else. I glance up to see his face scrunched up in pleasure, mouth open while his head leaned back on the headboards. I loved looking at him like that, it was arousing and encouraging. I moved my head up, leaving just the tip in my mouth. I swirled my tongue around him and sucked a bit harder, relishing the way he tightened his grip on my hair. 

I felt the bed dip as Luke got on it again. I knew he was behind me, feeling the heat he emitted on my skin. He rubbed two fingers against my already slippery folds, spreading the slick everywhere. I heard him sigh before once again placing his hands on my hips, the blunt head of his cock thumped against my clit. I raised my hips higher, presenting myself as an offering for his pleasure. 

Luke entered me slowly, lazily, taking his time so that I could feel every inch of him inside me. I moaned and gurgled around the cock still in my mouth. Spencer’s hands yanked me off him as he took deep breaths. His eyes kept darting between Luke and me, pleading for someone to allow him to do something. 

“Go ahead babe, you’ve been so good for me,” Luke praised. 

Spencer looked at my face, silently asking permission. I nodded my head, opening my mouth again for him. Still being the soft sweet boy for the night, he gently entered my mouth, lightly moving my head up and down. 

Luke started quickening his pace, smacking his hips against mine. His balls would slap my clit the harder he thrust in me. The contrast between the rough and hard from behind with the soft and gentle from the front had my mind spiraling. 

“You like this don’t you,” Luke growled out, hunching his form so that his chest was pressed against my back, his words being hissed at my ear. “You like being filled up at both ends.”

All I could do was moan as they both used me. I maneuvered one hand to massage Spencer’s balls, sucking harder with every up stroke. The extra stimulation was just enough for him to cry out and release himself. He came like a freight train, heavy and fast and all too much all at once. I couldn’t hold it all in my mouth and Spencer slipped out of me with the leftover fluid landing on his lower stomach. 

“It’s your turn now cariña,” Luke moaned. He hitched one of my legs up and the new angle had me seeing stars. I couldn’t hold in the cries and shrieks no matter how much I wanted to. I was wailing as I finally, finally, was given release. My arms were too weak to hold me up so I had my face pressed down on the sheets beneath me. 

Luke continued to pound harder and faster inside of me, chasing after his own release. His grip on my hips got harder, his nails digging into my skin, as his pace stuttered to an uneven pace. A few more thrusts and he had my hips pressed against his as I felt him spasm inside of me while I continued to contract around him. 

We stayed like that for a few minutes before he pulled out and went to the bathroom. I was still trying to catch my breath while Spencer was in a nearly comatose state. Luke returned with wipes in his hand as he cleaned the both of us from the sticky mess we made. He led me to the bathroom to relieve myself while giving Spencer some water. He also helped us put our pajamas on. Soon we were all cuddled up in bed, holding on to each other with happy, sleepy smiles gracing our faces. 

“I love you guys,” I said, snuggling impossibly closer to them. Spencer giggled at my antics, his long limps wrapped around the both of us before drowsily mumbling he loves us too. We waited, peeking one eye open to see if Luke would say it back.

“I love you guys too, even if you’re both a couple of brats.” 

We laughed with him, because we all know that he loved our bratty sides the most. I drifted to sleep, in the comfortable embrace of the men I love most in the world.

[weebswrites]

The Demon Bros: Their Dark Side (combining these two asks because they have very similar energy^^)

- if anyone is interested I can write a part 2 to this where MC and the demons reconcile hehe -

Lucifer (TW: attempted physical assault (not sexual))

He’s the avatar of pride, so the event that causes him to snap is when you accidentally tell the bros about how the two of you like to unwind (rated pg)

You didn’t think it’d be a big deal, they’ve been brothers for how many thousands of years?

But Lucifer erupts, suddenly in demon form

He stands over you, roaring his hand back as if he were going to slap you

Beel stands up and intercepts Lucifer’s hand, grabbing his wrist with all his strength and saving you

You wince, falling back a bit into Asmo’s arms, and he hugs you close

“MC!!!” he yells, rage obvious in his voice

“Asmo…what did I do…” you whisper, voice quivering in fear as the love of your life just snapped and almost hit you

“I think he wanted that to stay private, he doesn’t like us to know that he relaxes…” he whispers, “Don’t feel guilty, he shouldn’t be reacting like this”

“Lucifer…” you say, standing a bit straighter and looking into his dark red eyes, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know”

“You should have!” his voice booms, anger not subsiding at all

You look at him, eyes full of confusion and regret. You plead for him to calm down, to talk to you rationally and listen to your apologies

He growls, “The rest of you, out!” he yells, and they obey instantly. Asmo squeezing his shoulders around you quickly and Beel giving you a small smile before leaving

You ramble on for as long as he lets you about how you’re sorry and you didn’t mean to upset him

After a few minutes he cuts you off, “You didn’t upset me, you betrayed me”

His voice was cold, and without hesitation he turns and leaves the room

Mammon

You didn’t think Mammon, the avatar of Greed, would get mad about anything. You’d never heard stories about him turning into demon form, so you assumed it basically never happened

That is, until you take Levi’s side and scold him for taking more of his games and selling them

“I thought you were supposed to take my side no matter what!” he yells, two bat-like wings appearing before you

Your face gets red, and you take a step back, “Mammon…” you whisper, completely in shock

“What? You’re actually surprised that I’m pissed off right now? Humans really are idiots!”

You take a small step behind Levi, and he puts his arm in front of you, a bit of a shield from Mammon

“Mammon, calm down. They’re right and you know it, you just let your greed override your sense sometimes. Listen to your partner, they’re trying to help you” Levi defends you

“Yeah, Mammon, please. I don’t mean to insult you, I just don’t like seeing you always hurting others and stealing their things just to get money”

“I’m the avatar of greed, damnit! What do you expect?! You knew that before you started dating me, you can’t act like this now just because we’re dating”

“Mammon, I just want what’s best for you. There are better ways to get money than backstabbing your family!”

You’re definitely a bit afraid, but you’re not going to let him walk all over you

You bicker back and forth, arguing in circles before he storms off to his room, slamming and locking the door behind him

Leviathan

You’ve been hanging out with a new friend more and more, and he gets envious

You reassure him that he’s just a partner that you got assigned for a class, nothing more, but Levi can’t help but be jealous that its not him

Until one night when he asks if you can binge the new anime that came out, and you tell him that you have to meet with him to work on your project

“Why!! Why are you constantly with him, talking and laughing and working and everything!” he screams, voice cracking with emotion as he transforms into demon form

“Levi, I’ve told you it isn’t like that! The professor assigned us together, I didn’t even know him before this!” you defend yourself, exasperated with your boyfriend’s jealousy

“I don’t care!! You need to make time for me instead of him! He’s probably funnier than me, and he’s obviously handsomer than I am, you’re probably ashamed of always being seen with me so you’re trying to be with him more!”

“Levi, please. You know I love you and only you” you say, voice half caring and half irritated

“Yeah, right! See if I care, go be with your real boyfriend then, see if I care” he says, crossing his arms and exhaling aggressively

“Levi, no. I can reschedule if this is going to be a problem tonight, but he’s my partner. We have an assignment to do”

“No, go. I’ll watch the new season on my own. You probably don’t even like anime, you liar!”

“Levi!! Please, love, you know that isn’t true”

“I can’t trust you, not after this. Just go, have fun with your real boyfriend” he sneers, turning his back to you

“Fine!” you snap back, leaving his room and slamming the door behind you

Satan (18+ language)

You’re chatting about a book that’s supposed to be released sometime this year

“I heard that the ending is super cliche, the main character was unconscious the whole time or something overused like that”

“You what?!” he exclaims, transforming into demon form

“Fuck…Satan…I forgot…” you whisper, stepping a bit back as you remember how each brother took time to tell you to avoid spoilers at all. costs. with satan

“You sure as hell did!! I can’t believe you!!” he screams, running a hand through his hair in anger

“It’s probably not even true…I doubt the author would do something like that” you mutter, trying to save yourself from his wrath

“I don’t care!! There’s the chance now that that’s how it’s going to end, you know how my head works, now that’s all I’ll be able to think about while I’m reading!! Damn it!!”

He’s pacing back and forth, heat radiating off his body as he tries to control his anger

“I can’t forgive you for this” he states, voice cold

“Satan…” you whisper, stepping towards him a (tiny) bit

“Get away from me…” he scoffs

“Satan, please…I’m so sorry” you plead with him, desperate for him to forgive you, “I know how badly I messed up, I know. I would do anything to undo it, or to make you feel better. Please just forgive me”

“Anything, huh?” he retorts, smirking at you

“Yes, anything, please” you say, resisting the urge to step towards him again

“Then leave. Get out, I don’t want to look at you right now”

You feel your heart break and sink in your chest. Tears well in your eyes, but Satan stays silent, eyes unwavering at your emotions

You leave, walking slowly to your room, tears rolling down your cheeks

Asmodeus (drinking mentions)

You’re out one night at a club, dancing together and drinking (just to loosen up, not to get wasted)

You go to the bar to refill your drinks, and let a stranger hit on you, flirting back a bit until he offers to buy you a drink

You let him, because hey, a free drink is a free drink, and it’s not like Asmo hadn’t done the same thing before

Suddenly you feel a tight hand on your shoulder and you’re ripped away from the demon

Asmo drags you outside the bar, to an isolated spot beside the building

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?? Are you cheating on me??” he explodes, putting his hand against the building behind you, trapping you beneath him

“Asmo, I was just getting him to buy me a drink, I don’t even know who he is” you explain, “Why are you in demon form? It’s not like you haven’t done the same thing, you have no place to be mad”

“Excuse me?! I’m the avatar of lust, I can’t help myself from flirting with everyone, you have no excuse!” he yells, gritting his teeth

You go back and forth, him angry at you for flirting with someone else, him enraged at you for thinking he can control his urges

“Asmo, I’m always understanding of when you flirt with others, because I know it’s hard for you to control yourself. It hurts me to watch you do that, but I let you do it. I bite my tongue. I do that for you every time we go out, you should be able to let me do what you do every time at least once”

“I don’t care, I don’t want you flirting with other demons. Now let’s go, you’ve ruined the night and I want to go home”

Beelzebub

You’re snacking in the kitchen on some of his leftovers, scrolling through your D.D.D.

He walks in, “MC…”

You look up, instantly freezing when you see the anger in his eyes

“Beel…”

He erupts, “You’re eating my food!! How could you!!”

You drop it, “Beel, I’m so sorry, I thought it was okay…”

“Why, because we’re dating? That means nothing when it comes to food!”

His words hit deep in your heart, and you feel tears start to well in your eyes

All you can do is quietly apologize

“Damnit!” he yells, slamming his fist on the table hard, but not hard enough to break it

“I’ve made it so clear not to eat my food! Ever! Under any circumstances! And no one ever does!! What makes you think you’re special?”

“Beel…” your voice is quiet, “I mean…yes. I love you, Beel, I thought it would be okay…I’m sorry”

“It isn’t okay!! I’ve been looking forward to this all day and you ruined it…” he ranted, “Whatever, I’m leaving”

“Beel, no, please. Let me make it up to you” you say, getting up and chasing him out of the kitchen

But he doesn’t stop, he storms off and locks you out of his room

He’d never snapped at you before, much less turned to demon form because of something you’d done. There had been plenty of stories about Lucifer and Satan turning to demon form, and some of the other demons, but never any of Beel

You didn’t know what to do

Belphegor

He’d been sleeping more than usual, and you missed him

You knock on his door, eventually letting yourself in when he didn’t answer

“Belphie…Belphie…wake up” you whisper

He slowly wakes up, “MC…what…is everything okay?”

You reassure him that everything is okay, and that you just wanted to spend some time with him

He rubs his eyes and shakes his head a bit

Suddenly, he’s in demon form, and you have no idea what is happening

“You woke me up for that?? Because you want to spend time with me?? Ugh!!!” he yells

“Belphie…” you whisper, stepping back towards the door

“You know how much I need sleep, why would you wake me up for something as unimportant as you wanting to spend time with me!”

He’s steaming, “And don’t call me Belphie!”

You start shaking a bit, “B-Bel…Belphegor…” you whisper, feeling hurt and betrayed

“Leave!! I don’t want to spend time with the person that disturbed me!” he yells, walking towards you quickly

You flinched as he approached, not sure what he was going to do, but he just opened his door and shoved you out

He locks the door behind you, the click of the lock causing your heart to sink a bit

You place the palm of your hand against his door, “I’m sorry…” you whisper, sinking to your knees

--------------------

A/N: This got a bit general angsty, so I hope it’s okay! Thanks for the request, anon :) My inbox is open for anyone who wants to request! You can send in more than one per person, about any of the fandoms found in my post here. Love you guys <3

[neoaevis]

How Much I Love You/Hate You 3

Taglist: @ijuuy​ @brrrrrrah

Word Count:1689

Warnings: None

A/N: Aaah finally part 3 is up sorry if this is short and kinda fast paced but I wanna get into to it so yea expect part 4 is into it(the arrange marriage scene will start there proly) and I feel like the last part is really rushed but plss give me some feedback I ish need it alsoo plss chat me or ask me if you wanna be tagged.

Y/N’s POV:

The bright light of the sun hurts your eye the moment it tries to open up making you groan and stretch your arms as you were now getting up slowly from your deep slumber, you eye your room and notice the things you failed to notice the night of your arrival, your childhood room has undergone changes with example the colors that used to be in a pastel shade now in a dark shade to compliment your mature taste but you will never fail to see how all the pictures of your childhood were still on full display on the desk you used to use whenever you were studying, getting up you can’t help but smile how things change so fast the girl who was once playing around in this very room was now getting ready to enter the corporate world, you wash yourself up before coming down to the breakfast that your mom asks the maid to make every single time. The bath made you smell like a full bloom rose which is one of your personal favorites, the outfit you chose for today was the Versace mini blazer dress with a pair of black Louboutin heels and underneath is a sexy lingerie from Victoria secret, the scent you went in for today was from Giorgio Armani Sì.

As you went down everyone was in awe seeing you big smiles evident in their faces, when you were munching yourself with breakfast your mom can’t help but compliment from head to toe and tell you how much she misses you and things she plans now that you are here, her stories made you really miss her so you also told her stories about your stay in New York “Mom, did you know there was one time I was actually really drunk in this one party and when I went to class the next day with a massive hungover my shit ass professor dropped the bomb at how we have a quiz the next day because of that I had to cave myself up the whole day and review this much” you showed her your hand and she chucked at your story remembering how she was during her college days, more exchange of stories went on and that made you feel your mom’s warmth once more( well you were always close to your mom she was the only one you had growing up) the breakfast was special today not until your mom dropped a question you find odd “Honey, do you perhaps have a boyfriend or any potential husband right now?” she asks with a smile plastered on her face which makes you raise your brows “Mom, why talk about that you do remember me saying that I don’t want to get married right?” you tell her with a firm tone but she begins to sigh “You’re only saying that now Y/N, I was like that once but eventually I got married” she counters what you said but you feel frustrated “You got married and dad cheated” you tell her while eyeing her “Y/N not all men cheat, it doesn’t mean if your dad cheated all the boys cheat” she tells you to comfort you a little “Either way I have no plans on marriage, but why the sudden question mom do you perhaps plan to get remarried?” you ask her as you stand up to tuck the chair back in to leave but she replies “M-me no I prefer being single’ she said feeling flustered “ So am I mom” you tell her as you now finally make your leave to go to the company

Mark’s POV

Mark was awaken due to his alarm but truth be told he was never actually been able to sleep well ever since the day his heart got broken and maybe that’s the reason why he would drown himself from too much workload or sultry nights with different girls, as he got up he eyes his room that he never thought he would go back to because this was the room that witnessed his lovely passions to his miserable state but he knew he should not dwell into it much because he is different now, this room should no longer remind him of the girl that tore him, he should move on and be stronger to prove to her how she wronged him. Mark decided to take a shower to finally get ready for another dreadful work day, he did not really enjoy working in a corporate world rather he enjoys creating music but due to too much guilt towards his parents and how he gave up on the life he enjoyed with her he decided it was best to follow the footsteps of his parents, honestly it was hard at first but through time he learned that it was not that bad after all, today he wore a grey suit from Armani that perfectly showed his toned body.

Mark did not bother to have breakfast as it was not really his thing even though his mom insists he eats something, he was fetched by his secretary Taeil and the car ride was rather cold he did not bother to chat with Taeil like would do normally, arriving in the company he was greeted by different department heads right from the entrance and was escorted towards his office, his arrival was a gossip amongst different staffs some saying he was a “playboy”, “spoiled” ,”kind” and many different mixed opinions but one in particular has caught his attention “he got a girl pregnant before they say and the baby died” that caught him in his tracks and immediately diverting his attention towards the girl “What did you say?” he asked with anger filling his eyes making the girl feel small as she was caught red handed “N-nothing s-sir” she said stuttering “Let me just remind you, you don’t get paid to gossip you get paid to work” he said slamming the desk of the girl and immediately heading towards his office Taeil seems to catch on so he gave small apologies towards the people and then following Mark after “S-sir are you alright” he asked the moment he entered Mark’s office but Mark just signaled him to leave to which Taeil cooperated too, deep thoughts occupied Mark’s mind especially since every day he dreams of his baby that died, it always fills him with guilt how it died so soon not even given the chance to see the world.

When Mark’s father knew that he was now in his office he immediately wanted to see his son that he misses so badly, “Mark” his father exclaimed opening his door to which he smiled at “Dad” Mark replies while giving the same enthusiasm “You look great in the office son” he compliments his son to which Mark replied to with a small “Thanks” but since Mark has a meeting soon he tells his dad “I actually have a meeting in about 10 min, let’s catch up later dad” but his dad stops him as he has something really important to tell him and it’s about the most awaited event where there big announcement will be known “I actually have something important to tell you son” Mark raised an eyebrow towards his father at him being so serious suddenly “What is it dad” he asked “We are hosting a charity ball son and I need you to be present” he announced “Yes, you told me” Mark replied “But son this ball will not just be a ball but we will be merging with another company-“ but before his dad can finish his phone rings “Excuse me son” his father said but then left immediately cause he also has a important meeting, Mark just shrugged it and went on about his day as he did not really think of it as something serious.

Y/N’s POV:

You were chilling in your office when your friend Yuna barged in “Y/N,Y/N” he said with a full glee to which you chuckled at “Don’t you have a company to run” you ask her while welcoming her for a embrace, the embrace was rather long with how much you miss each other, well before coming to New York , Yuna was your best friend as you have known each other till you were in diapers “Well I do but it’s lunch time” she said with a smile on her face and a cute doe eyes, you can’t help but giggle at how adorable she is “What brings you here” you asked her while motioning her to sit while you page your secretary to bring you some tea “First of all I miss you and second of all because you are merging with the Lee family and third we need to go shopping for dresses for the ball” she said while pointing her fingers at you “W-wait what merging and what ball?” you asked her very confuse about what’s happening “Oh you don’t know?” she asked again as if she could not believe you don’t know “Well yes idk” you repeated “ Well your mom is merging your company with the company of the Lee’s” you were shocked as your mom did not even bother to tell you “Second they will be holding a charity ball to announce the merge” at this point you really don’t know anymore “When is it” you asked her to which she happily replied to “Saturday”, well it’s basically three days from now “My mom hasn’t told me about that” you tell her as you tea arrived “Thanks” you tell your secretary “Maybe she will, but at least I told you didn’t I?” she said while taking a sip of the tea. Your Mom did indeed tell you within the day that there will be a ball that you need to attend to and it’s with the Lee’s who she wants to merge with, the whole situation made you feel like you are in a very fast paced world because it’s just your first day in Korea yet there are too many surprises that awaits you.

“All Rights Reserved”  © sibehpoor  2021

[shelby-love]

JAY HALSTEAD

The Freeing Bliss of Adrenaline

Requested: yes

Prompts: none

Warning(s): angsty, happy ending

Author's note: Haven't written for Jay in a while! This will be the last one shot of the year. I've been working on imagines the entire day. Now I'll take some time off since New Year is in less than a hour! p.s. I just added some more spice to Jay’s fight! How’d you like it?

Happy New Near!!!!!

Note: It's important that you guys read my newest Hank Voight one shot to not be confused further into this one. Click here!

~

"Relax babe I'll be fine," You smiled impishly at Jay and leaned against your newest child. The large two-wheeled beauty was the highlight of your day.

But Jay eyed your Yamaha r6 skeptically. He saw a fair number of criminals die from crashing motorcycles less intimidating than the one behind you. He trusted you to be careful, but it didn't help him sleep at night any better than he did before. The damned matte black motorcycle was the cause of his nightmares.

"Just," He sighed. "Be careful."

You chuckled in adoration and kissed him. The two of you were aesthetically pleasing to see. Especially next to your large motorcycle.

"I'll see you at 7?" He nodded in confirmation and helped you with your helmet.

For effect, he slapped the top of it and didn't leave until you were out of his line of vision.

Jay rolled his eyes when you purred the engine for effect.

***

The motorcycle ride through the tunnel was freeing, especially upon exiting it.

Jay didn't understand how freeing the rides you've had felt. You left your worries behind in the dust whenever you roared the engine. You felt like you could do anything.

Your left hand is working the clutch and the turn signal, your right hand is working the front brake, your right foot is working the rear brake, and your left foot is working the gears up & down. The ride was a physical & emotional pleasure, with a layer of anxiety & adrenaline.

For a moment you wanted to close your eyes. To enjoy the feeling of freedom.

But you snapped out of it, just like every time; Jay's words rung in your mind. Be careful.

You were.

But the car that slammed into you wasn't.

***

The members of firehouse 51 arrived on scene in recod time. People were watching on the side next to their cars; the whole road was blocked with cars.

"I didn't know what to do," The officer on scene told Matt. "The motorcycle's crushing her, but I didn't want to do anything until you guys got here."

"Her?" He asked, surprised to hear it. "It's a good thing you didn't move her." That cop did exactly the right thing by not moving the weight off you until they had facility to adequately treat any injuries.

"She looks experienced," The man  sighed with anxiety, looking as if he aged 20 years in a span of 15 minutes. "The motorcycle's a Yamaha r6. Definitely not a beginner's bike."

The smoke that came from the bike was enough to quicken their pace. "All hands-on deck." Matt announced and proceeded to give out orders.

"Otis get the backboard."

"On it."

The rest of the men appeared around you. Severide at the front. It only took him a glance at your custom-made helmet to know that it was you. "Holy shit..."

"What's wrong Severide?" Cruz asked him.

"That's Y/N."

"Who's she?" The team asked him.

"Jay's girlfriend." Severide whispered. "Hey you!"

The cop turned to him, trauma in his eyes. "Call Intelligence."

"Why? This isn't a crime scene."

"That's Jay Halstead's girlfriend on the ground. Get him here now!"

Back where you were, truck was discussing your situation.

"We need to get this bike off her," Gabby said hurriedly.

"81 watch for the hot pipes," The team was working on getting it off you. "This thing's a beast, got to weight 500 lbs." Matt said.

"Okay easy guys," Sylvie had your helmet in her hands. "Possible spinal injury and head trauma."

"Okay let's get this off," All hands were truly on deck as Casey counted down to three. They took your demolished motorcycle and placed it away from you.

"Jay's gonna freak," Severide commented when his eyes fell on your leg. It was completely crushed. Red with blood and completely split in half.

"We need to get the helmet off of her." Sylvie instructed, changing places.

"Alright Mouch."

It was hard for you to decipher the voices because little did they know...

You were conscious under there.

You barely recognized Severide as he barked out commands left and right.

You felt the strap of your custom-made helmet being cut off. The pain that shot through your leg when they secured it had you wincing to the pint your lip started to bleed.

When they took it off it took several seconds for the light to push through to you. You could barely breathe, let alone move your neck to look at the firefighters credited as your lifesavers. Severide cupped the back of your neck and you could only look at him.

"Kelly..." You murmured, tears gathering in your eyes. The times he and Jay had told you to be careful...

You should have listened.

"Y/N don't move. You're okay," He reassured you but you only widened your eyes. "You've been in an accident."

Tears started to fall. "Kelly..."

"No don't speak," He said quietly.

You coughed, "The...other..."

"The other?" He repeated.

"Collision..."

They were losing you. "Hey! Y/N stay with me! What collision?"

A few meters away, Matt and Boden inspected the road and the remains of your bike. "It's dented. Like someone crashed into her."

Kelly's screams brought them back to reality and Matt ran to get you.

He crouched down, his face hovering over you and blocking the sun. "Y/N did someone else crash into you?"

More tears started to fall. "They fell...off."

Boden looked around until he noticed several aggressive lines from tires scattered around the road.

He stepped closer to the edge and looked.

Until he saw.

"This is Battalion Chief 25," He radioed. "We need another ambulance to our location. This was a vehicle collision. I repeat a vehicle collision!"

***

"She still hasn't woken up," Will told his younger brother. "The injuries she sustained were more dangerous than we thought."

"Will what the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

"There were some complications with the surgery," Will tried to reason calmly. "She started hemorrhaging. They got the bleeding under control, but they had to put her in a medically induced coma. Hey! Jay wait- "

The detective stormed outside. The ringing in his head was getting louder and the voices around him became a distant callout.

Two arms stopped him from raging out.

He pushed and pulled but the man before him didn't move.

Kelly didn't move.

"Jay man, you need to stop!"

He didn't stop. Not even when Sharon Goodwill came to break them apart herself. Jay pushed through and disappeared outside, not daring to enter a car because of what had happened to you.

Kelly and Will found him in a bar eventually.

They took him home, watched over his place as he showered the alcohol off. They helped him in bed, even pulled the covers over him like you used to.

Jay's body was warm under the covers, but deep within he was anything but.

He missed your presence in the bed, your body against his in the shower…

Even your jokes during dinner.

It wasn't the same without you. He wasn't the same.

But no one understood him.

Only you did.

But you were in a coma. Unreachable.

He hugged your pillow on which traces of your perfume still lingered and cried like a baby.

***

The man rushed at Jay, his fist pulled back by a mile to punch him. Jay ducked but the man growled and started swinging punches at him. It came to a point of giving up for the man. Jay was ducking, backing up, sliding to the side; doing all the things needed to slip right through his fingers. He moved quickly, confident in his abilities.

Jay sidestepped before thrusting his fist against the man's face, reeling the man back so he staggered on his feet. A stray of blood fell out of his mouth, but not even that was stopping Jay from doing more damage.

Whatever force had him possessed, it wasn't letting go.

Jay slammed his fist into the man's face like the impact didn't bother him at all. The man smashed into a wall, fell to his knees, and clutched his face and trembled as his head fell forward. Jay placed a foot on the back of his head and slammed his face on the ground without thinking twice. The man groaned but didn't give up.

He twisted his body under the pressure of Jay's boot and grabbed his ankle.

It really didn't take long before Jay had him completely pinned to the ground again. He started throwing punches to his face until there was nothing but blood coating his hands.

He broke his nose, knocked out his teeth and broke his jaw.

Maybe even more.

He couldn't take a better look because he was taken away.

"What the hell is your problem Halstead!?" His sergeant barked.

"He deserved it." Jay mumbled. It really was his only excuse.

"If you're not fit to work," Voight neared his face to Jay's. "I'll take you off the case."

"You can't."

Hank only shook his head, "I can, and I will. Listen… You're a good kid Halstead and I'm sorry for what happened to Y/N but that's not an excuse for what you just did, and you know it."

"Get yourself together." Was the last thing Hank told him before he disappeared.

His girlfriend and the newest member of Intelligence took pity and came to his side. "She's going to be fine, Jay."

"You don't know that" Jay mumbled.

She only smiled sadly, "I've been there."

"You ride motorcycles?"

She shook her head with a roll of her eyes, "No. I was shot while working for the FBI. Hostage situation. I was one of them. A part of the reason why I joined special operations but that's a story for another day."

She leaned against the car with him, "As I was saying... I was badly injured, Jay. The doctors had to put me in a medically induced coma too."

"How'd you get through it?" He asked. She shone in a completely different light to him now.

"The people that mean the most to me were by my side. For me it was family that helped me push through and fight," she sighed, her hands twined together. "You're her anchor Jay. And if you're not being strong for her... Who will she lean onto? Who will help her push through and fight?"

"Doctors believe hearing stories in parents' and siblings' voices exercises the parts of the brain responsible for long-term memories." She recalled what was once told to her.

 "Hey detective! Sergeant Voight is asking for you," A police officer yelled a couple yards away. Voight's girlfriend smiled and Jay could swear that he could see blush taint her cheeks. Jay and you won 20 bucks a few months back thanks to her and her blush.

"Be what your sergeant is to me."

Jay nodded smiling.

Before she was out of his line of vision she turned back and yelled to him, "Maybe take a shower too! I heard that helps!"

He rolled his eyes at her.

***

When he sat at your hospital bed, he didn't know what to say. Every word mattered to him. It's been weeks since the last time you opened your eyes.

And in those weeks a lot of things happened to him.

He hoped that now, after all that had happened, he was good enough of an anchor for you to hold onto.

He grabbed your small hand in his bigger one and kissed the back of it. You looked peaceful. Not your usual bubbly self; the version of yourself that lived for adrenaline and everything life had to offer.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you," He started, brushing a stray strand of hair from your face. "I didn't know what to do…"

"I had your bike fixed," He informed quietly. "Although I don't think you'll ever want to sit on one again."

He paused. "But then again… You're batshit crazy."

Jay spent a long time talking to you about a million things. He made up for the times he failed to be there with you.

"Detective Halstead?" A nurse had joined him in the room. "Visiting hours are over."

"Oh," Was all he said. "I guess I should get going?"

She smiled sadly.

With a torturous sigh, he leaned down and kissed you. A tiny piece of his heart broke at the lack of response your once warm, now cold lips gave him. "It's not the same without you."

***

Chicago's cold wisps of air hit him without mercy the moment he stepped out. No one really payed him much mind. Occasional glances from girls that were passing by was something he was used to.

He was searching for his car when a figure jumped in front of him.

"Geez Will," Jay sighed. "The hell is wrong with you?"

"Nothing," He was beaming like a madman.

"Whatever it is you came here to tell me, just say it." He grumbled.

"Y/N labs came back."

Jay stopped in his tracks and turned to face his brother. For the first time in weeks he had hope shining within his irises.

"And?"

"She pulled through. They'll wake her up tomorrow."

Before another word could leave his mouth, Jay hugged him like his life depended on it.

It did in a way.

He broke down at the parking lot in the arms of his brother having gotten the best news ever.

"Let's get you home bro. You'll see Y/N tomorrow."

Tags: @lorenakaspersen​​ @fofisstilinski​ @short-potato​​ @miranda0102​​  @saracabbage​​

Let me know if you want to be added to my tag list (pinned post on my profile)! 

MASTERLIST

[sylvie-writes]

Fighting For You

word count: 1530

request: Hi! Hello! Hey! I saw part of your conversation with the girl that is dating a cop and I was wondering if she’s okay with it of course, if you could use the “I’m fighting to come home to you” thing in a Steve x Reader thing?

a/n: this is part 1 of (undetermined) of me trying to finish requests that have been sent in ages ago. IM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT AND THE QUALITY. it’s been hard to write but hopefully these will do. this was originally at 100 words, so i added some random subplot to bring up the count and I tried to make it relevant to the story. anyways, this isn’t proofread much so please excuse any mistakes.

It had been weeks of radio silence that often left your mind pacing while you tried to go through the day. Everything was gonna be fine.

Those five words became a mantra for the time being since Steve left and while he had warned you that no communication was a possibility on this mission, you still couldn’t help but feel anxious that something had gone wrong. Steve was never one to give up. 

It was a solo mission meaning Natasha, who you trusted to babysit Steve, was currently not with him. Instead she was playing babysitter for you and had now lured you into a personal “mission” at the orphanage. The redhead had recently divulged the secret that every Thursday afternoon when she disappeared for hours on end that she wasn’t out for a workout regime, but instead visiting the angels who so badly needed some adoration.

That night Steve left for his mission, Natasha had taken you out to dinner and a few drinks led to cries of sorrow and laughter. Tears pricked at her eyes and your own, when Natasha revealed that she didn’t want these kids to have an experience such as her years as an orphan. Somehow your conversation of the awful nachos on the bar counter had transferred into what your friend did when she disappeared midweek. When the words spilled from her mouth and she immediately apologized for oversharing, you were quick to reassure her with a fast and unexpected hug that almost knocked over the unsuspecting coffee mugs that had been sitting between you both. The mugs were empty from trying to sober you both up but they seemed to be doing nothing but getting in the way. Natasha never really opened up to you about her past despite almost knowing her longer than Steve, so this little exchange was a milestone in your friendship. 

Since that crazy dinner, you have been spending your Thursdays with the kids and Nat, putting on a fake smile that would turn genuine just at the sight of the children getting excited to see you. It took your mind off Steve, albeit for a few hours, but that was better than none. The kids always seemed to know what to say to cheer you up and you did the same for them. 

Last visit, you and Nat were given the privilege of speaking with the teens and this week you were given the opportunity to visit the little ones. More specifically, it was arts and crafts day and only seconds after walking in the door were you elbow deep in macaroni noodles and colorful string. 

About ten kids clobbered to sit around Nat as she demonstrated the making of macaroni noodles when you noticed a young girl in the corner and a social worker crouched on the ground with her, a lollipop in hand to coax the child. You could see the fear in the young girl's eyes as she clutched the tattered blanket to her chest. Those sweet brown eyes were so sparkly you were sure you would’ve remembered her which drew you to the conclusion that she was new. 

You directed two other children to Nat who was currently playing art teacher as you slowly approached the scene in the corner. The social worker looked up at you with a hopeful smile and held out his arms as if saying “all yours.” He handed you the lollipop and quickly explained that she was new before dashing off to help another worker. 

“Hey girly, what’s your name?”

You opted to sit criss cross on the floor, showing the girl that you planned on staying. She didn’t speak but instead turned to the wall. Silence filled the corner and you decided to speak up once more. 

“My name is (y/n), and I come here with my friend Nat. Today we were invited to make macaroni necklaces with you! Do you like crafts?” 

Some progress was made when you said Nat’s name and pointed her out to the child who had now turned to see what you were talking about. She softly shook her head when asked about arts and crafts and you gave a soft smile. Her hand quickly reached up to brush back a strand of short, black hair and you noticed the bracelet on her hand. It was a simple multi colored beaded bracelet that spelt out “VERA✿”

You reached out to grab her wrist and she complied, placing his arm in your hand. 

“Wow, this is so pretty! Did you make this, Vera?” She nodded her head and quietly began to speak. At this you internally jumped around with joy at such progress. 

“I like to make bracelets. My mommy used to make them with me, but then she left. Now I’m all alone.”

Her happy tone had turned dismal and a few tears crawled out of her eyes. Words never seemed to mean much to you, but her story made you choke back a sob. It seemed that the young girl hadn’t intended to spill the information, but she did, and now she was vulnerable. 

“Oh Vera, I understand it’s no fun to be alone,” You squeezed her hand lovingly and offered a comforting smile, “My friend, Steve, he had to leave a few weeks ago and I feel lonely, just like you, but you know what?”

She cocked her head at your question.

“I have other friends who take care of me and don’t make me feel lonely. So Vera, why don’t we go out and make necklaces. We can go make some friends who will always be for you, hon!”

She was apprehensive to agree but slowly stood and dragged behind you. Nat saw you come over and waved you and Vera to come join the little boy beside her who looked in need of a friend.

-

Macaroni necklaces were a success and so was getting Vera to socialize. She made friends with the little boy, Liam, and the two were the chattiest out of the whole bunch. In fact, they both talked so much they tuckered themselves out that you and Nat brought them back to their sleeping quarters with the rest of the children. Natasha stood in the hallway as Vera led you to her cot and proudly showed off her teddy bear that sat in the middle. From a distance Nat could see Vera placing her macaroni necklace around your neck as you crouched down. Vera stood back and proudly eyed her creation before giving you a tight hug.

“Don’t worry, your friend will come back.” This statement caused you to be taken aback and luckily Vera was too busy climbing into bed to notice your shocked expression.  “You told me you will come back and you are my friend, so I think he will too.”  Vera continued as she pulled her teddy bear close and you covered her scrawny shoulders with the same fleece blanket that was once used as a makeshift shield. Walking out the darkened room, Vera’s words left you wondering if Steve would ever really come back. 

-

As you and Nat drove home, all thoughts of Steve had momentarily dissipated leaving you with a second of bliss. 

Not even a moment after your laughter ceased at Nat’s story of Liam trying to eat raw noodles, the ringer designated for Steve rang and your shaky hand voluntarily went to answer.

“Steve?”

“Hey, love,” Steve’s voice came out in a hushed whisper but a rough chuckle tumbled out with it, “You sound surprised to be hearing from me?”

“I thought something had happened to you. I-”

You were at a loss of words and Steve seemed to know this. 

“(y/n), I’m fighting to come home for you. Never doubt that.”

His words seemed so sweet yet cringe so you could help but make a joke, “Wow, I didn’t know you were a motivational speaker on the side.”

Steve’s familiar laugh came through the receiver, “See, that is another reason I want to come home, so I can listen to your terrible jokes!”

Playfully offended you added, “Hey! They aren’t as bad as yours. I mean dad jokes, c’mon you can do better than that Rogers.”

“Yeah, yeah. We can settle this debate when I see you tonight.” You could practically hear the smirk in Steve’s voice because he knew darn well that he had just shocked you with this revelation of information. Your silence confirmed this for Captain and he proudly continued on.

“Well, I gotta finish cleaning up here, so I’ll see you for dinner, doll. Love you!”

All you could do was return the affection before hanging up and allowing the enormous smile to finally take over your face as it had been waiting to do so for so long. 

“So, what should I wear?” Natasha took her eyes off the road and looked at you with a cheesy grin of her own. For a majority of the ride home, the two of you babbled about Steve like middle school girls on a first date.

Steve never failed to keep a promise to you and he wasn’t planning to do so now.

[youwontlikethisblog]

La Arrogancia De La Niña

Read Posts 1-3 titled Betty, My Betty to catch up to the character analysis that I will be talking about here.

A little background: After Armando dropped Betty off he went to Marcela's apartment. He seemed indecisive if he wanted to stay or leave as he walked towards the dining table and then towards the elevator, spun and went back to the dining room while we heard Betty's monologue.

At first glance I did think Armando pulled away from Marcela because he had just been kissing with Betty. Though we know that he has been able to kiss Marcela even when he's snuck off with his models, so it's not guilt. When he goes to brush his teeth he says that he can't be kissing Marcela after kissing Betty, that if she found out she'd kill him.

From the very few interviews that I have seen about the characters I remember Jorge Enrique saying that Armando is obsessed with perfection, especially in women and because of that he is very impatient with Betty because she doesn't fit that vision of his.

Armando isn't physically attracted to Betty, that's a fact and the reason why he lives in such denial but he still acts with deliberation.

Just because he is in denial about his feelings it doesn't excuse the things he does knowing exactly what he feels about them.

Armando earases Betty's trace from him in this scene and after that he no longer feels guilty, he stares at Marcela and admires her beauty. He kisses her telling her how he needed to see her, how badly he needed her to help him forget the horrors of the day.

In this scene what caught my attention was that he makes eye contact with her like nothing. With Betty at the office he struggled to make eye contact with her or hold it. The only time he managed to was when the topic was only about work but when the conversation was over he couldn't look at her or make eye contact for longer than a second with her.

With Marcela he's able to hold eye contact, conversation, touch her, kiss her, tell her how he needs her. This parallels allows us to understand the reason being that one relationship is only based on physicality while the other one is based on person/human connection.

When their scene for that night comes to a closing Armando and Marcela are kissing and he has his eyes open and the exact same expression he had with Betty. He closes his eyes for a second and they pull away and hug. He looks confused and then rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

Here he is now feeling the effects of the kiss with Betty. He kissed her sober. He felt something again and unlike before he can't excuse it for being drunk so when he now kisses Marcela and he realizes that he feels off or not like before, he chucks it for guilt and dismisses the topic from his mind.

Now that we've got this background let's proceed to the scene at hand.

Mario and Armando go to have a briefing about the previous night.

When you're writing dialogue(if it comes naturally to you) you don't pick and choose every word used and think about the impact it holds. That is why it's so important to know your characters and understand them before you start writing. It's important to understand their role, who they are, everything inside and out, and then writing comes naturally. Once you've learned to distinguish their voice, their tone in writing your conscious becomes invisible and everything comes from your subconscious. In the first draft you go unfiltered. You pour out your tears, your blood, you whole heart into it, and when you rewrite it to polish it you go into detail. You remove the bits that don't really make an impact and you find the words that really push your point across.

Writing is truthfully, in my humble opinion, the art that truthfully transfers you and evokes emotion like no other. I paint, I write songs, I draw and I do all these other artistical things but writing, the gift that I rejected for years, is the most comforting and the most beautiful of all arts. When done right you don't only make people travel among space and dimensions but you cause a huge impact in their intelectual person. A pen and paper are the most dangerous weapons.

You might be wondering why I'm even talking about this on this post but it's important to understand and credit the true mastermind behind this story as he wrote it by himself, be it at a rush with no time, with all the time in the world, money or no money, he wrote something that impacted an entire world and inspired change.

A ruthless man falls in love with a beautiful woman.

You can say "but Betty isn't beautiful." and that's where the message is lost. Betty is beautiful. Beauty, people often think is based on the physical appearance of something or someone but Beauty is the essences of something or someone. We don't look at the sunset and think it's only beautiful because of it' colors. We look at it and think it's beautiful because of its power, of it's essences, and it's presens. We are in awe of its magnificence and that makes it beautiful.

So Betty is beautiful.

Betty is deserving of love, kindness, respect, faithfulness, loyalty, and so so much more because she is utterly beautiful.

Fernando's intention was to teach us that. That beauty is not skin deep. Beauty is the heart of someone and their impact in the people around them.

Armando isn't beautiful at the start of this. He is an ugly human being but with qualities that make him passible. To find his beauty you have to really dig into him.

The true monster here is Mario, but Armando is guilty for simply allowing Mario to continue this way.

Mario asks him if they kissed and Armando tells him that he kissed her twice.

Let's start.

"Well you know what I ended up not liking? Come over here that I'm gonna tell you more" Armando stands up and walks to the double doors and stands under the door frame of his office and the meeting room. Mario follows him.

"Imagine that this woman last night got hooked on that I couldn't be crazy about her. That I couldn't be obsessed for her. That she doesn't have enough qualities for me to fall in love with her."

What does Armando's body language tell us? Like last night, it truly boggles or frustrates him that Betty says things. It's almost like if he found it an insult for Betty to insinuate these things. Here his hand is moving vastly in the air making points of what Betty told him, his is speaking fast and his tone is frustrating all of this indicates he is offended or angry that Betty would think that of him.

in short translation: How could Betty think that I wouldn't be attracted to her? Crazy about her? Why, am I just a stupid superficial man? Who only cares about women's bodies and not who they are as a person? That she doesn't have any qualities that would drive me crazy and be obsessed with her?

Obviously he isn't going to tell this to Mario or really himself either.

"Well she isn't naive. She's seen herself in a mirror." Mario jokes.

"Of course but I had to name a bunch of qualities to convince her."

"Qualities?" he whispers.

"Yes." he whispers aggressively.

"Tell me, that imagination and creativity of yours; What qualities did you have to tell her?"

Armando shrugs and starts to mumble incoherently and Mario interrupts him.

"And did they[she] believe you?"

"Well I hope so."

"Did you kiss her?"

"I said yes. I kissed her twice." He whispers annoyed.

"What did she say? Are you both dating? Did she accept that she's crazy for you?" Mario sounds too excited with the last questions which gives the impression that he likes to hear all of this which is just gross.

Armando gives us a micro expression of confusion, it seems like his hands are inside his pockets and he shrugs and shakes his head.

"Well man that's what's weird about it. I did tell her I was obsessed with her, that I'm dying for her, but she's not of me." Mario gasps, shocked. "That she thinks I'm a very interesting man, that she admires me a lot, that I've been real special with her for a lifetime but that no, that's the only thing she finds attractive of me." Armando's quick pace but without stutters or word fillers allows us to know that he is confident in what he is saying(he's thought about this a lot) but nervous about what it means.

Mario gasps again and tells him "Do me the favor. The arrogance of that girl. You almost don't convince her, you have to kiss her two times and after that she tells you, Hey, I admire you." Between this cluster of words we see Armando thinking hard. He really is bothered or worried about Betty not really showing an interest in him.

Our egos are a huge part of who we are. We want to be liked by people and accepted, it's part of our genetic makeup. We are sociable beings. Now, if I told my boss that I admired them and that they always treated be respectfully and respected my job I think my boss would feel pretty happy about that. It would boost his ego.

Armando however isn't acting like that. If he was truly unbothered by Betty and her feelings towards him(it isn't because of the plan) than he'd just chuck it in a bin and say he'll work on it. He's literally spent two days with Betty since the kiss, he wants Betty to be fawning over him now?

His ego is hurt, his man ego. He wants Betty to like him, to like him as a man and not her boss and it isn't because of the plan because if it were than the man would understand that steady wins the race but he's an impatient man who wants Betty on the same page he's in.

"Yeah, yeah, see I think she still has that guy Nicolas stuck in her head." (ARMANDO IT'S BEEN THREE DAYS, THREE DAYS! WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?)

"No." Mario whispers.

"Yeah and I don't like it at all. Look at what she left on my desk this morning."

Now they turn their backs to the office and face the meeting room. While Mario holds the chocolate bar in his hand he tells a worried Armando:

"Aw but how sweet. Now, see this is a good sign."

"Really? Is it? You think so?" he says hopeful.

"Aw, man, please."

"Really?It is?" he looks at the chocolate bar in Mario's hand and then stares off, concentrated, in what Mario is saying.

"Look this means she accepts the relationship?"

"Really?" he whispers hopeful.

"Now you have to consecrate-" Armando shifts, now he rest his hand on Mario's shoulder and starts to bite his thumb nail as he listens closely to Mario, the love guru. "You have to eradicate from her head and heart that guy Nicolas Mora, want some?" he asks after taking a piece of chocolate out.

"Yeah, keep going." he takes a piece out too. "keep going that I like what you're saying."

Here the opportunity he's been waiting for presents itself. Betty accepting the relationship gives room for him to remove Nicolas from her love life, therefore leaves him in the center of it.

"These ugly[women] like Betty are very romantic." Armando nods. "So then you have to create a routine of a boyfriend." Armando nods, agreeing. "You have to feed the illusion, you have to maintain the relationship alive." once again Armando nods in agreement and with his hands gestures that he wants to hear more. "because starting from this point on my dear sir you are now the boyfriend of Beatriz Pinzon Solano." Armando's eyes are wide, lips pursed together(could be because he has chocolate in his mouth) and hands in pickets, he turns to his left, away from Mario for a brief second and has a face of "Are you for real?"

"But but how will-what kind of gifts, things do you mean?"

"Look brother, romance is like a bonfire. If you don't feed it the passion extinguishes. It's that simple. We shouldn't call this a win. I think Betty isn't sure about how serious your are[about your feelings]. You have to work on her more, make her fall in love and you have to show her that this is something very serious, you understand me?"

"But what kind of job that I have to do?"

That's the end of that scene.

Later when Mario and him are talking how to go about with the gifts and romantic details we get confirmation(post Thank You...) that when it comes to the physical of it, Armando pictures AA instead of Betty.

From here once again we do get a clear understanding that Armando is confused and when he's not confused(very different emotions) he is in denial of it. He is worried about the company. Mario only ever brings it up when he sees that emotions aren't motivating Armando enough to continue with the plan.

I think it's very important to understand the intention of what we are being shown here. The writing is meant to help us understand what they are saying. Words, speed of speech, gestures, expressions, and body language help us determine what is actually being said.

When Mario suggest that he take Betty to some tavern or club instead of restaurants Armando says that he doesn't think Betty will like those.

I think we've all established that Armando does care about Betty and therefore I don't need to breakdown his behavior so much. We understand that he is going along with this plan because he wants to keep Eco Moda and Betty all to himself.

Mario, The Love Guru, Calderon takes advantage of Armando's ego and his confused state of mind as of late to play him like a fidel and for some reason still when Armando finally confesses his real feelings for Betty to him he acts surprised.

Armando isn't a saint. He still willinging went along with the plan to make Betty fall in love so when Betty asked him "what about me?" he showed his true colors of selfishness because he dismissed her feelings. He dismissed the potential heartbreak and downfall of a woman who has been exceptional with him, who he recognizes as exceptional and yet for his ego and his company he used her like a pawn, even if it was his favorite one, he didn't care.

For him right now Betty is just an object that he likes a lot and these scene show us that.

[EDIT: While yes I still think Armando still views Betty as an object, this next scene shows us that that is starting to change.]

As the scene continues Mario tries to downplay Armando's guilt by saying that he's basically doing charity work because no man, especially one like him[Armando] would ever be interested in, muchless court, a woman like Betty.

Armando goes to clarify what he's trying to saying.

"You don't understand what I'm trying to say. I'm going to end up causing her harm. See I can tell it's really easy to get her to fall in love. " Now we hear from that man of the hour, how he feels about Betty's kiss though he only describes the way she kisses him, his expressions and his tone of voices allows us to see that he likes her kisses and how they make him feel, however because he thinks she's "ugly" it's hard for him to understand this.

"Everytime she kisses me it's with such a tenderness, a sweetness, where she holds my face and stares at me with such an admiration, like if I were her idol." While he says he speaks of it with fondness and I must admit, lovingly.

He doesn't hate her kisses and he doesn't hate the way he feels about them. So he didn't wipe away Betty's kisses and brush his mouth because of Betty's kisses because he was disgusted. He did it for Marcela and her ego and his guilt because the kisses meant more to him than any other kisses he's ever given, that's why the first kiss was strange. That's why he is so confused about it but what stops him again from understanding the significance of these feelings is Betty's outer appearance.

This is now trekking away from the objectification of Betty to a more sentimental route where he no longer just views her as his possession but an actual person.

The moment Calderon jokes "It's because you are her idol." Armando shuts off, he stops trying to explain himself or his feelings and annoyed asks Mario what does he think of the whole thing then?

"When we recover Eco Moda, pay off our debts, and recover our money, what then? What happens to her? What happens with that relationship?"

"Well you do what you do with every girlfriend that becomes a burden. You fire her, you get rid of her."

Remember that Armando was willing to fire Claudia, until Mario made him feel guilty for the lecture he gave him about Aura Maria. Even then after Marcela asked for her head he didn't hesitate to talk to Hugo about it, who gave him a lecture about it.

However he was hesitant to fire Betty, even before there was any romance involved. He didn't want to get rid of her so now that Mario says that once she gives them back everything they can get rid of her Armando looks at him in disbelief and angry.

Armando really doesn't want to ever have Betty outside of his life and he can't imagine his life without her in it in someway or form.

Now, Patty goes in yelling, Armando shows up, kindly speaks to Betty while aggressively speaks to Patty.

Again this display's Armando's guilt but also his desire to make Betty happy by treating her well.

[elenamiria]

A Sweet Poison

Pairing: Plo Koon x Reader

A mission goes awry when your data proves to be outdated. Specifically in the flora department. (Again this is just smut, no plot and yes it’s cliche but honestly idc) Word Count: 3K (I’m so sorry, this was meant to be like 1k but I can’t control myself) Warnings: Sex pollen and thus dub-con, daddy kink, overstimulation, p in v sex, degradation (only once), begging, cockwarming 

Tagggies: @hxldmxdxwn @fishswimbetterunderwater  Let me know if you wanna be tagged in future fics 🥰 Dedicating this one to Kenna (hxldmxdxwn) for many reasons, number one she hit 2k!!! number two plo koon is her husband and number three her plo koon thots were a big inspiration as well as her plo fics! (Masterlist here) Also if you say anything bad about Plo, I will fight you :)  That’s all! Enjoy this entirely gratuitous smut

Plo was sitting on the ground, whole body tense - his back against a large tree, legs spread. His eyes were focused on your every move as you frantically paced back and forth. Barely audible whines left your mouth and you were shaking your hands as if to try to shake off the fever that was rapidly consuming your body. 

The two of you had gone for reconnaissance for your mission. After flying over it had been discovered that there was a ledge with a clear view of a separatist hide out, far enough away that you wouldn’t be spotted and it was just a trek through a jungle away. You had done your research on the planet and informed your master that it should be safe to do so, the flora and fauna in this area had been cleared by settlers in a village not far from the your campsite. Unfortunately, in your haste to ensure the plan would go smoothly you had failed to check when the reports were filed, which was over a year ago. So now here the two of you were clearly having some sort of reaction to something, leading to your anxious pacing, as you racked your brains trying to figure out what it could be. It hadn’t taken Plo long to figure out what was happening, in his padawan days a Jedi had encountered a form of sex pollen and the story spread like wildfire as a cautionary tale and all the telltale symptoms were making an appearance.  

Most prominent was his cock straining against his pants, a direct result of the whines you thought he couldn’t hear. He was feeling the same burning heat you were and he had sat down with the intention to meditate to try to get his urges under control but with your constant pacing all he could focus on were his thoughts of fucking you until you couldn’t walk. He also was thankful that though you were his padawan, you had only just joined him. You had come to him after losing your master and though the two of you knew very little of each other you had bonded, both through the force and outside of it, quickly. It was through your bond that he could sense your increasing want, but he also sensed your rising anxiousness and pain. 

Unable to watch you in such a desperate state he called your name out softly. You froze and turned to him eyes wide, you felt yourself grow wet at his voice. You were biting your lower lip in a way that made his cock twitch and he spread his legs slightly before beckoning you towards him. You obeyed immediately, sinking down to sit in front of him and he could sense your desperation to be touched. Gently he reached out to you pulling you to him, turning you around he situated you so you were sitting in between his spread legs and his chest to your back. Wrapping his arms around your waist he pulled you firmly against him hoping that the contact would ease both of your pain.You couldn’t help but let out a sweet breathy moan at the contact, your head falling back onto Plo’s shoulder. For a moment you both sat there, it was working the burning sensation dulled enough for you to regain your senses a bit. You managed to squeak out “Plo, w-what’s happening??” His grip around you tightened causing another whine to escape and unconsciously you arched your back, wiggling to try to get closer. Plo pressed his head to the side of yours as his hands started a soothing stroking along your sides, with a quick reassurance of “Shhh, I’ve got you don’t worry” Your breathing started to even at his touch and you couldn’t help but question the whole situation again. “We need help, can’t we just call the boys to come get us?? O-or if we don’t come back they’ll come looking for us, right?”

Plo froze at your question, how was he supposed to explain to you that he had commed Wolffe when he realized what was happening and made up an excuse saying that you wouldn’t be back until much later or maybe not until tomorrow. He had no qualms telling you that but he knew you would ask why and he would have to tell you what was really happening but what he didn’t want to explain that the thought of you going back and his men seeing you desperate to be fucked and possibly you even begging them to fuck you made him jealous in a very un-Jedi like manner. As he was debating you started pressing closer to him again a small whine of his name falling from your mouth, followed by you repeating your last question, and he knew he had to tell you even if you would become aware of his feelings for you. “They won’t come because I told them not to, that we may not be back tonight” Your eyes snapped to his face and a confused look crossed yours. A pathetic little ‘why’ left your throat and he shifted uncomfortably. His hands resting on your waist squeezed slightly as he simply responded, “because we’re under the influence of sex pollen.”

There was a long moment where neither of you moved or said anything. Your brain had stopped processing at his words and you had pulled forward attempting to gather your thoughts. Unfortunately, all this managed to do was allow the heat to creep back into your body, slowly at first but once it hit you it flooded your senses. You pressed your thighs together as slick started to leak out of you unprompted, your hands itched to touch yourself and your breathing started to pick up again. Noticing this Plo eases you back into his body hoping it would help you, however this backfires as your ass pressed firmly into his cock. The Kel Dor groaned as you started to roll your hips against him, his hands flying to your hips to stop you with a bruising grip. He let out a warning growl but all that did was excite you more, your whole body was on fire at this point and you needed contact - so your hands rose to your chest, teasing your nipples over your dress. You felt Plo’s hard length twitch against your ass and you moaned his name loudly. He let go of your waist with one hand to capture both of your wrists in his large hand, muttering something about ‘inappropriate relations’. Whining you desperately tried to pull your hands away but he held firm. You tried to grind against him but he put a firm end to that by harshly wrapping his free arm around your waist and pulling you tight against him.Unable to get the friction you needed you started thrashing in his hold, crying out ‘please’ over and over. His grip on you only tightened and there was another growl right by your ear before he pleaded with you to stop moving and a reminder that you weren’t in your right state of mind. Sweat gathered on your brow and tears filled your eyes as desperation overcame you and you cried out “Plo I want you so badly!! I want to fuck me!” A moan, low and gravelly, came from Plo and he bucked into you before pushing his instincts down. “You’re only saying this because o-” “No! No, I’ve wanted you like this since I saw you Master!” You cut him off and his grip on you weakened at this confession. Seeing your opportunity you launched forward to free yourself and landed on your hands and knees in front of him.  

Before he had time to react you had spread your legs allowing yourself to lower your upper body so you could reach back to hike up your dress around your hips. Your face pressed into the forest floor but you didn’t care, not when you had eagerly shoved your panties to the side and were now rubbing tight circles around your clit, the pleasure crashed into you wiping the world around you away. A plethora of moans, whines and pleas were steadily streaming out of your mouth and you heard soft moans from behind you reminding you that you weren’t alone. Sinking two fingers into your dripping pussy you called out to your master, “Plo please, please come fuck me Master!” You heard a noise in protest but before he could speak you slurred out, dizzy with pleasure, “I want this, I want you! Look into my mind, I’ve been longing for you!!” 

Desperately you called forth all the images of you pleasuring yourself while moaning your master’s name determined to show him that it wasn’t just from the pollen. Plo’s own moans grew louder and you hoped he was touching himself as you felt him gently probing your mind. You fingers were pumping in and out slick starting to drip down your thighs as your pleas grew desperate. As the fire inside you built you couldn’t help the words thoughtlessly flowing from your mouth, an endless stream of his name and master, but Plo remained firm where he sat (though he was frantically stroking himself, having desperately opened his pants).  It was only when you slipped up that the Kel Dor finally lost control.A wild desperate cry of “Daddy please!!” escaped your mouth as you added a third finger to your pussy.  Your hand was pulled away shortly after and you felt something hard pressing at your entrance as hands gripped your hips harshly.  Another cry of ‘daddy’ flew past your lips as your hips arched higher, desperate for friction. A deep chuckle met your ears as Plo stroked your sides softly, before cooing “Are you going to be a good girl for Daddy, little one? Will you let your master take care of you?” You nodded frantically while whining out yes and rewarding you he pulled your hips back as he pushed forward slamming his cock into you to the hilt, easily sliding in with how soaked you were. A groan left his body as you enveloped him and loud cry, verging on scream, flew past your lips as you clenched hard around him in orgasm. You had been on edge and his cock stretched you in a way that your fingers couldn’t, filling you deliciously and forcing your orgasm. While you were cumming Plo set a fast pace hips bouncing off your ass, strained moans echoing around you. You were vaguely aware that more cries of ‘master’ and ‘daddy’ were trickling past your lips but it was so hard to focus with the harsh pace Plo had set keeping you on a pleasure high.  A deep hum came from Plo’s chest as he murmured “My padawan is such a little slut, isn’t she?  Cumming for me when I’ve barely touched her”

“Yes! Yes daddy I was so desperate for your cock, you feel so much better than I imagined!” Your core clenched hard at his words as you cried out your response, already fluttering on the precipice of another orgasm. Plo purred and one of his hands moved to bury in your hair, tugging your upper body up off the ground so his other hand could slide under your dress to grope at your tits, “Oh my little padawan, you take my cock so well.”  

His fingers took their time grazing and gently pinching your nipples, talons lightly brushing over them teasingly, before he continued, “Would you like to come again?” His hips slowed until he was seated deep inside you stretching, teasing. Frantically you nodded tears filling your eyes. A pleased purr echoed through Plo’s body, and his words had you clenching around his cock again, “Beg, my sweet girl” You gasped and turned your head as best you could so he could see just how much of a mess you were, voice wavering and tears trailing down your face as you began to beg. Simple cries of ‘please, Plo’ flew from your mouth but his head only tilted and a small sob tore its way out of your throat. You desperately tried to thrust your hips but all that got you was Plo pulling out and one hand moved to press feather light onto your clit, the just teasing touches caused your walls to desperately flutter around nothing and you cries and please got louder until you were babbling, “Please, please Master! Fuck me, I need your cock, you make me feel so good! No one else could ever fuck me like you daddy!!”

With that he plunged back into you setting a rapid, hard pace, finally placing pressure on your clit, his other hand supporting your upper body as your orgasm washed over you. Your whole body went rigid as pleasure made you incoherent, fingers digging into the forest floor. Plo fucked you through your orgasm whispering out soft praises of how good you felt, that you were such a good girl for him and moved his hand up to softly wiping away your tears while stroking your face. After you came down your energy left you and you went limp in Plo’s grasp, when his hips paused you whined slightly and uttered out for him to keep going - knowing how desperately he needed release, and the heat in you starting to rise again despite how hard you had just cum twice. 

Pulling out he gently picked you up as he slid back into his original position of sitting propped against a tree. He moved your limbs, as you had become fairly useless in your blissed out state, so you were straddling him and lowered you gently back onto his aching cock. You practically sobbed at the feeling of his thick ridged length sliding back into place, he held you there for a minute not moving while you grasped at his shoulders whimpering. Your walls were twitching around him and though you were exhausted after two intense orgasms you felt your lower body heating again, the familiar coil starting to build. Plo seemed content to keep you there sitting on his cock and he buried his face best he could into your neck, hands running softly up and down your back. When you started to weakly rock your hips back and forth on him a raspy chuckle met your ear sending a shiver down your spine. He pulled you close to his chest before cooing at you, “It’s alright little one, let me take care of us both”

You weakly nodded at him and his hands moved down to your waist, gripping tightly he started to buck his hips up into you. You moaned burying your face into his shoulder as he easily lifted you and brought you back down onto his cock in time with his thrusts. Plo was close, you could tell as he was become more vocal and his grip on your waist grew tighter; his pace was also speeding up and you snuck a hand down to rub at your clit. Gently your hand trailed up to cup the back of his head and you hazily lifted your head to press your forehead to his. You were aware he was praising you, calling you his good girl, but you couldn’t focus on anything other than how fast you were bouncing on his cock and they way his breathing hitched when he slammed back into you. You keened as you pinched your clit lightly and your third orgasm hit you - you couldn’t tell if this one was weaker or if your brain was just so muddled you couldn’t comprehend what was happening. Either way the fluttering of your walls around him caused Plo’s own release to shoot deep inside you, a loud groan leaving his body as he filled you with his cum. You closed your eyes, foreheads still lightly pressed together as a weak cry of ‘Master’ left your lips. His hands trailed up your back to cup your head and you pressed the softest of kisses to his antiox mask, your eyes fluttering shut as exhaustion took over your body. 

Plo started to move you off of him but a pitiful cry left your lips and you murmured out “please, let’s just stay like this for a bit” nodding in response Plo guided your head to his shoulder then gently moved your legs to a slightly more comfortable position. You fell into sleep rather quickly, something he was glad for - it meant the effect of the pollen was wearing off. He could still feel the heat in his body but with you perched on his cock and pressed into him it was enough to hold any urges back. His hands held you close, one absently stroking your back and the other stroking your hair, as he leaned his head back against the tree to join you in sleep. Bonus: you had just finished a debrief on the info you gathered from the recon (at least the pollen hadn’t started taking effect until after you got what you needed). Commander Wolffe had turned around to study a map when Plo gently touched your elbow. He had taken care of you when you both woke up and made sure you were able to sneak into your room and clean up before the briefing. Even though you had both slept for hours it was clear you were still exhausted. A kind voice met your ears as Plo suggested you go rest before the attack his hand gently rubbing your arm. You tiredly yawned and nodded, absently replying “Yes daddy”. His hand tightened on your arm and you froze once you realized your mistake, eyes shifting to look at Wolffe - he had shifted his weight slightly but had shown no other sign of hearing you (though if you had been able to see the front of his face you wouldn’t be able to miss the heat coloring his tanned complexion and shocked expression). Plo purred softly and gave your arm a squeeze, you just knew if he had a face like yours there would be a smug smirk on it, and he bent down to whisper, “Oh kitten, such a good girl but let’s save that talk for later, hmmm?”

[illfoandillfie]

5 Simple Rules For A Successful Fake Relationship: Ben’s POV

5 SIMPLE RULES MASTERLIST

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Reader

Summery: 14 scenes told from Ben's Perspective.

Warnings: A whole lotta angst and badly handled feelings. swearing, drinking, a little bit of smut/masturbation (18+) basically everything from the other chapters but from Ben’s side lmao

Words: 22 790 (oh god im sorry, but all the sections are separated so you don’t have to read it in one hit!)

A/N: I know it's like super duper late but here is the final chapter of this series that I promised! Basically just a collection of blurbs (maybe a few oneshot length parts too) that tell the story from the other side. Some are his point of view of things that occurred in the main chapters, some fill in gaps that reader wasn't around for. 

I had a lot of fun writing from a perspective I don't normally write from! It was a bit of a challenge at times but definitely something I'd like to do again.

Taglist: @vee-ndetta @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @taron-egrotten @johndeaconshands @borhapbois @stardust-galaxies

@coni-martina @hardforbenhardy @cubedtriangle @vicouscirce @arianabrashierstuff @pattieboydwannabe @maggieroseevans @theprettyandthereckless @friccinfricks​ 

“Pick up Joe, pick up,” Ben mumbled to himself, pacing around his trailer. The phone rang out and he let out a grunt of annoyance as he switched to text message.

I fucked up. Call me.

It was an anxious ten-minute wait in which Ben found it hard to sit still or focus on anything other than what a colossal mistake he’d made. He tried to go over his lines instead, tried to focus on the next scene you’d be filming together but all he could think about was you. You and how badly he’d fucked up. Finally Joe put him out of his misery. “Thank Christ,” “Sorry I was asleep,” a yawning Joe said from the other end of the line, “What happened that you needed to contact me at 6am?” “I said yes,” “To?” “Joe, I know it’s early for you but please try to keep up. I said yes.” There was a pause as Joe tried to work out what Ben meant and then realisation dawned, “Nooooo,” “Yes. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking. Oh my god,” Joe groaned, sympathetic, “You said yes? To the fake dating schtick?” “I wasn’t going to,” “I should fucking hope not. After everything we talked about yesterday? After we agreed it was a horrible idea?” “I know! I know,” Ben had to pause to gulp in a breath, his chest suddenly feeling too tight to handle the oxygen, “I was going to say no. I came in with a plan to say no and it was on the tip of my tongue for the entire meeting. They were going through these pages explaining it all and all of the rules we’d have to follow and I was ready to say no, I was going to say no,” “So what happened?” Ben flopped down onto his couch, the one he liked to nap on when time allowed, running his hand through his hair as he spoke, “I looked over at her and my mind clouded over and I said yes,” “Did she ask you to?” “Nope. I think she knew what I was thinking through the whole thing, she seemed shocked when I agreed to it. Fuck, why did I say yes?” “Cause you’re a fucking idiot.” “You can say that again,” “I could but I won’t.” Joe exhaled slowly into the receiver, “Jesus man,” “Yup. You wanna know the worst part though?” “Agreeing to it wasn’t the worst part?” “I’m not totally disappointed,” “Ben,” Joe sounded mildly horrified so Ben hurried to explain. “I mean, I know it’s bad. I know there were a thousand ways to better handle it...sticking to the plan and asking her out after we wrapped being the least of them. But...I have date ideas picked out already. There’s this wine and art place she’d love and the ice-skating rink and I’d love to take her to that Chinese restaurant near me. And I’m kind of happy I have an excuse to look at her now, touch her. I don’t have to worry about if she’s caught me staring or if I’m doing a bad job of hiding my feelings because everyone’s going to think we’re dating anyway so what’s the fucking harm,” “Alright Ben, I’m gonna stop you there. You need to get this shit under control. I suggest going to a bar, getting drunk, and getting into the pants of the first girl who talks to you.” “Can’t,” “Oh don’t give me that bullshit. You’re not so hung up on this Y/N chick that you can’t think about sleeping with someone else, are you?” “Doesn’t matter, I literally can’t unless I want everyone to think I’m cheating on her. Don’t think that’d go down well with the studio or anyone else really. They’d crucify me for fucking up the plan after less than a day.” “Would you have followed my advice even if that wasn’t the case?” Ben mad a non-committal noise, “Probably not. I just want her,” “Doesn’t she have a boyfriend? I distinctly remember you whining about a boyfriend.” “Apparently it was never that serious. He was boring.” “You’re boring too Ben. Hate to break it to you but you’re dull, unexciting, tedious. She’s not going to want to date you either. Might as well give up now,” “Have you got a thesaurus sitting in your lap?” Joe laughed despite himself, “I thought this was going to be a crush Ben. Short lived.” “Me too. It’s not though. I can’t get her out of my mind. When I’m with her I don’t want to leave and then when I have to leave all I can think about is when I’ll next see her. She’s so wonderful and beautiful and kind-hearted. She likes pulling faces at me from behind the camera and she’s got the cutest laugh…When she’s nervous about a scene she bounces her leg. Every time. And she’s so sweet to everyone on set, always chatting with whoever is around and making jokes and stuff. I want to make her laugh. I want to calm her when she’s nervous. I want her.” “Maybe you should just tell her how you feel now. I know you wanted to wait until after the movie but I think that horse has bolted,” “I can’t tell her now, are you insane? If I tell her now she’ll call up her agent and cancel the whole fake dating thing and she’ll never want to see me again,” “Maybe she wants to date you too,” “Nope. She literally said to me she wouldn’t date me in real life,” Ben paused, thinking, “d’you reckon there’s a chance she might fall for me too? Like, with the whole pretending to date thing? Maybe I could convince her I’d be a good boyfriend,” “Don’t get your hopes up Ben,” “You’re right. She’s not going to change her mind about me. We’re friends and that’s it. And I’ve just gotta focus on finishing this movie and getting through the whole relationship without her figuring anything out.” “I don’t envy you, buddy.”

                                                       ***

It took Ben a few moments of lying in the dark to remember why he felt so nervous first thing in the morning. But the waiting message from Peter about what time the photographer would arrive was enough to remind him. He lay there a little longer, trying to prepare himself for everything, trying to convince himself that seeing you first thing in the morning would be enough of a turn off to stop him from feeling the way you made him feel. It didn’t work, the convincing or the seeing you. If anything, seeing you yawning as you left his spare room just made it all the worse. You, in his pyjamas. It made his stomach flip. He found it hard to pull his eyes from you as you drank your coffee, found it hard to not enjoy the sight of you in his pyjamas in his kitchen. You’d never been there before but you didn’t feel out of place. He could imagine other mornings, making pancakes together, you with a spot of batter on your nose that he’d wipe away and replace with a kiss, or else making you the first tea or coffee of the day and bringing it to you in bed, snuggling under the covers with you, your head resting on his chest as you talked quietly about whatever was happening that day. But planning out how you’d look for the camera was a sharp reminder that it wasn’t real, that you were only there because of work.

“And, um, he was very careful in how he worded it, but they want us to look like we fucked. Also I told them I’d take you home so there may be someone waiting for us there too, he never got back to me on it.” “Shit, okay. Umm, guess I’ll just wear this then?” he watched as you indicated the pyjamas you’d borrowed, his pyjamas, “might lose the pants though, help sell it a bit more.” “Yeah, guess so,” Ben had to clear his throat and avert his eyes, terrified that you’d be able to see what he was thinking, willing himself to stop thinking about helping you out of them. “What time is it?” He glanced at the oven, thankful to have even the smallest of diversions, “Twenty past eight,” “God I haven’t been up this early on a weekend in months.” “Not one for farmers markets or anything then?” This was a better topic. Boring, safe. “Not really. Much prefer lying in bed doing nothing.” Shit, “Me too,” he laughed, trying not to imagine you in his bed in just his shirt (fuck the pants they were too big for you anyway). “We’re meant for each other,” Ben took another sip of coffee to keep from groaning. You had no idea what you were doing to him and he wasn’t going to be the one to tell you. Not now at any rate. He’d killed any chance of anything happening when he’d agreed to this stunt and now he had to suck it up and deal with it. “Did you want to have a shower or anything?” “Nah, you can if you want though,” “Might as well wait until I get home. But I am gonna clean my teeth, especially if we have to kiss.” Jesus, the kiss, he’d almost forgotten about that, “Maybe mess up your hair too, make it look like you didn’t sleep much.” This is dangerous territory. “Well how could I when you’re such a good lover,” Oh god oh god oh god, “I know you’re joking but if anyone asks, I’m incredible. You came like three times,” “Did I now?” “Of course,” “Good thing no one’s gonna ask then, don’t think I’m great at lying,” Ben wanted to stop, wanted to switch back to talking about farmers markets and breakfast options but he didn’t seem to have control over himself anymore, “Besides, it’s not really a lie, I am that good. You just haven’t experienced it personally.” You poked your tongue out at him as you turned back towards the bathroom. As soon as he heard the door shut Ben collapsed forward against the kitchen counter, leaning on his palms as he grappled with what had just happened. He’d need to keep his wits about him from now on. Flirting like that couldn’t happen again, he’d been lucky that you'd treated it like friendly banter. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to drown out the voice that suggested you’re lack of awareness was proof of how disinterested you were. It was only when he heard the bathroom door swing open again that he forced himself to move.

“How do I look?” you asked as you re-entered the room. Can’t avoid looking at her now, she wants your opinion, “Gorgeous.” It was true. Everything you’d done to make yourself look like you’d had a late night just made you even more desirable. The messed up hair, the smudge of makeup around your eyes. He gulped when he noticed the undone buttons of the flannel shirt, just enough to tease, and the missing pants. Tell her you want to pin her to the wall and undo the rest of those buttons. Tell her you want to wake up to that sight every morning. “But do I look like I’ve been thoroughly fucked?” “Oh, right, ummm,” he gave you another cursory look, trying not to linger on any part of you for too long, “yes, I think so,” “I feel like there’s something missing,” suddenly you turned on your heel and stepped back towards the bathroom. Ben waited where you’d left him until, “Oh! I know. Might be taking it a bit far though.” Clearly he was supposed to be part of this conversation, so he followed you to the doorway, stepped just over the threshold, “What is it?” You were scrutinising your appearance in the mirror and he let himself watch your reflection, “what if you gave me a hickey?” Ben’s breath caught in his throat though he managed to stutter out your name. “Yeah, I know, that’s a weird thing to ask. Don’t worry, I think we’ll be fine without it,” He inhaled deeply wondering if your backtracking was a sign that you’d worked out what was going on in his head. He couldn’t let that happen. And he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to give you a love bite, though he’d prefer to be covering you in them. Slowly, he let the breath go again, “no, you’re right. A hickey will definitely make it look more authentic,”

“It’s not totally inappropriate for me to ask?” Babe this whole thing is inappropriate, “No, no, we have to make it look legit. Here, I’ll uhhh,” With another, less than steady, breath, he stepped behind you, close enough that you were practically leaning against him. His heart began to beat faster, his stomach did summersaults. Carefully he wrapped his arm around your waist to steady himself, pull you closer, as he pushed your hair to the side. He glanced at your reflection, waiting for you to stop him, to notice his shaky fingers and burning skin and to jump away from him. But you didn’t. You let him lean in, let him press his lips to your neck, let him mark you. He felt your own breath speed up, felt you tilt your head, inviting more. And then. It was only a small hum, but it had definitely come from you. He glanced at the mirror again, saw you had your eyes shut. You liked it. He was giving you a hickey and you were enjoying it. This might be his only chance to do that, to make you feel that way. He refocused on your neck, where his lips met your skin, soothing the fresh brand with his tongue. He could happily have given you ten more, was tempted to go in for a second at least. Instead he let you go, stepped backwards as quickly as he could manage. If he waited too long he’d end up saying something he’d regret. “Will that do?” “It’s great Ben really ties the whole look together,” He tried to match your smile though it felt like there was a warning siren going off in his head, “Good. Good. Okay then, I’ll umm, what time is it?” “Just after nine. Wonder if the photographer is here yet,” “I think I will jump in for that shower actually, by the time I’m done he will definitely be here,” he needed some time to compose himself before he even thought about stepping outside the door with you, “Make yourself comfortable though, watch some TV or something.” “Alright. Thanks for being so cool about all this. I know you’re a little sceptical about the benefits and everything.” “It’s fine Y/N, no need for any of that,” he forced another smile as you left but the moment you’d pulled the door shut it slipped again. Slowly he made his way to the tap, splashed his face with cold water. His fingers still tingled where they’d rested against you. The echo of your hum was stuck in his head. Your perfume still lingered in the air. “Fuck,” Ben directed the curse at his reflection, unsure any other word could sum up better than that. The fact that you didn’t want him was fucked, having you here looking the part of the perfect girlfriend was fucked, giving you a hickey for the performance was fucked. And the fact that he was sporting a semi from it was really just the cherry on top of his totally fucked sundae. He couldn’t go back out to you in such a state, especially not when you were going to have to make out for the camera. A shower to relieve himself was the only answer, though he felt bad about you being only a couple of rooms over.

With a final prayer that you wouldn’t overhear or work out why he’d changed his mind about the shower, he turned the taps on and began undressing, wincing a little as he stuck his arm under the scalding hot water. With some adjustment he was able to fully step into the shower, pausing for a moment to relax under the steady beat of the water before reaching for the soap. Of course, you were on his mind as he wrapped his hand around his cock and slowly started stroking himself. The way you looked in his shirt, the swell of your breasts just barely exposed, tantalisingly so. The hem of the shirt draped over your bare thighs. You’d make such a sight dressed like that, lying in his bed, the sheets tangled around your legs. Better still his legs tangled between yours. He thought of the hum you made as he’d sucked at your throat. On the verge of a whine, maybe even a moan. Would you whine if his lips were on your chest instead? What about your thighs, leaving a trail up to… His breathing was faster now, hand moving at a similar speed. We’re made for each other. Your voice, your words. You’d say it, half pant it, while he was inside you. Made for each other. And you’d hum that hum of pleasure. Your thighs, under his shirt. His arm wrapped around your waist, holding you close as he pulled your hair aside. What if you gave me a hickey?  The warmth of your body leaning against his, such a contrast to the cool bathroom tiles. That hum. Those thighs. The way you say his name. Made for each other. Your lingering perfume. Your lingering warmth. Your lingering hum. His name on your tongue. He bit his lip to keep from making any sound as he came onto the floor of the shower. It took Ben a few moments to right his breathing, eyes pressed shut so he could hold onto the fantasy for just a little longer. But he knew he didn’t have the time. At least you get to kiss her again. He rushed through washing his hair, scrubbing himself clean. As he stepped out of the shower, he wrapped a towel around his waist and swiped his palm over the fogged-up mirror. He forced himself to smile, tried to make it seem natural but that just made it feel more fake. Maybe you wouldn’t notice. With a final exhale he left the bathroom, heading towards his bedroom to find some clean clothes. Your laugh cut through the mostly quiet house. Something on the tv, a cartoon by the sounds of it, had made you laugh and Ben couldn’t help but smile for real at the sound. It made it all seem worth it. 

                                                      ***

It had been a bit of an odd week. Everyone at work knew about the relationship and Ben had found himself set upon by well meaning set dressers and ADs who were curious to know when it had started and how they’d kept it such a secret because “seriously Ben, no one suspected anything.” That was nothing to his friends though, who were shocked he’d never brought it up even in passing and who demanded to know when they could meet this secret girlfriend of his. “Someone’s gotta tell her about the time you pissed your pants at the fair,” “I was seven and had drunk a lot of coke,” “Excuses, excuses. What’s your excuse for never mentioning her before?” “I thought we were going to play FIFA, not talk about my love life,” “We were but that was before we all saw your girlfriend’s arse online,” “You can’t see her arse in that shot,” “Near enough. And we can definitely see the giant fucking hickey on her neck. Now explain yourself,” “Alright mum,” Ben shook his head, “I mean, you know I don’t normally date people I work with. Neither does she. We both wanted to give our selves some time to see if it worked, to make sure what we thought we were feeling was legit and not on screen emotions carrying over or anything like that.” “Well it looks legit judging by photos,” “Shut up,” Ben sighed, rolling his eyes, “I actually really like her,” “Hey, I have a question. When the fuck have you been seeing this chick? Because your down time is spent with us.” “Oh, umm, y’know, after work and stuff. I don’t spend all of my time with you guys,” “Uhhh beg to disagree,” Ben tried to keep his tone normal though his heart was racing. If they figured it out now it could all be over, “Fuck off I have a life outside of you. And just because I was hanging with you guys in the evening doesn’t mean I didn’t see her earlier in the day.” “Nooners?” “Lunch dates.” “Uh huh. Okay, lunch dates. She’s a good shag though, right?” “Oh yeah, fucking….great shag,” “You gotta give us more than that mate,” “Sure, okay, but first can one of you kill me,” “Boooooo,” Ben laughed as he was pelted with crisps, “I’m so going to kick all your arses, now hand me a controller.”

The week had also brought him a copy of your rules. He’d taped the sheet to the bottom of his sock draw where no one else was likely to see it but he could still have a daily reminder that none of it was real. Being around you made it easy to forget you weren’t actually his girlfriend, the lines between friendly banter and flirty teasing becoming too blurred. Of course, he also had Joe reminding him to keep his head straight. He’d called after he saw the morning-after photos. The conversation had started with Joe calling Ben a moron but quickly shifted into Ben ranting for close to an hour because he’d, that morning, heard all about the conversation with Felicity and how you’d spent so long talking up his prowess. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry or scream. “Is this some kind of punishment? Did I do something completely fucked up in a past life and now I’m paying for it?” “Maybe. Or maybe it’s a lesson on why you don’t agree to something because a pretty girl smiles at you.” “Oh bugger off, you’re absolutely no help,” “Well what do you want me to do?” “I don’t know.” “I could talk to her for you.” “Mate, that’s you’re worst idea yet.” “When’s the date?” “This Saturday.” “Just keep reminding yourself you’re there as friends. Don’t get sucked in by the act.” “I’m trying.” Easier said than done, especially when he’d had the date planned for a solid few months. Not officially of course, but in the back of his head. You and him and a bottle of wine as you sat close together and painted. When he imagined the date you wore a sun dress and decorated your canvas or plate, or whatever it was he pictured that time, with little hearts and lipstick kisses. He’d make you laugh with some kind of joke and you’d lean your forehead on his shoulder. Everyone else would melt away as you looked up at him, still smiling. And you’d say something about how you should have realised you loved him sooner. “Because I do, Ben, I love you,” Which is when he’d kiss you, softly.

Ben shook his head to clear it, focusing back on the script in his hand, though you’d soon distracted him again. The real you, not the fantasy date one. The one who was bouncing her knee and staring off into space. He gently touched your shoulder, “Hey, are you okay?” “Huh?” “You’re jiggling your leg a lot which you only do when something’s worrying you, what is it?” “Oh, nothing,” He didn’t believe you, “Is it about our date tonight?” “What if it’s bad? What if we don’t look like we’re actually together and Mary and Pete have to cancel the whole thing?” What a blessing that would be. I might actually be able to get over you. I could stop imaging you in my bed, “I’d get a decent night sleep not thinking about us,” “What?” Shit. He hadn’t meant to say that last bit out loud, “I’ve been worried about it too.” You nodded, your leg twitching as if gearing up to bounce again. “But I think we’ll be okay. It’s not like we’ll be starved for conversation and we’ll have the paint and the wine and we’ll be fine. Plus, weren’t you the one who said this would be easy?” “Yeah I was, but-” “No buts. It’ll be a piece of cake,” Ben didn’t necessarily believe it himself, or at least not for himself. He was going to struggle. But you didn’t have any underlying feelings to fight. For you it really was just a good time painting, “they’ll get whatever shots they get, and they’ll spin it so we look like a couple,” “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry,” “It’s okay,” before he could stop himself he’d reached for your hand, rubbing the back of it. He wanted to do more, to hold you tight and tell you it would be okay. But that would be too much. Instead he rubbed your hand and tried to distract you, “I’m honestly so much more nervous about shooting that scene tomorrow.” “The one where we’re playing matchmaker?” “Yes! Have you seen how many names are in there?” “Theres like six, Ben,” “Yeah but they’re all repeated, and I know I’m going to get the order wrong,” You laughed. It was the best sound in the world and he was determined to make sure he heard it again on your date.

It took Ben an hour to decide on an outfit. He’d had one set aside but looking at it in the mirror it felt too dressy, he needed something more casual. He paused for a calming smoke and then had to brush his teeth again. On set he chewed gum after a smoke, especially if there were kissing scenes, out of politeness more than anything. But the small part of him that hoped you were treating the date as an audition for the roll of real-life boyfriend worried that it would hurt his chances if he tasted like cigarettes. Assuming you’d kiss. So he brushed his teeth again and changed into an outfit he didn’t hate and then worried that he was overthinking it and should have gone with his first outfit, and needed another smoke. Which meant he had to brush his teeth a third time. It took all his willpower to not ask the uber to pull over so he could have another quick puff. But then he was at your place and you were there and he wasn’t panicking anymore. Maybe it was because you looked jittery and nervous and something in his brain overrode his own anxiety to ease yours, or maybe you just had that effect on him. Whatever the reason it meant he could focus on helping you relax. “D’you wanna grab something to eat?” He was nearly positive you hadn’t eaten yet, too anxious. “Uhh, s’pose so,” “Has anyone ever told you you’re indecisive?” “I swear I’m not normally.” “Oh? Do I make you nervous, snookum?” Ben inwardly groaned. When the fuck did snookum become a thing? Why won’t you stop me Y/N? Please god stop me from flirting with you!  It was a relief when he made it to the McDonalds without any more slip ups and he could focus on his food and encouraging you to eat yours. He felt things were going well as you walked hand in hand through the bottle shop. He’d squeeze your hand if he felt you tensing up, make you laugh again, distract you. But then you had nudged him and pointed out the photographer. “Relax, he’s not important,” he said softly, pulling you into his side, trying to keep his own breathing even. Your face had paled at the sight of the camera, and Ben was hit by an overwhelming urge to protect you. He kept you as close as he could, soothed you as best he could. It became easier once you’d reached the shop and could get lost among the other couples and groups of friends, though he caught you checking for the photographer through the glass of the shop front. Ben hesitated for half a second before he turned your head towards him, “Forget the photographer Forget Mary and Peter. Forget our arrangement. We’re just two friends having a fun night out, okay?” This wasn’t the carefree date he’d been fantasising about for months. But he held out hope it still could be. If only he could make you see it. He opened the wine, talked about the art options, anything to distract you from the world outside of the shop. You took a little to warm up but he was glad to see you looking around the room as he went to collect your blank ceramics, taking everything in, and soon enough you were both contemplating designs for mugs, the photographer and the reason for the date seemingly forgotten.

Ben’s hope grew with each passing minute. The longer you were there, the more at ease you became. He got to hear your laugh again, frequently. And the conversation flowed naturally as each of you concentrated on your artwork. The design came to him quickly and he went slow, trying to make his lines as straight as possible and trying to make the engagement ring look like the one you’d spent so much of the shoot wearing. We’re really good at this dating thing. Part encouragement to help when you got nervous, part wishful thinking perhaps. But it was a quote from the movie so you wouldn’t read too far into it. He couldn’t wait to see your reaction to the mug and, as soon as he was done, announced it. “Alright, show me then,” Ben watched closely as you examined the still wet design, chewing on his lip as he tried not to care if you cared that the lines weren’t totally straight or the colours didn’t work. But as soon as you realised what the quote was you smiled. He found himself grinning as you told him how much you loved it. “Thought it was kind of fitting. Plus, it’ll be a nice little souvenir once the movie wraps.” “That was a fun scene to shoot. Best proposal I’ve ever had,” Ben turned the mug back towards himself, double checking for any flaws. He wanted it to be perfect for you, “Best proposal I’ve ever given.” He was on the verge of adding, “My real one will be better though,” but stopped himself short. That would lead to a topic of conversation he didn’t want to deal with. Not with you. Not now. He was a little surprised as you leaned in close and lowered your voice. “Promise I’ll get to keep it after we break up?” “Promise,” he said leaning closer as well. From the outside you must look like a proper couple, whispering sweet nothings as you ignored the rest of the room. His eyes darted to your lips. Kiss her. He could, couldn’t he? He could get away with it. That was what you were there for, to be a couple, to have photos taken of intimate moments. No one would question it if he just closed the gap, not even you. But he hesitated too long, the shriek of laughter from another table interrupting the moment. He leaned back in his seat, trying to put some distance between you before he lost his head again, “So do I get to see mine?”

Ben was nearly speechless when you did eventually let him see it. The guitar with the lyrics beside it. He couldn’t have stopped from smiling even if he’d wanted to. “And how did you know that’s one of my favourite songs?” “It is? It’s just the song I overheard you playing that one time.” That one time. A few weeks previous. Between scenes, as he’d waited for the cameras to be organised around the new set. He hadn’t meant for anyone to hear him, least of all you. But he’d been starting to feel tense and wanted to unwind before filming resumed so he’d gone back to his trailer and taken out his guitar. It was a song he’d always liked but he’d been listening to it more often since meeting you and it was the song his fingers had begun to play without him realising. Now here it was, on the mug you’d painted for him. And you had no idea that when he sang about the stun gun lullaby, he was singing about your laugh, or that you so completely had his attention that no other woman could compare. The song might have been written for someone else but whenever he heard it, it was you being sung about. Was that a sign to not give up hope? His heart ached with how much he wished you loved him the same. Fuck, love? He’d never let himself think the L word before, that was serious shit. But it fit. He was hopelessly in love with you and there didn’t seem like there was much he could do to change the situation.

                                                      ***

Ben looked up from his laptop to see you, brows furrowed, digging through your bag. “Something wrong?” he asked as you pulled your lips between your teeth, worrying at it absentmindedly, in what he had to admit was an adorable fashion. “Uhh, I think I need to go home,” “How come? If you forgot something I have a replacement here. What was it sunnies? Chapstick? A book?” “No, it’s not that sort of-” “Then what? You already have a toothbrush and PJs here,” “No it’s something else... I just think I’d be more comfortable at home today,” Ben tried to keep his voice steady but his mind was whirring with the possible reasons for your sudden wish to leave. Did you know about his secret? “Well a-are you sure I can’t help. We’re meant to be seen together this afternoon and if we leave now they won’t be able to get a shot of us smooching,” You chuckled at his word choice and he found it hard to repress his smile. “I’ll apologise to Mary and Peter, tell them something came up and see if we can reschedule,” “Are you positive there isn’t anything I can do?” You shook your head slightly, “if you really must know my period is a little early and I don’t have any tampons on me. Happy?” “Oh,” he began to laugh at your slight embarrassment, more relieved than embarrassed himself, “is that all?  Y/N, you’re not the first girlfriend I’ve had, fake or not. I’m a 29 year old man I can deal with talking about periods, and I can certainly run to the shop for you,” “No, no, you don’t have to go out of your way like that. I’ve got plenty at home I just didn’t think I’d need any today,” ““Y/N, I promise, it’s no trouble. I feel bad I don’t have anything here for you already. Been a while since I’ve lived with a girl and it didn’t even cross my mind. Seriously, it’ll take me two minutes.” You didn’t look convinced, eyeing the doorway to the hall. ���Plus, if I go we won’t ruin Peter and Mary’s plan for today. And the Paps can get a shot of me staring at boxes of tampons like a good caring boyfriend. It’ll help our image.” You hesitated a moment longer, “oh alright, as long as you don’t mind,”

It took Ben two minutes to collect his shoes and wallet and car keys and then he was out the door, assuring you he’d be as quick as possible. On his way out he saw the photographer, getting into position by his front gate. He shot Ben a questioning look at the detour from the set plan as Ben hopped into his car. As he reversed out of the driveway he caught the photographer’s attention. “Making a run to the shop to pick up something for Y/N. Might be a good photo in it,” Ben felt odd talking to the man – a man who he recognised well enough, who had witnessed every intimate moment he’d shared with you (and who had been the catalyst for a number of them), but a man he knew next to nothing about. But he hoped that by leading the photographer away he was ensuring you’d have a peaceful respite from the constant intrusion of knowing you were being watched. The photographer nodded, replaced the lens on his camera and headed to his own car, following Ben to the closest supermarket. The distraction of communicating with the photographer was almost enough to make Ben stop kicking himself for not being more prepared for this eventuality. It was only once he was at the store, standing in front of a shelf of feminine hygiene products that he was truly side-tracked from his lack of foresight, and realised he had no idea what you wanted. You picked up your mobile on the third ring. “Hey, it’s Ben, what do you want?” “Don’t tell me you forgot already,” “No, I mean, what sort. There’s hundreds of boxes to choose from, I have no idea which brand you like or what, um…strength you need.” “Oh,” you laughed and described what your go to brand’s packaging looked like. He scoured the shelves, trying to block out the snap of a phone camera as the photographer got his shot. “Ah, got it,” he said as he finally located the right one, pulling down a box for you now and one to keep in his bathroom for future use, “see you in a few.” “Thanks Ben,” “It’s nothing,” he refrained from closing the call with a love you, instead just saying, “Part of the boyfriend package.” On his way back towards the register he detoured into the tea and coffee isle, picking out a box of herbal tea bags that said For Women on the box, hoping they’d sooth whatever cramps you were dealing with, and then grabbed a box of chocolates in case you wanted something sweet to snack on. The photographer was outside already, waiting to get a shot of him leaving with a full bag. 

It made Ben’s heart swell to see how grateful you were for his haul. He went to the kitchen to make you a tea and himself a coffee as you ducked into the bathroom. “Did you find the Panadol?” he asked, rattling the box of painkillers as you joined him in the lounge. “Yeah, thanks. I took two but I might need more in a few hours, if I’m still here. I’ll buy you a new box if I use too many,” “Don’t be daft. How are you feeling?” “Yeah fine. A few cramps but it’s nothing.” “Do you want a cuddle?” he asked without thinking. “What?” Ben shrugged, “I don’t know, my ex said that cuddling up with me made her feel better. But that’s a different- she probably said it so she had an excuse to make out a bit,” You laughed, “a cuddle would actually be very welcome right now,” “Oh, well in that case,” Ben shuffled over, patting the space beside him, and tried to remember that you weren’t really dating. But he couldn’t stop himself from pulling you tight against him and breathing deeply.

                                                      ***

Ben wasn’t drunk. Not properly so anyway. He was too much of a chatty drunk to trust himself when he was sloshed. He’d had enough to loosen up and to dull the ache he felt whenever he looked at you. And to leave his keys at the bar. Nothing a glass of water and some TV couldn’t fix. He’d lost himself in the show when his phone dinged, nearly jumping at the unexpected noise. It was a text from Joe.

WTF?

It took Ben a few seconds to work out what it referred to but then the afternoon came back to him, the last scene you’d filmed, the photo he’d posted. Shit. “Ah, shit. Forgot I said I’d call Joe. Do you mind if we pause the ep?” he cast around for a reasonable excuse, “We’re trying to organise travel stuff for him and it’s easier if we talk it through rather than texting it all.” “Sure,” you said, already pressing buttons on the remote. “I promise I won’t be long,” “Take your time, it’s fine.” Ben smiled though it slipped as he left the room and pulled up Joe’s number. He shut the door of the room he used when he stayed over, already sure this would not be a conversation he’d want you to overhear. “What the fuck is that photo Ben?” “It’s nothing,” he sighed, “just the last day of filming,” “Are you alright, you sound weird?” “We went out for a drink.” “You and Y/N?” “And the rest of the cast and crew. And, before you say anything, no I didn’t get so drunk I blabbed about anything. I do have some self control,” “I wasn’t saying anything,” “No but you were thinking it. Anyway, I think I’m allowed to have a few drinks under the circumstances. Not exactly easy being secretly in love with your co-star who you’re also fakely dating,” “Alright, alright, point made. But that doesn’t explain the photo,” “Like I said, last day of filming,” Joe waited for more and begrudgingly Ben continued. “It was our last scene together and I wanted to commemorate it,” “Thank you Y/N for being the perfect Edith to my Andy. And thank you @theperfectmatchmovie for finding me my perfect match.” “Y/N said it was a bit cheesy,” “Uhh yeah, little bit,” Joe laughed, “you’re not worried it was a bad idea?” “No. We got told to post stuff, which you already know since Y/Ns posted tonnes and you’ve commented on nearly all of them. Figured I should pull my weight,” “Someone has to keep an eye on you two. Stop you from doing something stupid.” “That’s what you’re doing is it?” “You sure you didn’t post the photo with that caption because you’re dying to tell her how you feel and this is a safe way to do so?” Ben scuffed his foot along the carpet, digging his toes into the rough material and feeling like a school boy being admonished by a teacher, “So what if it is?” “All I’m saying is be careful. You’re keeping two very large secrets and–” “Yeah Joe, I fucking know but I don’t have much of a choice here,” “That’s what I’m saying…look, I know you’re a bit of a romantic at heart but you’re also not the sort to get this hung up on unavailable skirt so I believe you when you say you love her. But don’t let it slip out because that’ll just make things worse.” “I don’t know what I was thinking getting into this mess,” “Neither do I. Frankly I don’t think you were thinking. At least, not about yourself.” “Yeah maybe. Doesn’t really matter though now does it?” “Alright. This is going to sound harsh, but it’s coming from a place of friendship. Just stop.” “What’s that supposed to mean? I can’t just call it quits now, the story is doing too well and Peter has assured me that the numbers are promising or whatever I don’t really know how they measure it. All I know is that people are going to see the movie because of us.” “That’s not what I meant. I understand you can’t get out of the fake relationship stuff. But, maybe you can get out of the other side of things. Just tell her. Intentionally, tell her. I know it’s not what you want to hear and I know you’re going to argue with me and say you can’t but why not? If you tell her and she admits she likes you then great, you can be together for real. Or, if you tell her and she says she doesn’t feel the same then she can’t get out either and you can be miserable together and she’ll at least stop hanging around you so much when you don’t have to be seen together and you can get over her.” Ben shook his head, “It doesn’t matter Joe. It doesn’t matter how I feel,” “I just think this whole situation…sucks for you. A mirthless laugh rose in Ben’s throat, “of course it sucks. It’s fucking shit man. I just keep waiting for her to tell me she feels the same but it’s not happening,” “Are you sure she doesn’t feel something, even if she’s not saying it?” “No I know it’s completely one sided.” “Is there any chance she already knows? You’re not the most subtle guy in the world Ben, maybe she figured it out before you were approached about the fake out,” “No, I don’t think she knows. She wouldn’t have wanted to do it in the first place if she knew,” Ben heard Joe sigh, “I don’t know what to say then man,” “I just wish things were different. I love being around her and being able to hold her and kiss her. But it fucking sucks that it’s only in public.” “What about now that the movie’s finished?” “I don’t know. Maybe not filming together will make it easier to stop thinking about her…I doubt it though. It’s not like I haven’t tried already. I spent the whole of pre-production and the first weeks of filming trying to get her off my mind and I couldn’t I don’t know how and I don’t think I could unless we literally stopped talking to each other entirely and, honestly I don’t know that I could handle that. But again, we’re back at I don’t have a choice here. I have to keep seeing her and being with her and being her boyf-” A door slammed at the other end of the house, making Ben jolt. “What is it?” “Nothing, I think Y/N just went to the bathroom or something.” “She’s at your place?” “No, I locked myself out of my place. I’m at hers. I should go though, we’re halfway through an episode.” “Ben. Be careful.” “Always am.”

Ben hung up with a sigh. Joe could tell him to move on or spill the beans all he liked but it wasn’t so simple. He slapped his cheeks and shook his head to clear it, pulling a smile back onto his face as he headed back to the living room. He was a little surprised to see the room empty but settled himself on the couch once again, pulling a throw blanket over himself. It smelt like you. Without thinking he pulled up Instagram on his phone and revisited the photo. You’d commented on it, less cheesy but there were heart emojis strewn throughout. A similar sentiment to his original caption. He sighed and shook his head, clicking out of the app to find something else to read until you returned. The sound of your footsteps drew his attention. Something had changed. You looked pale and unwell. “Are you okay?” “Fine, thanks. Just tired. Might call it quits after this ep.” He didn’t think you’d drunk that much but maybe it was just starting to catch up with you now. Then again, it had been a long and emotional day. You had every right to be wiped out by it and especially now that you were home with no filming or celebrating to distract you from how exhausting it all was. He offered you a spot under the blanket in case it would make you feel better to have some human contact. Just for that reason of course, nothing to do with wanting to hold you. He shrugged it off when you refused and didn’t really think of it again until the episode ended and you went off to bed. He was still too alert to sleep himself, still dwelling on the conversation with Joe. So he flicked TV channels until he found something mildly distracting, a rerun of a dumb home renovation show that was easy to get sucked into.

When he did finally feel tired enough to go to bed he turned off the TV and the lights and began to tiptoe down the hall to his room. But there was light coming from your room. Not the yellow light of a bulb but the blue light of a phone or laptop. You were still up. Maybe you really weren’t feeling well. He wondered if he should check on you, offer to make you a tea with honey and lemon or something else comforting. Did you need tissues? A pot in case you had to throw up? Someone to hold your hair back? He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes and sighed. This is exactly what you shouldn’t be thinking. He glanced at the light under your door again and then turned and continued his path up the hall. But, after that, he felt awake again. Unable to sleep. There was too much to think about. Maybe the caption on the photo had been a mistake. Maybe Joe was right and he should tell you. Maybe, maybe, maybe. When it came to you that’s all there was. A noise interrupted him, you groaning and the creak of springs as you shifted in the bed. Is she having a wank? That was his first thought. Does she need help? Was his next. Dangerous. Everything fell silent again and he realised you must have just rolled over to try and get comfortable. He didn’t know whether he was relieved or disappointed. He rolled onto his side, pulled the blanket up a little higher, willed himself to fall asleep but it was out of the question. You shifted again, your bed creaking with the movement. Maybe he should check on you, in case you were unwell. Or maybe there was something on your mind too. Maybe he could help. It was bound to be easier to solve than the mess he was in at any rate. He was on the verge of swinging his legs out of bed again when he was reminded of what Joe said about trying to forget you. He could feel that need to protect you, look after you, rising in his chest again. That wasn’t helpful, it wasn’t what he needed. He sighed and stayed in bed and listened to your tossing and turning until he finally managed to sleep himself. Only to dream of you.

                                                      ***

Ben settled the bill, walked out of the restaurant and kept walking. The entire time thinking back on the days, weeks before the fight was due to occur. Something had seemed off about you. Or maybe that was just hindsight. If he had noticed anything, if he had ever thought you seemed out of sorts, he’d put it down to stress from auditions, trying to find the next job. It wasn’t always easy lining up another project after one had finished. He understood how stressful it could be, especially for an actress like you who was on the cusp of something bigger, looking for your big break. But maybe he’d been blind. After that dinner, after everything you said, there was no denying that something more was going on.

You’d been…not your usual self. From the moment you arrived. He’d asked if you were nervous, but he hadn’t been able to see any of the usual signs. No bouncing let, no bitten lip. So nervous wasn’t it. But you weren’t happy either. He had been though, happy to see you, happy to be with you again. Even with the looming argument. Truthfully, he’d been thinking of what would happen after, when you were alone together and able to just hang out or whatever. He should have realised things were going south the moment you told him to stop looking so happy. He just kept repeating the evening over and over, rewinding and rerunning every moment as if he could figure it all out just from that. Another moment leapt to the front of his mind. “So having a public spat doesn’t bother you but you almost lost your lunch over our first date?” “That was just because the whole situation was new and I felt weird about going on a date with you.” That had hurt though he knew he shouldn’t have let it. Of course you’d have felt weird about going on a date with someone you had no interest in just for the sake of a movie. But still, it had hurt. A taste of what was to come. “Are you nervous?” You didn’t really seem to care what he said. Of course, he hadn’t given you the whole truth. It wasn’t totally dishonest to say argument scenes made him more nervous than love scenes but that was omitting bigger elements. Maybe it would have been more truthful to say the concept of a public fight wasn’t something he was particularly fond of. But at the time he’d felt like if he’d said then he’d have ended up admitting that it was especially true when you were involved. That all he wanted to do was look after you and love you, not argue in a room full of strangers just trying to enjoy a nice meal. After that he felt like he hadn’t been able to get you to say more than a few words. You who was usually so open and conversational. You who he’d spent more time with recently than just about anyone else. You who he could always talk to, joke around with. It was frustrating that you wouldn’t just tell him. He remembers feeling frustrated, of getting short with you. He regretted that. But that was when he was sure something was wrong. He might have ignored all the signs before that but as soon as he felt you had closed yourself off, he wanted to know why. Wanted to figure out what was bothering you, what could have happened. A fight with Felicity? Bad news about an audition? Maybe he’d said something offhanded and hadn’t realised he’d upset you (god if thats the case I want to know even more so I can apologise a hundred times over). He asked about it all, wanted to make things better, but then you were letting rip. Completely off book and unscripted, even when he gave you cues to get back on track. He would have been impressed with your performance except he was so taken aback by it. Without thinking he’d reached for your hand. He can see it happening in his mind, as if he were viewing the scene from above. The way you’d wrenched your hand away, leaving his sitting uselessly in the middle of the table. And all he could hear was “clingy and needy” in your voice with such…what was it, disgust? Hatred? And before he could so much as open his mouth to stop you, you were gone. That’s not what was meant to happen. You were meant to leave together and laugh about it afterwards. He wasn’t meant to be walking through London on his own, trying to figure out what went wrong.

It was then that Ben looked up and realised he didn’t know where he’d walked to. He considered stepping into a bar with all the noise to drown out your voice, all the alcohol he could handle to make him forget. Clingy and needy. But he thought better of it and turned to hail a cab instead. What he couldn’t stop himself from doing was calling you, though he was left disappointed when it went straight to voicemail. He listened for the beep as if he were going to leave a message but when the beep came he didn’t know what to say. What could he possibly say? What changed? Am I really so clingy? What can I do? Closer to home he tried again but the same thing happened. He hung up before the beep.

As he was letting himself inside his phone rang and for the length of a heartbeat he thought it was you. But it wasn’t. It was just Peter telling him that the video had gone live, congratulating you both for putting on such a good show, being so convincing. He ran through some early statistics, something about how many times it had been shared already, and then followed it by saying they wanted separation for a few weeks, until the make up dinner. Ben listened in a daze. When Peter finally hung up Ben opened twitter. The video was easy to find. He put his phone down on the kitchen bench and moved to pour himself a drink. Maybe he didn’t have quite as much alcohol as a bar, but he had enough to do the trick. His phone was staring at him the entire time. He shook his head, moved the phone to his pocket and headed to his bedroom. His guitar was there, the perfect way to clear his head. He picked it up, sat on the end of the bed and, without thinking, he played the opening chords of that song. Your song. With a slight clatter as his hands knocked the wood, he let the guitar drop back to the bed, trying to dig his phone out of his pocket. The video was still there, waiting for him. Proof. It wasn’t a nightmare, it wasn’t made up. He couldn’t see your face from the angle it was taken. But he could see the tension in your shoulders, the way you pulled your hand back as if you couldn’t think of anything worse than having him touch you. And he could hear you. Clingy and needy.

Ben watched it just the once, unable to suffer through it again. It wass already playing on a loop in his head, he didn’t really need the visual reminder. And then he called Joe. There wasn’t really much else he could do. No one else he could talk to about it. Joe had seen it, had watched it, and he commented on how good it looked, how real it seemed. “I think that’s because it was. Y/N went completely off book. We didn’t plan it to be like that,” “Is that why you look so shocked?” “Yeah, guess so.” Ben gulped down a mouthful of his drink and wished he’d brought the bottle with him. “I’m trying very hard not to call her something beginning with B right now,” “Joe she’s not a bitch, she’s…I don’t know. Something must have happened, I just don’t know what. “Maybe she’s starting to crack? Pressure of keeping up a fake relationship is getting to her,” “Can you try not to sound too excited by the idea. I’d remind you I do actually love her and if things work out between us I’d like for you to meet her.” “You can’t blame me for disliking her when I get a call from you every other day telling me she’s broken your heart again,” “You’re such a drama queen,” “Fine, I’ll try to keep my dislike to a minimum. But could it be that? I know she doesn’t have the same baggage as you but it’s probably not easy for her either,” “She called me clingy. Needy. Why would she say that?” “Because she’s a bitch.” “Bloody hell Joe,” “Unless…” “Unless what?” “Is there any chance she knows?” “You mean about me? Come off it, absolutely not. It’s not like I tell everyone I meet about it. You’re the only person who knows.” “Alright, then it must be something else.” “What do I do? I can’t,” Ben sighed, “It was meant to be different. We were going to have words at the restaurant and then go home together looking tense and then laugh about it when we were alone but instead…instead I’m home alone with half a bottle of whisky and a fake girlfriend who won’t answer my calls. What the fuck am I meant to do with that?” “Just give her some space Ben. You don’t know it was you. It could have been any number of things. It might just be that she was having a bad day and because you were already set to have the spat, you caught the brunt of her frustration. She’ll call in a day or two, embarrassed and apologising and you can go back to pining in peace. Out of curiosity, what was the fight originally going to be like?” “Oh, um…We’d decided that I was going to suggest she meet my family and she was going to say she wasn’t ready for that and it was all getting too serious or something like that.” “Well, that’s pretty much what she actually said isn’t it?” Ben thought for a moment. He’d been so wrapped up in her description of him, he’d not really thought about the overall message of her monologue, “Yeah, I suppose it is.” “See, she wasn’t as off script as you thought. She just jumped the gun a bit and took you by surprise. I’d guarantee that it’s something else entirely and you just happened to be the unlucky outlet for her anger.” “Maybe you’re right. She did say that thing about pretending everything was okay and acting like we’re serious….how I love her more than she loves me,” “And you’re certain she doesn’t know,” “100 per cent. She’s never had the chance to find out,” “Then of course I’m right, it was just an issue of timing and you being in the line of fire,” “Maybe I should see her,” “No! Bad idea Ben. Really bad idea.” “I just want to be sure it wasn’t my fault. If I’d been less wrapped up in pretending she was my girlfriend then may-” “Stop beating yourself up. Just try not to drink too much and get some sleep. She’ll sort herself out and call when she’s less mortified by the whole thing.” “Okay, yeah,” “And for fucks sake, stay off twitter,” Ben hung up, feeling marginally better but unable to shake the feeling that it was somehow his fault. Clingy and needy. Clingy and needy. Clingy. And needy. The way you’d spat the words at him. The way you’d stormed out. He sighed, slumped forward, and ran his hands down his face. No, Joe’s right, it’s not you. But, as much as he repeated it, Ben still found tears clinging to his palms as he pulled them away.

                                                      ***

Ben looked at his phone and bit his lip. His eyes shifted back to the ocean of brake lights ahead of the car and then back to his phone. He was already running late and the traffic didn’t seem to be moving. God he did not want to be late. Not after everything that had happened. Not after you’d cleared up the mess from the fight, not after he’d made such an effort to be less clingy, to give you more space. Things weren’t back to normal by any stretch but at least you were talking again, at least you’d missed him. The conversation you’d had the previous night, staying on the phone to watch TV. He’d been surprised by your suggestion but equally as thrilled. It had to be a sign that you felt something too. People don’t just watch episodes of TV over the phone for anyone, do they? He was in with a chance, he knew it. But, in the hours after the episode had ended and the call with it, he’d come to one conclusion. He had to tell you. He had to bite the bullet and tell you. If he wanted something real with you, you had to know. And if he kept it secret any longer it could lead to more arguments which he definitely did not want. What he wanted was for you to understand why he’d become so attached, and hopefully, to reciprocate. So he was going to tell you. And he couldn’t be late.

As the car inched forward Ben made up his mind. He was going to be there on time, one way or another. With a thankful word to the driver he got out of the car and hurried onto the pavement, beginning to walk towards the restaurant. He’d spent all day feeling like he was about to have a heart attack, chest aching with how badly he wanted to see you and how nervous he was about your reaction. He wasn’t going to fuck up now. As he walked a display in a shop window caught his eye and he quickly stepped inside. The bell tinkled as he entered, getting the assistant’s attention. She gave him a up and down glance as she greeted him, as if trying to determine the occasion based on his outfit alone. “Welcome to Coming Up Roses, what can I do for you?” “I need a bouquet,” “I can certainly help with that. Any flowers you had in mind?” “Uhhh not really. Spur of the moment,” “Well what’s the occasion then? I have flowers for everything from weddings to funerals, I’m sorry to Congratulations,” “Um, I’m about to tell the girl of my dreams that I’m in love with her,” The woman smiled, “I’ve got just the thing,”

A minute later and Ben was once again hurrying up the street, clutching the freshly wrapped bouquet, his heart pounding as he tried not to worry about how much time was passing. He had to pause at one point to get a map up on his phone, unsure of the restaurant’s exact location. He was further away than he thought and quickened his step, threading through groups of people on nights out, trying not to bump into anyone. You were already there, waiting. He could see you from half a street away and ran to meet you, kissing your cheek and handing over the bouquet before he really registered that that’s what he was doing. It was only as you were smelling the flowers and complementing them that he realised you were there, actually there, and he suddenly felt extra nervous about it all. “I saw it in the shop and, um yeah, I don’t know, they seemed nice, a-and I know you, um, like nice things, so,” Ben wanted to die, wanted to be sucked into a hole in the ground, sent through a time warp, anything to not be there babbling at you like a fucking idiot. “It’s very sweet of you, thank you,” “I’m glad you think so because right now it feels kinda cliché and cheesy.” Shut up “Now you have to carry them around all night,” fucking shut up, “what was I thinking?” for the love of all that is holy, “And god can I just shut up. Sorry.” He didn’t know what had come over him, but he wished it would go away. And things only got worse as he looked you over, took in your whole appearance. Seeing you just made him want you even more, especially with how gorgeous you looked. He wanted to kiss you, tell you. But he had to be able to speak to tell you and he wasn’t going to be able to do that until he relaxed a little. A drink, that’s what he needed. He downed his first one fast, willing it to work its magic. It did help calm him, though your laugh just made his heart race again. Halfway through the next glass he felt like he could say it and was on the verge of just getting it out into the open when you were interrupted, shown to your table. He took it as a sign that it would be bad timing and that he needed to wait. Instead he focused on just having a good night with you. The memory of your last dinner was still in the back of his mind but he pushed it away by reminding himself that things were better now. He felt himself relax more as you talked and with every touch you gave him. The drinks were definitely part of it too but he put it down to you mostly. How much you sooth him, how happy he finds himself when he’s in your presence. He could breathe properly again. You startled him a little by saying Joe would want to meet you but of course, you don’t know that he knows that it’s all a big production so you just meant it in a friend-being-curious-about-the-girlfriend type way. Very far from the truth. But Ben agrees and changes the topic.

When dessert arrived, he thought maybe that could be a good time to say it because it’s the end of the meal and you can leave quickly if you need to. But before he get’s to it he finds himself asking something else instead. “Can I ask about these last couple of weeks?” He hoped he hadn’t wrecked the evening by bringing it up but he was curious too, “Was it good? The space, did you get what you wanted from it?” Ben worried at his lip as he watched you slowly finish your mouthful and set the spoon down. “Yes. I’m not going to lie and say it wasn’t helpful because it really was. Just, having that break from everything. I think I really needed it. But I really really missed you too.” That was a relief. Proof that you were on the same page again, back to normal. And proof that you did care about him. “I’m glad. It was hard not seeing you but yeah, helped me figure some stuff out too. Confirmed some other stuff.” “Like what? If you don’t mind me asking.” This is it, this is your moment, “Like, um,” He wanted to say it, had the words picked out already but, he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t risk driving you away again, causing another scene. Maybe he could say it back at his place, away from the cameras and the interested public. Maybe that would be smarter. All the same, he felt disappointed with himself for not having the guts to just tell you, and to try to cover the moment asked if you wanted to leave. As you step outside he remembers the kiss that was expected and he leans in to remind you. It’s more than a kiss though, different to all the other times you’d kissed. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t looking forward to it. Any excuse really. And he says as much when he, somewhat accidentally admits to having missed kissing you. It was a thought that somehow slipped out of his mouth, but either you didn’t hear him or you were too caught up in the moment to say anything. Or she feels the same. He pushed the hopeful thought down as you kissed him back. His heart pounded as he felt your hands on his chest, as if it were trying to tell you what he’d been too much of a coward to say. And then you whined and settled on his lap and god what a fucking gorgeous sound. He’d spent months getting off to the memory of a hum and now you were gifting him a whine? An eager, excited whine at that. The sort of thing he’d been trying to imagine and it was so much better than anything he’d come up with. Your hand was in his hair and he very nearly echoed your noise back to you from that alone, but it caught in his throat as you kept kissing him, tongues twisting, your chest pressed against his. He wanted to hold you close and touch every part of you he could reach all at once, unsure of whether to grab your arse or you hip or the back of your neck. So he did a bit of it all, slid his hand along your arm and then down your back and then to your arse. And all too soon it stops. He could have cursed that driver and the heartless car horn that interrupted and sent reality crashing back down around him.

Once you were inside the safe zone of his house, away from the act, he expected things to go back to normal. You’d take off your makeup and then make a cup of tea and fill a glass of water for your flowers and you’d wind down with something on TV before you both went to bed. He’d have to have a shower to get off without you suspecting anything because there was no way he was going to be able to sleep with the memory of your tits pressed against him and your whine and your kiss swimming around his head. But you don’t walk to the bathroom like you normally do. He pulls the wallet from his pocket, places it deliberately next to his keys. But you still haven’t moved. He turns slowly, notices the way you swallow and lick your lips and he swears he’s on the verge of asking what you’re doing or saying something about it being a mistake, at least the thought crosses his mind, but you were standing so close (when did she get so close?) and when you kiss him again he just kisses back.

It’s a mistake probably, definitely, he knows that. He can hear the siren in his head again telling him to stop, pull away. But the problem is that it doesn’t feel like a mistake, doesn’t feel like it should be, and when he takes a step back you step with him and again and again until he’s somehow on the couch with you on his lap again. And why would he stop that, why would he say no to you when you fit there so perfectly and you feel so good? And all he can think about is that whine and that hum from all those months ago and he wants to see what other sounds he can pull from you so he drops his lips to your neck. “Wait, wait,” He’s confused as to why you’re stopping him and even more confused when you’re not in his arms anymore. “It’s rule one Ben,” Bugger rule one. Bugger all the fucking rules, you’ve broken most of them tonight anyway if they weren’t already broken. A voice in the back of his head reminds him what a big mistake that would be, but it can’t argue against making out. Making out isn’t against the rules and you know it too, you hesitate when he says it out loud. “I’d be good to you Y/N, you know I would,” he’s not sure if he’s talking about here and now, physically, or something deeper, something in the realm of boyfriend but what does it matter because both are true. You shake your head, “You know this isn’t real, right Ben?” And then it all comes out. That you knew about his crush. And everything stops. Just stops. He can’t breathe, air doesn’t exist anymore, and he’d say his heart had stopped too except he can hear it pounding in his ears, drowning out whatever you’re saying. You knew? You’d known for months? All those times Joe had suggested it, all that time he spent worrying about keeping it from you and you already fucking knew? And then everything seems to speed up all at once. The air rushes back, as loud as his heart, which only doubles it’s pounding until he can feel it trying to punch a hole through his chest and escape. Rational thought returns, connecting dots and drawing conclusions almost faster than he can keep up. “Is that why you were upset before the argument? Is that why you didn’t want to see me for the last two weeks?” “I thought some space might help you stop feeling that way.” He has to laugh at how fucking ridiculous an idea that is. That space would have ever helped him purge you from his system. Love isn’t that easy to get rid of. And his tongue must have sped up with the rest of his body because he’s saying it, the thing he’s been putting of saying, the thing he’s been wanting to tell you all night, and he wishes he could stop because this isn’t how he wanted it to go. This wasn’t how you were meant to find out. But no matter how much he screams at himself he can’t take it back. It’s out there. And you look horrified. “You love me?” Three words have never been spoken with more contempt than you managed to cram into that once sentence. “You don’t have to say you don’t feel the same, I know.” Your silence cuts through him like a knife, shredding what little hope remained. His heart isn’t beating against his chest anymore. It’s been kicked across the room and lies lifeless against the wall.  “That’s what I thought.”

He can’t be here anymore, can’t look at you. He wants to leave but he remembers all the cameras outside, reminds you of their presence in case you’re planning the same escape he is. He’s trapped there and so are you. So he puts as much space between you as he can, heads to his room and slumps heavily onto the end of his bed. All he can think about is those three words, you love me? Not a hopeful question. Not even stunned surprise.  More of an accusation. He tastes blood but otherwise barely notices when he tears his lip with his teeth. You must hate him for getting you both into this mess. He hates that he’s done it, that he’s put you in this position. And he knows you’re never going to want to speak with him let alone see him again. And he knows that as soon as the cameras leave, you’ll leave too. And that thought hurts just as much as everything else. You’re moving about, he can hear you walking around. It sounds like you’re pacing. Five steps and then a turn and then five more steps, another turn. Something about the rhythm breaks through his overactive, panicking, worrying mind. Something about it calms him. Maybe it’s that knowing you’re restless and agitated makes him want to comfort you, despite everything he’s feeling. Or maybe it’s just because the sound of your footfall means you’re still here. And if you’re still here then maybe he can smooth things over. He doesn’t expect to fix everything. He’d understand if you still wanted to erase him from your contacts and pretend you were only ever colleagues. But if he can just explain himself, explain that he never meant for this to happen, explain why he kept it from you or tried to anyway and maybe explain what he’d wanted tonight to be instead of the clusterfuck it’d become. If he can get any of that out then maybe you won’t hate him quite so much.

He says your name softly, not sure he’s allowed to say your name, “I heard you pacing.” “Sorry, I’ll keep the noise down.” “No, that’s not- it’s okay. I just thought, since we’re both clearly awake and since they haven’t left yet, I thought you might like a cuppa.” “I didn’t think you drank tea,” Have you really not noticed yet? He never bought tea bags, until you started coming to stay over regularly. Twice you opined about not being able to have a cup of tea before bed and that was all it took for him to start keeping them in his cupboard along with the biscuits you prefer. That’s how he knows it’s love. He took a breath as he pulled out mugs and stuck the kettle on, resolutely not looking at you. If he looks at you he’ll spill his guts and won’t be able to stop. He has to make tea first. Just the way you like it. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.” It comes out the second he looks at your face and it’s only that you’re telling him you understand that he doesn’t immediately say more. He drops his eyes to the brown liquid in his mug, undrinkable in his opinion, but a perfectly adequate distraction. He needs to get the words right this time. No stumbling and stuttering, no blurting things out without thinking. He needs to say it right so you’ll listen and understand what he’s trying to do. “I promise I understand where you’re at and I’m not going to try and convince you or to chase you or anything like that. I really am trying not to feel this way.” He glances back at your eyes, terrified of what he’d see there. “It’s okay Ben, I know you wouldn’t. I just wasn’t expecting you to drop the L bomb.” “Please don’t hate me,” it’s a whisper compared to everything else he’s said but there’s no way to make his voice stronger. It’s the thing he’s most worried about and admitting it out loud to you is harder than he imagined it would be. “I could never,” the sincerity with which you say it is almost enough to make him cry but the hug is what pushes him over the edge. It’s more warmth and kindness than he thinks he deserves after everything he’s done. And it’s exactly what he needed. Comfort and reassurance in one simple gesture. He wraps his arms around you for the third time that night, his face pressed into the cook of your neck, and you let him, squeezing back, as he lets everything out.

                                                        ***

The night after you met Joe, Ben visits him again, this time without you. It had always been the plan, to see Joe a few times, as much as the press circuit would allow, while he was in the US. But after the previous night it’s more necessary. And yet, Ben was struggling to vocalise any of his questions. It’s not until after dinner, when Joe suggests they take their drinks out onto the veranda, that any of it comes up. It’s peaceful out there, sitting in the cool night air, each of them taking turns to swig from their beer bottle as they talk. But Ben’s mind is constantly disrupted with thoughts of you. It’s the first time since all the promotion stuff started that he’s had more than a couple of minutes away from your side. Joe isn’t helping, constantly glancing at Ben, frowning, as if he’s trying to work something out. But he’s the first to crack, making it easier for Ben to talk. “How’s it going?” “Press is fine, bit boring. You know how repetitive it can get,” “And you know that’s not what I meant,” “Yeah. Nah, everything’s fine. Mostly,” “Mostly?” “It’s not easy having to share a room with her. I mean, it’s fun though. I’m glad she’s the one I’m doing all this shit with. We’re mates and we’ve been working so closely for so long now that we…get each other. Like there was this interview where one of the questions made me uncomfortable and she knew straight away and broke in to take some of the heat. She just says whatever she can to make me laugh or ease the tension or whatever will help. And I know when she’s getting nervous and needs a break or a fresh cuppa. But when it’s just us in our suite it’s…hard. I don’t know, I’m just trying to keep some distance even though there’s not much to be had. What did you think of her?” “Honestly?” “Of course,” “She’s perfect for you. Except for the not being interested part.” Ben nodded, letting his eyes fall to where his fingernail was digging into the label on his bottle. “Although…” “What?” Ben looked back at Joe, “You think she might be?” “I don’t know. And I don’t want to get your hopes up. She certainly doesn’t think she is. I asked her about it while you were out here last night and she was adamant that she doesn’t think of you that way but that’s not how it looked to me.” “We had a moment yesterday. Just before we came here. Nearly kissed.” “Seriously? Again?” “I stopped it. Kind of wish I hadn’t. Maybe if something happened, she’d change her mind,” “I know I’m not part of this situation and I wasn’t there and can only go off of what you’ve said and the one time I’ve met her but, for what it’s worth, I think you made the right call.” “Yeah?” “I don’t think you want anything to happen with her until you’re both more sure where you stand. Definitely not while you’re stuck sharing a hotel room.” “But what if -” Joe shook his head, “I watched her last night. She looked at you a lot and not just because you were the one talking. She also smiled a lot whenever your attention was on her. I was half expecting her to say she had a thing for you but wasn’t sure if she should tell you or something like that. So I think there is a good chance she is attracted to you but for some reason, doesn’t want to admit it and I think sleeping with her would just make things more complicated and worse for both of you. You said she had her little freak out thing when you were hooking up after that date. You don’t want to let things get further and have her freak out again.” “Yeah, you’re right. I’m just confusing myself because we’ve been in such close quarters. I just wish things were more certain y’know? Like, she keeps saying she doesn’t like me as more than a friend but then we’ll have a moment like we did in the hotel, or like on the plane when she was leaning on my shoulder to help with my crossword puzzle, or when we fucking made out. And then I’m back getting my hopes up only for her to turn around and crush me again. And it’s probably nothing anyway. Just pent up urges since we’ve been fucking trapped in this for months now.” “I don’t know man, it might be more than that. She seemed really into you last night.” “Nah. She’s horny and I’m there and that’s why we’ve had these near kisses and stuff. She’s said she doesn’t like me so that’s it. Maybe it’s better that way anyway.” Joe shook his head again but let the subject drop, “So how long are you here for again? There’s this restaurant up the road I should take you to.”

                                      ��               ***

The closer he got to his parent’s place the more tightly wound Ben felt. Bringing a girl home to meet the family was always at least a little nerve wracking – wondering whether they’d like her, whether she’d like them, how many embarrassing stories he’d have to sit through. But he could safely say that with you it was worse than with anyone else. There was so much history with you, despite never having legitimately dated, that he couldn’t stop thinking about. You meant so much to him. And he knew his mum was going to love you (how could she not) and that meant he was going to be asked why it took him so long to bring you around and about where it was headed and they were questions he didn’t really feel up to answering. Of course, on top of all of that, there was the prospect of sharing a room with you, maybe a bed. You hadn’t entirely worked out the arrangement and not knowing was just making him more nervous. Not just for himself either, for you as well. If he was nervous he could only imagine you were too. You were going to be facing questions as well, judgement from a new family. A family you didn’t even want to be part of. So he kept close to you all night. Because it’s easier to pretend to be a couple when you’re by his side and it’s easier to avoid tough conversations when he has the excuse of introducing you to someone else up his sleeve. And it’s so much easier to keep his folks away from you when he’s got your hand in his. He does circuits of the garden with you, chats to everyone with you, repeating the story of how you met and the fiction of how you started dating. And the whole time he’s trying to make sure you’re comfortable and enjoying yourself at least a little because you don’t even have actual feelings for him to push you on. He’d gladly endure first meetings with every single member of your family tree if you asked but he knows you’re only there because you have to be. Unfortunately, he’s also had a bit to drink so eventually he has to relieve himself, silently cursing his bladder because it means he has to leave you on your own. You don’t seem to mind too much. If anything, it feels like you’ve found your feet and are actually having a good night which he’s glad for. But he still goes as quick as he can.

He’s on his way back when he sees you and instantly realises something’s wrong. Your leg is bouncing so rapidly it’s a wonder you don’t knock the underside of the table, and you’re looking around as if you’re trying to find him. His first thought is that someone has said something inappropriate. There’s plenty of drunk cousins around and who knows what one of them might have said or done in a misguided attempt to be charming or impressive or flirtatious. But then he realises who you’re sitting next to and his stomach drops. So he hurries over to the table and takes the seat beside you, laying his hand on your knee to try to calm you. It works well enough for you to be able to sit there a little longer until he can find a reasonable excuse to leave the table and his mum. He’s not in the mood to be at the party anymore and leads you to the exit, politely waving off anyone who tries to convince you both to stay a little longer. “Better?” he asks once you’re outside, relieved when you say yes. “She mentioned us getting married,” “What? Why the fuck would that have come up?” Ben couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He’d been prepared for a lot but not that. “It was just a passing comment but I….” “It’s okay, c’mon, let’s go home you can tell me everything.” Without thinking he pulled you into a hug, breathing out when he felt you lean into him.

By the time he got back to the house Ben wanted another drink. You’d sat under his arm the entire ride back, keeping quiet, obviously lost in thought as you absentmindedly played with his fingers. Every brush had made him want to take your hand properly and tilt your head up to kiss you, irresponsible and selfish as it might be. One of the upsides of being back home was knowing where his parents hid their best booze, so he dug out a bottle of his dad’s Johnnie Walker, feeling a little like a teenager again, pinching a drink to impress a girl. You laughed though so he counted it as a win. But the reason you were alone together, no longer at the party, was still weighing on him and clearly on you as well. “So what happened back there?” He handed you a glass and waited until you felt you could speak. “I guess it was just harder to be around your family than I was expecting.” Everything you said made sense he supposed. He’d not really considered it that way because he wasn’t so much lying as just playing pretend. But, as much as he wished you were on the same page, he understood where your guilt came from. He tried to make you laugh again but when it didn’t work he set his glass down and took your hand. “Seriously, Y/N, there’s nothing to feel guilty about. The premiere is coming up in a couple of weeks and then pretty soon after that we’ll break up and I’ll tell them it just wasn’t working. They’ll accept it and never have to know the truth. And then we can forget this whole thing and move on.” His chest tightened at the thought of it, not being allowed to even pretend to have you anymore but he clamped down on it for your sake. “But it must be hard for you too. Having me here and everything,” He half shrugged, looking down at where his thumb was brushing the back of your hand softly, “I’m a big boy, I can handle it.” Ben glanced back at you, about to tell you it was sweet of you to care about how he was doing, but when he saw your expression he stopped.

He was a little shocked by the kiss, stumbling back a step or two, the warning siren blaring in his head again. Everything told him to run away and yet his feet were frozen in place. Joe had been right when he said he shouldn’t do this, and he’d been here before. It hadn’t gone well then so what made him think it would be better this time? But somehow he can’t find the words and you kiss him again and he decides he’s going to let it happen. He’s sick of trying to fight how badly he wants you and you clearly want this too. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be trying to undress him. He decides he’s going to let himself be selfish for once and just go with it. After the decisions made it all turns into a bit of a blur really. You’re leaning against the table and then he’s carrying you up to his room and it’s like every almost kiss, every missed opportunity and pent up moment you’d never let yourselves have is breaking all at once. You’re on his bed now and god he’s wanted you like this for so fucking long and who cares if it’s wrong. One night won’t matter. And he’s surprised by how wet you are when you pull his hand towards your cunt but he loves that you’re taking the initiative and that you clearly want him just as much as he wants you. You don’t tell him to stop. You tell him how to touch you, what feels good, and he loves that about you too. Even more than he loves how you sound saying his name as you clench on his fingers and shiver through your orgasm and fuck, he thought the whine from last time was a captivating sound but it has nothing on this, on how you sound when you cum for him. He’s going to be thinking about that moment, about you saying his name like that forever. He wants to be inside you, wants to hear it again, wants to make you feel even better and he’s forgotten where you are and how you got there so he leans over and realises this isn’t this room. This room isn’t as prepared as he’d like. For a moment he thinks that’s it and maybe it’s for the best except then you say you have condoms as you get up and rummage through your bags. He wants to know why – were you planning this or are you always just prepared like that? – except then you’re coming back towards him and he really doesn’t care why, just that you do. You climb on top of him and he feels breathless at the sight. He wants to worship you, every inch of you, and he wants to be as close as possible, pushing himself up to kiss you again because he loves you. He says it without meaning to but he doesn’t care, he’s just trying to get you to moan his name again, rubbing your clit until you’re both finished, breathing hard against each other. You’re kissing along his jaw and he wants to stay like that forever, blissed out and tangled in each other’s embrace. But reality rushes back, ignoring how desperately he’s trying to cling to the moment, and he realises how messy everything suddenly is. It hurts too. Knowing it’s not real, knowing that you don’t want what he wants. He remembers what he said just moments before, that confession whispered against your lips, and it makes him feel queasy with embarrassment on top of the heartache that’s already setting in. How many times does he have to put himself through this pain before he gets it through his head? It’s not reciprocated. It never will be. “I’ve gotta…” Ben nods his head in the direction of the door, hoping you’ll fill in the blank yourself. He wants to leave but he also wants to stay there with you, so he settles on shifting out of your reach and looking over at you, not quite able to meet your eye. “I wasn’t expecting that to happen,” Weren’t you? “Neither. Are you okay?” “Yeah. I, um, it was really good and I-I think I kind of needed it.” Ben tried to smile but it didn’t feel like it worked properly. Sure you needed it. A quick fuck to break the forced dry spell. He wanted to run from the room, flee the scene “It was good for me too. Really good. But it can’t ever happen again.” He averted his eyes again, focused on slipping back into his underwear. There was half a second where he looked around for his shirt before realising it was out at the table with the unfinished whiskies. He’d have to tidy up so no one would be able to work out what happened.

Ben downed what remained of both drinks, the burn of the alcohol a welcome distraction, though much too brief. He grabs his phone from the table, drops the glasses onto the kitchen sink and heads outside to throw the used condom into the garbage bin. As if he was going to leave the evidence of his cowardice and misjudgement inside for anyone to find. Ben turned to head back towards the door, but he didn’t want to walk through it. Inside he’d have to face you and he wasn’t sure how to do that yet. Instead he walked down the sideway into the backyard, taking a seat on the retaining wall by the flower bed of peonies. It’s not exactly warm sitting there in just his boxers and his fingers shake a little as he unconsciously find’s Joe’s name in his contacts. Joe must be busy or asleep or something (What’s the time difference again?) because he doesn’t pick up. Instead the call goes to voicemail. “Joe, it’s Ben here. Um… you’re gonna laugh so hard when you hear how fucking stupid I am,” Ben forces a laugh himself, “So I, uh, I just told Y/N that I love her….again….while we were having sex.” A pause as it sank in, “I’m not even sure how it…how we got to… We were just talking and then we were in bed and…. But it’s okay because I told her it could never happen again,” Ben thinks of how affectionate you’d been after, kissing his jaw and his nose, clinging to him, but it wasn’t real, it was just your post-sex, post-orgasm mood. He starts to laugh, less false but not entirely natural either, “I have to drive back with her tomorrow. Christ. Talk about bad timing, huh. But it’s fine though, it’s fine, totally fine. Joe, it’s fine. Because it wasn’t real. We’ve both been pent up and she spent all day with my family and had to listen to my mum talk about us maybe getting married. This was her reward. And that’s all it was. And I’m the idiot for hoping it could ever be more than that. I mean it’s not like friends don’t sometimes fuck, right? Especially when they’ve been drinking and pretending to date. Sex doesn’t have to mean feelings and it doesn’t for her and that’s fine.” There was that tight feeling in his chest again. Ben cleared his throat. “The drive will give me a chance to tell her it was a mistake. Because it was. This whole thing was a mistake. It was a mistake to fuck her and it was a mistake to bring her to meet my family and it was a mistake to pretend to date her and the biggest mistake of all of them was falling for her. And I haven’t been doing enough to reverse that. I know I said I have been, but I haven’t. I got caught up in the maybes and what ifs and I didn’t really try to move on. But now I…. It’s gotta fucking end sometime. I can’t keep doing this. So I’ve got to tell her it was a mistake and I don’t love her. Maybe I never did. Maybe I’m the same as her and it was all just because I was horny. Whatever. Now I can move on with my life. She doesn’t love me and I don’t love her and she’ll just be some bitch I nailed and we’ll both be happy, right?” Ben sighed and swiped at his blurry eyes. He’s not sure if the voicemail cut out midway through his thought process but it probably doesn’t matter. Movement from upstairs catches his eye. You in his old bedroom, getting dressed and leaving the room. He’s a little worried that if he heads back inside now he’ll bump into you on your way to get a drink from the kitchen but he can’t sit outside in the chill air all night. He takes a breath and swipes his knuckle over his eyes again before heading back inside, creeping towards the bedroom. You weren’t anywhere to be seen, though he guesses that means you’re in the bathroom. When he reached the bedroom again, he dug into the closet and pulled out a number of spare blankets, stealing a pillow from the bed. It’s not a particularly comfortable nest that he makes but it’s warm and doesn’t smell as much like you as the bed does. The pillow still holds a trace of you, but he flips it over and the scent is gone. He’s there when you get back, already pretending to sleep, curled in on himself facing away from you. “Ben?” He squeezes his eyes tighter shut, listening as you flick off the light and tiptoe back towards the bed. There’s a creak of springs as you get comfortable and then another as you move again. “Ben?” Your voice sounds even softer that time and Ben is tempted to answer but he bites his tongue. “Ben I-I…. Goodnight.” There’s another creak as you settle back down again. Ben lies perfectly still until he’s sure you aren’t going to move again. He doesn’t want to hear whatever you’re trying to say. It’ll just be everything he already knows. So he keeps quiet and feigns sleep in the hopes that real sleep will bring it’s respite sooner rather than later.

                                                      ***

Ben’s phone rang and he admonished himself for hoping it was you. He was meant to be getting over you. Besides, the hope was misplaced. It was his mum. “How did Y/N’s audition go?” “Uh,” It took him a moment to remember the excuse he’d made up, “yeah, well I think.” “She’s lovely, Ben. I’m glad you finally let us meet her,” “Yeah,” He didn’t know how else to respond but his mother didn’t need much more encouragement than that. “You should bring her back soon, I’d love to have more of a chance to get to know her. It was a bit hard with so many people there.” “Yeah, um, I’d have to check when we’re free.” He said, dragging his fingers through his hair. “I’m sure you could find one night for us,” “Yeah. But there’s the premier coming soon and we’ve both got auditions and meetings lined up so I don’t know for sure. But let me talk to Y/N and we’ll find a day that works.” “Maybe a weekend? You could stay for a couple of days then, wouldn’t have to rush off.” “We’ll see. Depends.” “Don’t leave it too long honey,” “I won’t mum. Sorry, I’ve got to run, expecting a call back about something.” “Alright, love you,” “Love you too mum,” Ben threw his phone to the other side of the couch and sighed. He’d been expecting that call but that didn’t make it any easier to get through. Not when he’d spent the last few days thinking about that night and everything that had happened. The way your lips felt on his, the way you’d looked sitting on his lap, the way you’d sounded when you came. He shook his head as if he were an etch-a-sketch but the thoughts didn’t disappear, they just morphed into thoughts of later, in the car on the way home. How you’d nodded when he’d said he didn’t love you, clearly overjoyed with the news but trying not to show it.

 Ben hadn’t gone cold turkey with you, there was still some contact, but he refrained from anything too unnecessary, spent as much time as he could with his other friends, and tried to keep any replies to you as simple as possible. Unfortunately his parents was less restrained. A few days later his mum called again, checking if he’d had a chance to invite you over yet. The day after he received a message from his dad suggesting he come down for lunch on the weekend (and encouraging him to bring you along), and then a couple days after that there was another call, one which he ignored. Every time he was thrown back to that night. But not even ignoring the calls helped. It just left him dwelling on everything and it didn’t even deter them. When next his mum called he found himself in yet another conversation on the topic and only just managed to stop himself from hanging up in her ear. He couldn’t do it anymore. It was pointless, all of it. The part of him that had thought you’d fall for him if you slept together had been proven wrong so there was nothing left to hope for. But with his family and friends thinking you were dating, always asking after you, and with you texting him memes and requesting his help, how was he meant to move on? What he needed was a clean break. But the breakup wasn’t scheduled until after the premiere and it wasn’t like a date had been set, it was up to the studio or your agents or someone else. And Ben wasn’t sure how he’d be able to wait it out that long.

 A breakthrough came in an email from Peter, an update about the movie Ben had signed on for. Originally it was meant to film in England, but those plans were in the process of changing. Part of it would still be done around London but now it seemed a big portion of the filming would happen in Spain too. Peter seemed unsure as to how this change would clash with the plans for the breakup but Ben saw it as the opportunity he needed. He wouldn’t be leaving until after the premiere anyway so it wouldn’t change your last public appearance together, but it would also work as the clean break he’d been looking for. Plus, as he reasoned to Peter, they could use the distance as an excuse for why the breakup happened. Peter seemed to like the idea and agreed that the change of location wouldn’t affect anything enough to make Ben drop out. Ben was relieved, having been excited about the project since he first picked up the script, and began looking forward to getting away from you properly. Being in a completely different country would give him the time and space he needed to stop thinking about you. It would be easy to sever all ties to you and get on a plane and move on, maybe meet someone who could drive you from his mind. He’d have to break up with you though, not just through the press but as a friend too. He couldn’t have you texting him while he was away or commenting on photos he posted online. It had to be complete. He had to remove you from his life entirely. After the premiere would be a good time to tell you. He’d pull you aside at the party or maybe tell you in the limo on the way home. It’d be hard to explain but you’d understand. She’s probably been wondering how to get rid of you anyway. Surely, you’d be pleased to hear he was going to leave you alone, not bother you with his stupid feelings anymore. You’d agree it was for the best.

                                                      ***

The night of the premiere snuck up on Ben. He’d been distracted with warding off his parents every invitation, on top of sorting out everything for his trip to Spain. Before he knew it the night had arrived making him feel equal parts excited about seeing the final product of what he’d spent so many months working on and anxious about seeing you. All he could think about was what he was going to say to you. He felt bad about cutting you from his life but there was relief too, knowing it’d be over soon. As he dressed in the suit his stylist had picked out he went over the speech he’d mentally written. It’s just a breakup, you’ve done it before. Tell her you’re sorry but you can’t see her anymore. That’s all you have to do. So, it was with this confusing mixture of emotions that he got into the limo and he only felt more ill at ease as he approached your place to pick you up. “You look lovely,” he said as you climbed into the car beside him. It came out more robotic than he meant it to. But there was a sense that this was the last time he’d be allowed to properly look at you so, while you were getting settled and taking in the interior of the limousine, he allowed himself a final chance to look you over. A hundred other adjectives to describe how beautiful you were, all dressed up and glowing, popped into his head but he kept those to himself. He couldn’t second guess his decision now. It was the only way to stop caring about you. And yet, he could feel his resolve crumbling just from being near you for the first time in weeks. No. Don’t let her get to you. This is why you can’t be in contact. Ben felt his hand curl into a fist as he reminded himself how useful the space would be. What he needed was some rules, guidelines to follow to help him stick to his plan. He ignored the irony as he came up with them. No holding hands. Actually, make that no physical contact. No voluntary physical contact anyway. He was bound to be asked by someone to take a photo with you or appear on camera with you and he couldn’t refuse if they asked for him to touch you or kiss you or anything. Do as many interviews as you can without her. That would hopefully keep interactions to a minimal. Don’t look at her during the movie.

 It was surprisingly easy to stick to the rules as you both made your way down the red carpet, but he knew it wasn’t so much his choice as it was how busy and noisy and chaotic everything was. People called his name from every side, reporters looking for quick interviews, fans looking for autographs or photos. He was able to sidestep you easily, answering questions that were thrown at him on his own until someone asked if they could speak to you both at once or get a photo of you together. Whenever you were waved over to join him, he attempted to maintain as much space as he could, but you seemed to have set your own rules just to make it harder for him. You took his hand, leant your head on his shoulder, stood so close your leg brushed against his, stroked your hand over his arm, anything and everything you could to be closer to him. Ben wasn’t sure if you really were acting more affectionate (clingy and needy) than normal or if it just felt that way because he was attempting to hold back. He put up with it though, unable to do much besides press on to the next interview without you. The hardest part was when you reached a bank of photographers who wanted a number of photos of the happy couple. Someone called out for him to kiss you and then suddenly the entire crowd was calling for it. He kept it soft and brief, though a part of him regretted not making the final kiss you’d share better.

 After that he was able to escape you for a little, talking to people as everyone gathered in the theatre to watch the movie. He didn’t look at you again until he was on stage with you, introducing the film and saying his words of gratitude and celebration. But even that didn’t last long and then he was able to take his seat and focus his attention on the screen. Watching himself was always a bit of a weird experience. Part enjoying what he’s helped create, part critiquing his performance, and part wondering why it had been edited the way it had been edited. But somehow it was even stranger sitting beside you and watching you play at being in love with him. He recognised expressions, small smiles and looks, that you’d given him on dates during the course of your relationship. Just proof of how fake everything with you was. It left him with a bitter taste in his mouth and an oddly jealous feeling in his gut. And he could feel you looking at him but he stuck to his rules and kept his eyes fixed ahead.

 He turned to his other side afterwards to talk to Alfie, wondering aloud how everyone would react to the movie and laughing about how well it had turned out. Ben couldn’t think what to say to you, knowing the inevitable end was coming. It was closer now that everyone was heading to the after party. So he was grateful when Alfie joined the two of you in your car. “You two ready to party?” He laughed, “Fuck I love that work gives me such a good excuse to get plastered.” Ben laughed along but he was stuck by the realisation that of course there’d be drinking. He’d have to watch how much he had, especially around you. He didn’t want to say something he’d regret or not be able to explain himself properly. “I think shots are in order to get us started. Meet you both by the bar?” “Sounds like a plan Al,” “I’m making yours a double Jones. We’ll have him dancing on the table by the end of the night, right Y/N?” “Oh I’d love to see that.” Cameras flashed as the small group got out of the car. Alfie headed off down the line, catching up with one of the others, leaving Ben and you on your own. Ben felt you press into his side, hanging off his arm, and thought about what waited in the club. Alfie with shots followed by champagne and cocktails and whatever else would be pressed on him during the night. He didn’t want to blurt it out or let it slip in front of other people. He had to tell you before he’d had anything to drink, just in case. It was now. It had to happen now.

 As soon as he was inside, Ben looked around for somewhere he could have a quiet word with you, somewhere no one was likely to overhear. A nearby mirrored hallways seemed the perfect place. Everyone else was busy heading into the main room and it was out of view of the photographers still hanging around outside, waiting for the stragglers to show up. “Can I speak to you over hear a sec?” he lead you around the corner, looking around to double check for eavesdroppers, “So, there’s something I need to…Y/N?” he realised you hadn’t been paying attention, probably keen to get inside and celebrate. “Yeah, sorry, Um…” Ben didn’t hear what you said next, too busy trying to remember everything he wanted to tell you, “I was going to hold off until later but I don’t want to let something slip after a few drinks or anything like that. I can’t do this anymore. This whole thing was a mistake that I should never have agreed to and I need it to be over now.” He could see how confused you were, “You know they’re going to break us up in like a week, right?” “Yeah well, that’s too long to wait. I’m breaking us up now.” He kept talking, sure the shock of it would wear off and you’d agree with him once you’d heard it all, “And…I don’t think I can see you again, not for a while at least. I need some space to forget this ever happened. I, um, I start my new job in a few days so I think they’ll probably use that in the magazines to explain our breakup. And I don’t expect I’ll see you until after it’s finished. If then. So…good luck with that witch movie. Take care of yourself.” He didn’t want to hear you agree with him, didn’t want to hear you say it was for the best or that you were going to suggest the same thing or even a goodbye. So he pushed past you and followed the noise until he found the bar. As promised Alfie was there, with a few others, a shot glass in each hand. He handed one to Ben. “Where’d Y/N go?” “Oh, uh, loo. She’ll be here in a minute.” “Well here’s to a job well done and hopefully some fucking record breaking box office numbers,” “Cheers to that,” Ben clinked his glass against Alfie’s and downed the shot, hissing a little, “another?” “Read my mind,” Ben lost himself in conversation and drinks, chatting with those around him for a while before moving on to talk to more people. Beer in hand, he headed towards the side of the room where a couple of the other main cast were sitting. Claudia looked up as he approached, “Heya Ben! Where’s Y/N? I haven’t seen her all night,” It was only then that Ben realised he hadn’t seen you come in after he’d left you in the hallway. He glanced around in an attempt to spot you, a pang of worry shooting through him but then he stopped looking. She’s not yours to worry about anymore.

                                                      ***

Ben woke up with a minor hangover the day after the premiere. Maybe it was karma. Despite what he told himself, he’d kept an eye out for you all night, but never saw you and he was more than a little worried that it was because of what he’d said. It was tempting to call and ask where you’d gotten to but a quick glance at the clock told him you’d likely still be asleep anyway. Besides, he knew he shouldn’t. He’d told you he wasn’t going to see you again and he intended to stick to his word. Instead he sent a group message to his mates and invited them around for one last hang out before he left for Spain. The next call he made was to his mum. “Hi honey. How’d the premiere go? “It was really fun, movie looks good.” “How long before you fly out?” “Couple of days,” “Shame there’s not enough time for you and Y/N to come over for dinner,” “Yeah, um, about that… we broke up.” “What? Why?” “It just wasn’t working. Mutual decision, we both felt it had run its course but decided to keep it quiet until after the premiere. So, yeah, no dinner, even if I was going to be in the country.” “Oh, honey, are you okay?” “Yeah, fine. Like I said, we both knew it was coming so y’know, no hard feelings or anything.” “It’s a shame, she was so lovely,” “Yeah, well, sometimes things just don’t work the way you think they will.”

The boys arrived in the afternoon, bringing a mixture of snacks and a few beers with them. They settled in the living room to play video games. Ben liked the company. It was a good distraction. Or it would have been if talk hadn’t turned to you. “Bit surprised you wanted us here and not Y/N. Figured you’d spend your last days in the UK with her,” “Why would I when we broke up?” “You what? When?” Ben shrugged, “We broke up. Few days ago,” “Jesus man, I’m sorry,” “Don’t be, it’s fine. I dumped her.” “Yeah but you had to go to the premiere with her right? That’s rough,” “Was a bit but there was an open bar so I coped,” Ben laughed. “Might be time we got him back on the market then,” “What? We only broke up a couple of days ago,” “You’re clearly not too cut up about it,” “What the fuck would you know, you’ve been single for what is it, three years now?” “Well you didn’t tell us when it happened, and you never even told us when you got together. We found out through a magazine, so obviously you weren’t really that serious about her” “We were waiting until after all the movie stuff was done, and that’s bollocks.” “Excuses. Besides, getting someone new to suck you off is the best way to forget an ex. This is your phone right?” “Oi give that back,” There was a scuffle as Ben tried to grab his phone back but he was outnumbered and pinned down as the boys redownloaded his Bumble app and signed in for him, laughing about how he used the same password for everything. “She’s fit, give her a like,” “Oh I like her, might be a bit tall for you though Ben,” Ben rolled his eyes as he watched them swipe on profile after profile until they heard a noise that meant one of the girls had sent him a message. “There you go Ben, didn’t take long did it. You’ll forget all about that Y/N chick in no time,” Ben snatched his phone back, “You guys are such wankers,” “That’s not very nice considering we’ve just got you a new girl,” There was laughter and more teasing as controllers were passed around and the game was loaded. Ben closed the app, thumb hovering over it to delete it again. But maybe they were right. Maybe someone new would be good. He set the phone down again and turned his attention to the game.

                                                      ***

Spain was beautiful and having a new movie to work on was the perfect distraction, especially considering how many stunts, fight scenes, and action sequences were involved. It gave him a chance to meet more people in the industry, people he was excited to work with, and really focus on something other than you. The cast went out together frequently too, dinners at local restaurants, drinks in the hotel bar, getting lost in an unfamiliar city. There was no trace of you there, no reminders of date nights, nothing but work and a new country to explore. Occasionally he’d get a notification that a reporter or curious individual was trying to message him, asking questions about you and the split but he ignored them. Ben deleted the Bumble app too within the first few days, knowing he wouldn’t use it. There was no time, even if he’d wanted to hook up with anyone. He could always reinstall it once he was back home. Once he knew you were in the past. Because the problem was that at some point every night, Ben would get back to his hotel suite and be left alone again. For a while he’d be able to think about what scenes would be filmed the next day, maybe practice some fight choreography. But eventually he’d run out of distractions and then all that was left to think about was you. Peter had sent through the first articles that reported the breakup and since then he’d found himself wondering if you’d moved on yet, found someone else to date now that you were allowed to. He’d considered checking your Instagram account but had held off, knowing it was a step in the wrong direction. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know anyway. He hadn’t gotten over you enough yet to deal with photos of you and another man together.

 This night was much the same as the others had been. Everyone met up for dinner, followed by a couple of drinks and then headed back to the hotel to unwind. Ben decided to call it an early night. He’d spent a good part of the day hooked up to harnesses and wires, being flung at a wall over and over. He was sore and tired figured some extra rest would do him good. He was just settling into bed, trying to keep his mind on the TV show he’d put on when he heard the knock. He listened closely for a moment but it couldn’t be for him, he’d put up a do not disturb sign on his door, so he turned back to the TV and flicked to a different channel. Another knock. It definitely sounded like his door but who would it be? Maybe one of the other actors? But they’d all heard him say he was going to have an early night, so surely not. Again Ben ignored it. The third knock got Ben out of bed, stumbling to the light switch and then the door, ready to politely tell whoever it was to fuck off and let him rest. “Sorry but can you not see the do not dis- Y/N? What ar-” Ben was surprised. Surprised you knew where he was, surprised you’d come there after he’d told you he didn’t want to see you, surprised that you were covering his mouth to shut him up. “You wouldn’t reply to my texts and I didn’t know if you’d listen to any voicemails I left you but I have something I need to tell you so that’s why I’m here.” There was a beat as Ben waited to hear what could be so important that you’d come all the way to Spain to tell him. “I love you.” He gasped but your palm was still over his mouth so he couldn’t say anything. It had to be a joke, didn’t it? But you didn’t look like you were joking. He waited, listening as you explained everything. It was wonderful to know you felt the same but his shock didn’t lessen. He’d been so sure about everything. So sure about how little you’d felt for him, so sure you would have understood why he needed space. And now you were here telling him the exact opposite? It was unfathomable. Maybe it was a hallucination? Maybe he’d got a concussion when he hit the wall too hard earlier. Does concussion make you hallucinate? But blinking didn’t make you disappear and the hand against his mouth felt real enough. “I’ve missed you so much, so fucking much, and all I’ve wanted is to see you again and hear your voice and hug you and I’d really like to date you for real, or at least be friends again because not having you in my life is complete shit.” Ben felt tears prickling his eyes as he realised how backwards he’d had it. You loved him. You. Y/N. You loved him so much you’d flown to Spain just to tell him. “That’s all I had to say,” you said softly, pulling you hand away. Ben staired in disbelief for a moment but you looked as if you were fighting the urge to run for it and it brought him back to his senses. “Thank god,” it was all he could think to say as he reached out to hold you, pulling you tight against him and kissing you the way he’d wanted to kiss you for so long. Relief flooded his system when you kissed back. He didn’t have to forget you or force himself to move on. It had been an impossible task anyway. He was glad to stop trying.

 It’s only when someone makes a noise further down the corridor that he lets you go, asks if you planned to stay, lead you inside and towards the couch. There were things he needed to clear up first, before he could let himself be fully happy with the situation. He looks at you properly then. You look tired, worn out. He’s not sure if it’s from the late hour or the flight or because you’ve not been sleeping properly but it makes him feel guilty that he upset you. He hates that he pushed you away and wasted months trying to get rid of you when you’d both actually wanted the same thing, to be together. But you’re here now. He reached out to brush a strand of your hair behind your ear, almost dizzy with joy that he could do that. “I’m really sorry for how I acted,” You smiled softly as you took a seat and Ben fell into the spot beside you, unable to take his eyes from you. He lets you lead the conversation, trying to sort out his mess of emotions as he explains himself. I thought if I told you I’d never been into you, acted like it, then I could make it true.” “Did it work?” “Of course not,” How could you ever think it would work? That he could just forget you so fast, after he’d fallen for you so hard? “Which is why I pushed you away.” You nodded, seemed to understand where he’d been coming from. He hesitated before reaching out to grab your hand again, a little afraid of touching you lest you turn to smoke and vanish. But you didn’t. He stifled a yawn, hoping you wouldn’t take it as his disinterest in the conversation. He’d stay up as long for as long as it took to go over everything, no matter how tired he was. “Has there been anyone else?” “Anyone else what?” “I saw a thing about you dating again,” That was surprising, not what he’d expected you to bring up. He hadn’t even realised it had been reported on. But he shook his head, explained about his friends encouraging him to move on. It seemed to satisfy you because you leant on his shoulder, let him hold you. He apologised when he yawned again, about to suggest he put a pot of coffee on so he could keep talking. But then you suggested going to bed and he had to agree.

 As soon as his head hit the pillow Ben knew he’d fall asleep fast. Even with the excitement of your arrival and the buzz of joy you brought. He kept his eyes on you. Everything seemed too good to be true. You grabbed his hand and placed it around you, shuffling as close as you could. “You’re actually here, yeah? I’m not just dreaming it?” Ben asked, voicing aloud his biggest worry. “I’m here Ben.” She’s here. In your bed. “Don’t leave, okay?” “I won’t.” She’s here and she’s staying. “I love you,” he needed to say it again, to make sure you knew that he still felt the same. “I love you too,” It was comforting to hear you say it again too, made his heart burst as he kissed you again. He didn’t want to stop but he was much to tired to do anything else. Still, he fought sleep for as long as he could. He’d lost so much time being apart from you that, now he had you back in his arms, sleep felt like a waste of precious hours. Hours he could spend kissing you, being with you, making sure you felt loved. He couldn’t fight it forever though, eventually had to give up. The last thing he saw before he shut his eyes was you, smiling at him, as you lay beside him.

                                                      ***

It had been a long day what with moving you into his house. Even after the boxes were inside and everyone who had been helping out had gone home, there was still a lot to do. Everything needed to be unpacked and put away. Ben had been clearing space on all his shelves and in all his cupboards to fit everything you’d brought with you. Plus there was new furniture from Ikea to unpack and construct. Like the chest of draws he’d been working on before he got up to stretch his legs and grab a glass of water. He caught sight of the magazines that had been left in the kitchen and, chuckling at their stories of marriage and babies, stacked them in a neat pile before he grabbed his drink. As he walked back through the living room he saw you, curled up on the floor beside the box you’d been working through. “Y/N?” Ben shook your shoulder to wake you, trying not to laugh as you blink at him groggily, still half asleep. “Alright, cuddle bunny, up you get. Time for bed, yeah?” “But the boxes,” you argued though it was unenthusiastic and slurred with sleep. “The boxes will be there tomorrow. C’mon, come with me,” Ben half carried you to the bedroom and helped you under the covers, leaving you with a kiss on the forehead before heading back to the draws he was halfway through building.

 By the time he was finished putting the draws together Ben was feeling fairly tired himself. He moved the spare screws off the floor so no one would step on them and then headed back to the bedroom. You were still there, sleeping soundly. Ben paused in the doorway to look at you. It was a sight he loved, you in his bed. The first time you stayed over and slept in his bed rather than the guest room had been a monumental occasion though the novelty of it had worn off a bit now, especially with how frequently you’d stayed at each other’s places before the move. But still, he’d never get sick of seeing you beside him, where you belonged. Same as he’d never get sick of making you tea or trying to convince you to eat an actual breakfast or making you laugh. It was in that moment, leaning against the doorway of the bedroom you now shared, one wall lined with boxes of your belongings yet to be put away, it was then that he knew he wanted to marry you. Have a family with you, spend his life with you. He’d go out and buy a ring once you were moved in properly, though he could hear his friends telling him to wait a little longer, see how everything was living with you first. But that didn’t matter. He wouldn’t have to give it to you straight away after all. But he knew that was what he wanted with you. And now that you were together, after so much time and trouble, he never wanted to let you go.

[scrapyardboyfriends]

Don't know why but I feel totally disgruntled by the latest spoilers for SSW. It's not that I think it is going to really awful but it was the way Kate Brooks talked about next year and how they are making plans for their 50th anniversary celebrations. I'm so sick of her and the other producers. Will there ever be a time when we will be rid of them. They have all but ruined the soap beyond repair. Terrible storylines and dreadful characters. Especially the newbies ones. When will tv sack them.

I get it. It does sort of feel like we'll never be rid of them. The last two producer changeovers happened so quickly relatively to this so this feels kind of endless. And I mean, I'm sure Covid has played a big part in why it's been quite this terrible lately but it's also way more than that and they're starting to lose that as an excuse.

But yeah, when Kate Brooks is taking about how "lives will be changed forever" and how big events are only so good if they have consequences going forward and how they're telling character focused stories...it's like...are you sure? Cause I don't think you're doing enough of that??!

I think it's that way in certain instances but then there's always something that falls short.

Like I think the Tracy PND story was good in theory and very character/issue focused. It's just that they made her so unlikeable during her pregnancy that we didn't have the sympathy we should have had for this and her acting opposite Nate was like acting opposite a wall so it just didn't work as well as it could have.

Or the whole Paul saga into Liv's alcoholism and Vinny's lingering issues thing. It dragged on longer than it should have due to Covid but it wasn't that bad considering some others and it was at least a fairly straightforward story where you weren't like "wait what?" all the time. And it was certainly a story that had aftermath, with Vinny struggling to admit what Paul was and Liv and her drinking, which is better narratively than when stories just disappear and have no purpose. The problem for me there was that Paul was just not a good character. I feel like the story should have been more focused on Vinny/Mandy and less on watching Paul "struggle" with his gambling addiction. Because this wasn't like watching a character we care about struggle with addiction like Rhona or Laurel or Jai or whoever, who act badly and out of character and hurt people because of their addiction. Paul was just an asshole and we were never really meant to sympathize with him but they kept sort of trying to make us anyway. But he also wasn't a fun villain like a Cameron or even a Pierce, who was a monster, but also engaging to watch because the actor was great. So I think they just missed the mark on the focus. Not to mention all the weirdness with Vinny's side of things where it would have made way more sense for a younger character. And the Liv stuff wasn't a bad bit of aftermath, it's just that it was paced really badly after an already kind of badly paced story.

I think the Meena story, because she's fun and because Liam has been heartbreaking in his Leanna grief has been a decent story this year, they just have to stick the landing with ssw and all things considered, we have every reason to fear that they won't. But it has been a good story so far because there have been real consequences with Leanna's death and good aftermath with Liam's grief. And they've had the Vic/David romance side of things, which is probably the best they've done with romance since they've been there because the nature of the story forces them to take things slower with them and there's actual build up and pining and we actually see them spending time together. That's what I want to see with every relationship, but we never actually get it

But so many of their stories are just so random and so plot driven that they just forget about how this would affect the characters and then the stories just end and people move on instantly or never even react to it. I swear, Aaron could still think he's going to prison for that dumb broach plot because we never saw him find out he was in the clear and he's literally never talked to Mack again. It's stuff like that where you're just like...why did you even do this if there was going to be no follow through? It's how I felt about Jaime's hit and run. It's how I felt about Gabby's whole loneliness story. It's how I felt about Lydia's weird identity theft story. It's how I felt about the poisoning story with Kim, which despite all the dramatics, felt very emotionless. It's how I feel like this Jaime fake death story is going to go. Too many stories feel like it's just something they drew out of a hat and they just write it in with no build up and when it's done it's just back to the status quo.

Something I've been enjoying about watching Classic Emmerdale is that the stories are often simpler and they don't just happen and go away. It's not like we're spending unending months harping on one thing so much so that it's exhausting, but things just continue to affect the characters as time passes in a much more natural way. And not everything feels so purposeful to a specific plot but rather just people living their lives with soapy things happening occasionally. I miss that.

As far as the new characters go, I obviously think Meena has been fine. I like Mack well enough but he's still all potential and little substance, which is frustrating. I think Charles and Ethan are good additions to the village. I just think they need to let Ethan interact with other characters more. They've done it a little but I want more, but I want more friendships for literally everyone so that's par for the course. Ben is terrible. I still think Andrea was a bad decision and she's never really worked for me. I have never been particularly enamored with what they've done with Kim's return. Jaime generally annoys me. I've never taken to Will. Dawn has potential but not stuck with Jaime. They've never done enough with Al. I would hope him buying into the pub will help with that but who knows. Billy barely exists these days. I miss him. Ellis has potential with Priya but they don't use him well either. I know they're not all really new but they're new enough that I don't feel like any of them have fully settled in with purpose. It's been a bleak few years. Haha.

So yeah, Kate talking about the 50th anniversary and that they're thinking about what that will be does not fill me with confidence because I want it to be great and I don't know that any of these people are capable of that. Their track record is not the best.

[jalapeno-princess]

More Than Friends

(I was gonna say he looks so good in here but who am I kidding, he always looks so fucking good)

Mark Tuan X Reader

Genre: Angst (but mainly fluff I can’t write angst to save my life)

Word Count: 5K

Summary: You and Mark have a very interesting relationship. The two of you are not exactly dating, but you’re not just friends either. Because of who he is, he isn’t able to take things further in your relationship no matter how badly he wants to. However, something causes him to feel the need to put a label on what exactly is going on between you both.

A/N: (It’s kind of repetitive lol idk how I feel about this story) This was requested by another one of my favorite followers on here @safetypineapples Thank you for all your love and support with my stories and I love reading all of yours! I hope you enjoy this one! Based on the song “At my weakest” by James Arthur.

It's a long night and a big crowd Under these lights looking 'round for you Yeah, I'm steppin' outside under moonlight To get my head right, lookin' out for you, yeah

Could it be your eyes Didn't know that I've been Waitin', waitin' for you When your by my side, everything's alright Crazy, I'm crazy for youOh, here I go, down that road Again and again the fool rushin' in But I can't help when I feel some kind of way Do you feel the same? 'Cause And I fall, I fall for you You caught me at my weakest And I fall for you

“Pick up—fuck—please pick up.” 

Mark was pacing back and forth in the hallway; he must’ve looked like a crazy person to all the staff and security guards at the event, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t too sure why it was happening, especially because he was right about to go on stage, but he was currently going through a panic attack. Just a couple of minutes ago, he was sitting in the dressing room with Yugyeom and Jinyoung, waiting for the rest of the guys to finish getting their makeup and hair done. He was playing a couple of games on his phone when he decided to scroll on Instagram and Twitter for a little while when he stumbled across of a few negative posts that crawled under his skin. 

Being a KPOP idol had its perks; he got to do what he loved, making music, writing songs, touring and traveling around the world, meeting new people and learning of their cultures and getting to perform on stage in front of thousands of their fans alongside his six best friends. Unfortunately, pros also came with cons. With the large amount of love he received all around the world, he also got a lot of unnecessary hate. He never understood what he did to be hated so much. 

Mark was a very kind-hearted, soft-spoken, generous, humble and hardworking person. Sure, he might not have been the best rapper in KPOP, but he gave his all in each and every one of his performances, practices, recording sessions and even when it didn’t have to do with the music; whether it was modeling or being on a reality tv show, he made sure to try his best in order to please everyone he was around. That’s all Mark really wanted to do, but it just wasn’t enough for some people. To the people who weren’t fans of him, if he was too generous, they would consider it as him showing off his wealth and social status. 

There were so many different organizations Mark would donate to and speak up for to show his support but so many antis would claim he was doing it just to look good to the public. However, once he went silent to stop all the loathing and hatred, people called him stingy and claimed he didn’t care about others. These days, it seemed as if Mark was the main target for hate within their group and that says a lot seeing as how Got7 were constantly hated on and ridiculed on a daily basis for no reason at all. Whenever something like this happened, his members would constantly tell him to stay away from social media and told him that all the negative people were just jealous of what an amazing person he was. 

Normally he would do quite the good job with ignoring the hate, and the rumors that were made up about him that made no actual sense at all; but for some reason there was one comment about how Got7 would be much better off without Mark in the group because apparently “Mark doesn’t do anything to really help the groups success in any way.” Or so the comment read. He tried his best to ignore it and he wanted to find something to take his mind off of the comment, but he couldn’t. 

Not even the funny video Yugyeom showed him could prevent him from overthinking and he really didn’t want to show that he was bothered to the other members. As much as he loved them like family, the last thing he wanted to hear was to ignore the hate which is what they always told him. One can only ignore something so much until it actually eats away at them to the point where they feel like screaming and since Mark wasn’t in a place where he could verbally or physically let out his frustrations, he excused himself from the room and walked throughout the arena looking for a quiet and empty place to call the only person he knew that could calm him down. 

The only person whose been on his mind and clouding up his thoughts for the last two months since the tour started. Mark considered every single member of Got7 to be his best friend; from day one the seven of them have been through so much together. So many ups and downs, so many trials and tribulations that only made them stronger as individuals and a whole group. Each member had their own way of cheering Mark up; whether it was Jackson making silly jokes, Jinyoung reciting lines from a show he was acting in, Youngjae bringing coco over for Mark to play with her or BamBam buying him a bunch of luxurious items because in his words “a little Gucci never hurt nobody.” 

However, the only person who could really get Mark out of the deepest funk was you. You, in more or less words were the only other best friend Mark had apart from his members. He told you every single secret, worry, doubt and insecurity he had because he trusted you with his entire being. On the fateful day the two of you met over a year and a half ago, Mark knew you were going to be someone special in his life and that was an understatement. If he was being honest, you were his entire life; Mark never believed in soulmates before meeting you. 

The idea of two people out of the billions of people in the world being destined together was so cliche and he didn’t understand why so many people would claim they met their soulmate. As the days went by and he spent more and more time with you, Mark realized that he got more than he bargained for when he became friends with you and that’s when he knew he was in trouble. Your relationship with Mark was hard to explain; for the first few months, you found confidants in one another. He was your escape from reality just as much as you were his. When your education and work got too much for you to handle, Mark would do whatever he could in his power to get you to focus on better things. Further down the line of being friends, it then blossomed in to something more. Even when Mark was still getting to know you, he found himself developing a little crush on you, but it was inevitable. 

You had a beauty that Mark couldn’t even put in to words to describe. He may have been surrounded with so many beautiful idols, actresses and models on a weekly basis, but there was just something; actually many things about you that stood out from everyone else. Mark was sure he’d be able to spot you in a crowded room because his eyes were always looking for you and because you just radiated such a positive and spirit lifting energy that was so contagious. He always wanted to be around you. Around four months in to your friendship, Mark confesses his feelings for you, but he knew he couldn’t act on them. Dating was taboo in the KPOP industry and most idols who were in relationships did their best in hiding it. 

There was nothing Mark wanted more than to be the lucky guy you called yours, but it was selfish of him to want to take things further with you knowing that he’d be holding you back from so many things. And it wasn’t like the two of you could have a normal relationship. He wouldn’t get to take you on all these cute dates he was sure you wanted to go on, he wouldn’t get to post about you nor would you be allowed to post anything about him, he couldn’t hold hands, hug you, hold you and kiss you unless it was behind closed doors. 

He wouldn’t be able to give you the love and attention you deserved and never failed to show him every single day and that’s what bothered him the most. You were so close, yet so far away and Mark was afraid that you’d get tired of being just friends with him and decide that you didn’t want to wait around for him. Especially since you requited his same feelings and made it aware that you were willing to do whatever it was that he asked of you. You were aware of how hectic his life was and you had a feeling a relationship would be something he wouldn’t be able to give you and you respected it completely. 

As long as you had Mark in your life, it didn’t matter what he was to you. But you were only human. You were still so young and had a great head on your shoulders. You had so much going for you yet you were always at his beck and call whenever he needed you. To both his delight yet dismay, you were willing to drop anything and everything for him. While he was away, you’d wake up in the middle of the night to talk to him and stay up till the wee hours of the morning to listen to him talk about his day even if you had an early morning shift or class. 

When he got sick, you’d pick up some medication and make some soup to help him feel better. If you were out with friends or colleagues and he asked to hang out, you’d give them some lame excuse and made your way over to him. Mark could never come up with the right words to say to show you and tell you just how much you meant to him and how afraid he was to lose you. All he could do, was show you through his actions; his gentle kisses on your cheeks, your forehead and your lips, how he would always need to be touching you whenever the two of you would spend time together, the way he would always check up on you to make sure you’ve eaten all your meals and that you were taking good care of yourself and doing all these little things for you like blowdrying your hair for you when you were too tired or helping you study for an exam even if he had no clue what he was reading. 

He could only hope you understood his nonverbal signals of love. Being on tour was always so fun; it seemed as if more fans came out with every new tour and tonight in London, there were at least 40,000 people at the Wembley stadium waiting for Got7 to perform. Over the years, his nerves slowly calmed down and performing on stage was such an indescribable feeling that he was so grateful for being able to do. The only thing he hated about touring, was being away from you. 

Mark made sure to FaceTime you whenever he got the chance, but it wasn’t the same as seeing your breathtaking smile and contagious laughter that he loved so much in person. He’s asked you to go along with them many times, but because you were a full time student with a full time job, and Mark’s company didn’t think it would look good for some random girl to join them on tour and follow them around the world, you stayed back in Korea. As the phone line kept ringing, anxiety built up in his chest the longer he waited. He checked his phone to see what time it was in Korea and he let out an exasperated sigh. 

It was currently six in the morning and since Mark knew your schedule like the back of his hand, there was a chance you were either getting ready for school or for work and he tried his best not to be upset. Just like how his work was his main priority, you had every right to make your studies and your work ethic your main concern. However, you had a tendency to put Mark at the top of your priorities and sometimes he wished you didn’t think so highly of him. He wanted to give you the same amount of attention and praise you’ve shown him over the years and you were his second main focus right after his job. 

He hated putting you second, he was sure you must’ve loathed having to be his second priority but you never complained nor would you make it known that it bothered you and Mark didn’t know what higher power it was that brought you two together nor did he know what he did to deserve someone so patient and understanding, but he would do it time and time again if it meant having you in his life for as long as he possibly could. With one more sigh, he began walking back towards the corridors where their waiting room was located when he felt his phone vibrate. He didn’t even miss a beat, once he saw your name on the screen he answered and he didn’t care how desperate he sounded. He was sure he didn’t have much time to talk to you, but it didn’t matter. All Mark needed was to hear your voice and he knew he’d feel so much better. 

“Hey baby, I’m sorry I missed your call. I was washing my face and brushing my teeth. Aren’t you going on stage here soon? Is everything okay?” 

Just hearing your soft little giggle through the speaker was enough to get him to forget of his problems and all he focus on was the sound of your gentle and extremely soothing voice. The term of endearment made him feel even more giddy and he was sure if the guys were to see the effect that you had on him, they wouldn’t let him live it down. 

“Yeah I just—I just wanted to talk to you. I’m sorry if I’m bothering you, I just really miss you. That’s all.” 

By the hesitant tone of his voice, you could tell there was something more that he wasn’t telling you, but you weren’t going to pry at him. You never forced mark to go in to detail about what was worrying him and wanted him to confide in you at his pace. But you hated knowing that something was currently on his mind not knowing exactly what it was. Even if Mark was a couple of years older than you, you always felt the need to protect him from any evil. His happiness and well being was all you ever cared about and sometimes you’d put it before your own. 

“I miss you too Mark and you’re never a bother, you know that. You know if something is wrong, you can tell me right?” 

Although you couldn’t see him, you could tell he was nodding in agreement. The two of you had a mutual understanding; you’d wait for each other to find solace in one another but when you did, you’d let it all out. “I know, thanks y/n. I read something so shitty earlier, but hearing your voice makes it all the more better. Don’t worry about me babe, I’m okay. I’m sure the guys are probably looking for me. I’ll call you after the show, have a nice morning and don’t forget to eat a hearty breakfast. I’ll talk to you soon love.” 

Once you both said your goodbyes, Mark felt energized and ready to go on stage. He didn’t think it was possible for someone to change him for the better but here you were, making his heart feel as if it was about to bust out of his chest and he never wanted that feeling to go away. As soon as he made his way back to the dressing room where all the guys were dressed up and waiting for him, they were all confused seeing the huge grin on his face after he left so abruptly as if something was wrong; but none of them were going to question it. They were all aware of who you were to Mark and all six of them approved of you. 

They loved the effect you had on the eldest boy; they loved the way you made him laugh and smile on his darkest days. You were the light Mark needed and they knew you were put in his life to save him from himself. Once they all walked out onstage and heard the thousands of screams and chants echoing throughout the arena, anything that was bothering Mark no longer mattered to him. All he could think about was making the fans happy, putting all his energy in to each and every song they performed and getting to call you again later. The concert went off without a hitch and honestly it had to be one of the best concerts they’ve done since they started touring. 

For the rest of the week, Got7 finished the Europe leg of the tour and as much as Mark loved exploring the many different cities, trying the different foods they had to offer and taking a well deserved rest from all his other work, he couldn’t wait for the two week break the guys were allowed back in Korea. He couldn’t find it in himself to sleep the night before, he was just so excited to have you in his arms again and he came up with the plan to surprise you about coming home earlier than expected. Everyone seemed to know of Mark’s plans because as soon as they landed, they hailed him a taxi and gave the driver your address which he was extremely grateful for. While he was away, he’d find himself overthinking your relationship. 

He wanted—no, Mark needed to set things straight between the two of you. Even if you told him that you were willing to wait for him for as long as he needed you to, humans could only be patient for so long and he was afraid you’d find somebody while he was away. Somebody who could take care of you in ways Mark could only wish he’d be able to. Somebody who would love you freely; out in the open without having to worry about a rumor breaking out. Somebody worthy of all your love and admiration. 

It was late when they arrived back and he could only hope you didn’t log on to social media and saw that Got7 were back in Korea. He quickly stopped by a cute little hole in the wall florist shop and purchased you a dozen of your favorite flowers. No matter how jet lagged he was from the ten hour flight and how much he wanted to go to sleep, the desire and urge to hold you in his arms was stronger than any exhaustion he felt. He knew he should’ve texted you to ask what you were doing in case you were out to dinner with your friends, but he was just too excited to finally see you that it slipped his mind that there was a chance you weren’t home. 

As soon as he buzzed your doorbell, there was an odd feeling that crashed over him and he couldn’t put his finger on it. However, once you opened the door and he saw you dressed so prettily, the numbness he felt in his chest only grew more. 

“Oh my God—Mark! What are you doing back so early?!” 

You didn’t give him any time to answer before you practically jumped on him; wrapping your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist. You began leaving chaste kisses on the sides of his face and finally left a sloppy kiss on the corner of his mouth before jumping down. 

“Hello to you too baby. I wanted to surprise you. God y/n, I’ve missed you so much.” 

You looked up at him with an adoring look in your eyes before cupping his cheek. These last three months without him was just as hard and if not more difficult on you than it was for him. Mark had all his members, friends, staff, family and fans by his side but all you really had was him. Although he never failed to lean on you whenever he needed to, you didn’t want to bother him and handled most of your problems by yourself. Even if he told you to tell him when something wasn’t going your way; you just never wanted to burden him. Just getting a text of encouragement was enough to help ease your negative thoughts. 

Seeing him, with his fluffy, brown hair down to his neck, his face more healthier and fuller than the last time you’ve seen each other and his biceps more prominent, it was an overwhelming feeling and you had a hard time believing he was actually back and at your apartment. 

“Mmm, I missed you too handsome. Let’s get you settled in. Did you eat? Are you hungry? You look exhausted Mark.” You reached for his hand as he held the bouquet of flowers under his arm and dragged in his luggage with his free hand. Since you were ahead of him, you didn’t get to see the way his cheeks turned bright pink at your sudden movement. He was so whipped for you. Once you walked in to your living room, he was quick to notice the box of chocolates on your coffee table and the flowers in a vase sitting on your counter. There was that weird feeling again and he was soon growing curious with what exactly it was that seemed to be eating away at him. You had him take a seat on the couch as you hurriedly brought his luggage in to your room and made your way back to him. 

“I uh—these are for you.” You gave him a toothy grin; excited at the idea of him thinking to stop by somewhere and get you flowers. The soft peck on his lips was your token of appreciation and you walked in to your kitchen to find another vase to put his flowers in. Although he felt as if he could practically knock out right there, he got up from the couch and walked over to you. He wrapped his arms around your waist and placed his chin on top of your shoulder. You’ve always adored the height difference between you and Mark. You weren’t the shortest person ever, but you weren’t blessed with height. You shivered at the feeling of him pressing a kiss against your neck and leaned back in to his chest to give him more access to your nape. 

“Where’d you buy the flowers from?” When he felt you tense up at his question, he knew something was up and he had a gut feeling he wasn’t going to like the answer. 

“I just came back from a double date—but it’s not what you think. One of my coworkers really likes this guy, but she didn’t want to go out with him on her own just yet so she asked me to tag along with her. Honestly she’s been trying to set me up with all these guys but I’ve told her I’m unavailable more times than I can count on my hands. I think she used that as an excuse for me to go out on a date, but I really wasn’t interested. He gave me these flowers and those chocolates, but I didn’t really give him any of my attention and if I’m being honest, the entire thing was so awkward and I gave an excuse to leave early. I’m glad I did though.” 

You were facing him at his point and ran both your hands through his hair. So that’s why you were all dolled up; Mark knew he wasn’t overreacting for no reason. You just came back from a date. It didn’t matter that your friend set you up, for all he knew you could go on multiple dates and he couldn’t do anything about it. The two of you were untitled. He didn’t have the right to stop you from looking for a genuine relationship. All he could do was hope and pray that the feelings you harbored for him were enough to get you to stick around. 

The way his brows furrowed made you nervous and you didn’t think he cared for you in that way to get bothered at the idea of you seeing someone else. You and Mark may have acted like a couple, but because he wasn’t able to be in a relationship nor did he make it verbally known that he wanted to be one with you, you didn’t think it was possible for him to grow jealous at the thought of you dating someone else. 

“I see. Have you been on any other dates? Met anyone worth your while?”

“No. Just the one tonight. Why would I look for anyone else when I have you Mark? Or I mean—actually I don’t know what I mean. I’m not yours and you’re not mine yet I’m holding on to this tiny little thread and the little voice that’s telling me to not give up on us but I don’t know what you see me as; for all I know I could just be a friend you kiss every now and then just because you can’t have anything to serious. I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t bother me and that I’m fine with being stuck in this untitled relationship knowing that I want more, but all I care about is you. I know it’s hard for you to live a normal life and I just wanted to give you whatever it is that you need. I’m sorry, I talk too much—“ 

When you felt a teardrop fell on your cheek, you hesitantly looked up at the older boy and felt a pang to your chest at the sight of his lip quivering as tears were building up at his eyelids. Everyone and anyone who knew Mark was well aware of how sensitive he could be and it was a trait of his you genuinely appreciated. It showed that he had such a big heart. There were moments where he would cry watching a sad video or movie and you’d always smile softly to yourself at how adorable he was. But now, seeing him cry and having a feeling that you were the reason made your head spin. He brought his hands down to your waist and lifted you up on to the counter before connecting your lips together in a rough and extremely passionate kiss. 

You and Mark might have shared quite a few kisses in the last year, but this was the first time his lips smashed and melded against yours perfectly. His lips were chapped and tasted salty from his tears, but it didn’t matter. He all but gently forced his tongue in to your mouth and down your throat and although the feeling was foreign, you could find yourself getting used to this. All too soon, he pulled his lips away and placed his forehead against yours, earning himself a soft whimper from the absence of warmth. He began gliding his thumb along your thigh while lifting your chin up so that you were making eye contact with him.

“I’m sorry y/n, I’m so fucking sorry for having to put you through all of that for the last year but I’m so grateful for each and every single sacrifice you’ve made for me. You’re way more than just a friend to me baby, I thought it was obvious with the way I have to constantly be kissing these pretty lips of yours and the way I always need you around. If you were just a friend, I wouldn’t be calling you and checking up on you every day. You wouldn’t be on my mind the first thing when I wake up and right before I go to bed and I know it’s my fault for not telling you how I feel but I’m telling you now, I’m crazy about you. I was always yours y/n, always. You mean everything to me y/n and you know what? I love you. I love you so much y/n and I plan on loving you for a very long time. I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, I don’t care about the repercussions or what punishment I get for this, but please be my girlfriend. I’ll do anything to be yours completely.” 

With the way he was looking at you, as if you were the one who set the entire universe in to the sky, you were putty in his hands. You never said it out loud, but this is what you’ve wanted from the time that Mark stumbled in to your life. Because you were afraid to come off too forward and selfish, you didn’t tell him that you’d daydream of the day he could finally be able to date you without having to worry about what people or say or do if and when they were to find out. You pulled him closer to your body and hid your face in the crook of his neck. Feeling his heartbeat against your chest made it harder for you to keep the growing smile on your face at bay. You really did love the beautiful boy in front of you. 

“I love you too Mark. I’ve always had these feelings for you and I know they’re not going anywhere. You really are one of the best things that ever happened to me. I want nothing more than to take things further with you. It’s always been you too baby. I’m always going to be here for you.” 

He stole a couple more kisses from the corner of your mouth before picking you up from off of the counter and throwing you over his shoulder. “Mark, what are you doing?!”

“You can’t look that amazing and not expect me to show you exactly what you do to me. I’m gonna make love to my beautiful baby.”

“Mark! At least take me to dinner first before getting in to my pants you ass.”

He playfully slapped your butt before making his way toward your room. “You know babe, our relationship was never normal to begin with so there’s no point in following the rules. I like living dangerously. Forget dinner y/n, I’m going straight for dessert.”

Oh, here I go down that road Again and again the fool rushin' in But I can't help when I feel some kind of way Do you feel the same? 'Cause And I fall, I fall for you You caught me at my weakest I fall, I fall for you You caught me at my weakest I fall for you

Love you gonna get hold on me Tell me what you gonna do to me Now you've gone and got your hands on me Tell me what you gonna doAnd here I go down that road Again and again the fool rushin' in But I can't help when I feel some kind of way Do you feel the same?'Cause I fall, I fall for you You caught me at my weakest Yeah, I fall, I fall for you You caught me at my weakest And I fall for you

[writerpeach]

High Tension

IZ*ONE Miyawaki Sakura x Male Reader

5686 words

categories: smut, oral, semi-public sex, detective! kkura

18+

Note: This is a prequel to Detective Eunbi’s interrogation chapter

Read on AFF

Read on AO3

There wasn’t coffee strong enough to get you through this investigation.    

Over a week had passed since this case started. The body of a man in his mid-forties was found washed up on shore, all signs pointed to the mafia being behind it. It made things both more suddenly complicated and dangerous.

The long workday felt like a complete waste, interrogation after interrogation going nowhere. An important suspect lost after the good cop/bad cop routine went sour with no choice but to let him go without a reason to keep him contained. 

Another witness interview was canceled after they got spooked, either threatened or bought off, or both. Calling it a bad day would be an understatement. 

Frustration was at an all-time high. Evidence was insultingly lacking at this point, whoever put this hit out knew what they were doing and knew how to cover up their tracks. 

You rubbed your temple, trying to erase the pounding headache and doing anything for a sanity check.

A soft voice spoke up and broke up your irritation. 

“Let’s look over the evidence again.”

The voice of your partner, a young Japanese woman, Miyawaki Sakura. She graduated a year early and top of her class, quickly climbing the career ladder and earning the rank of detective in half the time. 

“We don’t have any evidence, that’s the problem,” you said with clear defeat in your voice.

“Then we’ll look at what we have and go from there,” she said, always keeping a calm mind.

You were lucky to have her as a partner. She filled any cracks of your armor, relying more on logic when you relied more on raw emotions. 

The small room that served as your base of operations grew stuffy. Papers were thrown messily all over the table, while the whiteboard was a fractured mess of potential suspects, forming a poorly told story of events that had no rhyme or reason. 

“We have to find out who did this. For respect for the victim and his family," you said as you looked again and again through scarce files and dossiers. Sakura smiled reassuringly across the table.

“It’s okay, we’ll figure this out. We’ll find new leads if we have to, somebody has to know who did this.” 

Sakura always knew what to say when things looked bleak. 

“I wish I shared your confidence. I’ve seen too many unanswered murders lately.” 

“I know it’s tough to be positive right now with what little we have, but we have to persevere. People are counting on us. We can't give up that easily.” 

Sakura’s soothing voice helped put you at ease, as did the radiating smile that always seemed to be on her lips even during the toughest of times. 

“Let's start at the top. Hirai Hitoshi, age 46. Found washed up on shore at approximately 4:30 am. Cause of death was a bullet point-blank to the head. No witnesses so far.” Sakura said, reading over the notes. 

“Yakuza members don’t kill randomly, he was sticking his nose in places they didn’t want it in,” Sakura continued. 

“Hitoshi-san was a prosecutor that remained undefeated for almost a decade until his untimely death.” 

“Very convenient. There’s a trial coming up in a week, three men from the Godo clan are being charged,” you said. 

“So we have the why, now we just need the who," Sakura said, gears turning in her head.

“Which brings us back to where we started. The Godo clan runs several families deep. It could be any clan who orchestrated the hit,” you said, sighing loudly.

You stood up out of your chair and paced around the room, stopping at the whiteboard and the measly evidence that was pinned there.

“We have nothing. “ you said, hanging your head in defeat.

Sakura joined you at the whiteboard. “We’ll find something. Tomorrow is a new day, maybe we’ll get lucky.” 

“Let’s hope so.” 

“Criminals always slip up, they can’t cover up everything. There has to be a clue somewhere, maybe a witness who isn’t scared to speak up,” she said as her determination grew.

“Sounds too good to be true.” 

“Maybe, maybe not. Detective Kwon is coming from the big city to interrogate one of our potential suspects. Word is nobody ever comes away from her without talking. I’ve heard her methods are very unconventional,” Sakura said. 

“Unconventional? How so?”

“Don’t know the details. I just know she’s very good at her job.” 

“I wish I could be,” you said as you took a deep breath, exhaling loudly. Sakura caressed your shoulder gently. 

“You don’t need to wish, you are good. You’re just overworked. We both are.”

“That’s an understatement. Paid vacation seems so far away.”

Sakura squeezed your arm. 

“You’re so tense,” she said, feeling how tight your muscles were.

“Yeah, well this case is driving me insane, “ you said as you stared at the whiteboard, wanting to flip the whole thing upside down. 

“When’s the last time you had a massage?” 

“A massage? Never,” you replied, cocking an eyebrow.

 “You should try it out. I get one every few weeks, it really helps put me at ease. Plus, work covers all the expenses.” 

“Strangers touching me was never my thing.”

“I felt the same way at first, but I got used to it. You’ll feel wonderful after.” 

“I appreciate the offer, but I’ll have to pass.”

“So stubborn still I see,” she laughed.

“It’s who I am.” 

You rubbed your eyes and took a peek at the clock above the whiteboard. It was well past midnight. 

“You need a clear head. You can’t be a good detective if you can’t see straight.” 

“I’ll make sure to pick up a six-pack on the way home then.” 

“That’s not what I meant,” she frowned. “You need to find a way to relieve all this tension in a healthy way,” she said, putting herself in between yourself and the whiteboard, lips grinning widely.

“Are you going to give me a massage, Miss Miyawaki?” you teased. 

“No, I’m not trained for that,” she shyly said. “But I do know how to make you relax."

Her gaze turned deadly as she tilted her head to the side. 

“We’re at work-” Sakura interrupted you by placing a finger on your lips. 

“You can’t use that as an excuse. There’s not a single person still here except forensics, and they’re on the next floor up.” 

“Sakura…”

“You have a girlfriend? A wife?” 

“Negative. I don’t have time for that.” 

“That’s perfect then,” she said. Eyes forward, you met hers, seeing every perfect feature of her pretty face lit up. 

You were very, very, attracted to Sakura. With a body like hers and an equally gorgeous face, how could you not be? But you chose not to act on your desires, instead banking on your professionalism to keep you above water. But when faced with the proposal that you think Sakura was about to give you...

“How long have we known each other?”  Sakura asked, her small hands fiddling and playing with your tie, loosening it up.

“Two years, three months.” 

“Then don’t you think it’s about time we go to know each other, a little... better?” 

Her gaze didn’t weaken as she stepped even closer, growing more confident by the second. It’d be a lie to say you weren’t a bit intimidated at this point. 

“There’s that late-night burger shop that’s open late, I’m sure that’d be a fine place to-” 

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about.” 

“Then feel free to tell me what you are then,” you said with a smug expression.

“You should know I’ve been a detective long enough to know when someone is playing dumb.”

“I would never do such a thing,” you playfully said.

“I just think it’s in our best interest if we got to know each other a lot more intimately.” 

“I’d have to agree with that,” you said, a mischievous look now draped on your features. 

Two years of built-up sexual tension came to a close as Sakura’s lips crashed against your own, her hands cupping your face as you wrapped your arms around her small waist. Her taste was delectable, her cherry lips soft and warm. 

Your heart raced as you finished your first kiss, followed by another as her small frame leaned against your body. 

“I’ve never had the chance to tell you how good you always smell,” Sakura said as you pulled her in closer, fully wrapping your arms around her petite body. 

Your lips never left the warmth of each other, not ready to disengage as your lips merged together, bodies pressing together even tighter. Your attention was on the taste of Sakura, her lips doing their job in distracting you as you felt her hand slip down your pants, your body twitching in response. 

With the kiss momentarily broken, Sakura whispered in your ear. “I said I was going to help you relax...and I meant it.” She softly pumped you up and down until you were fully erect, feeling satisfied as she began undressing you. Your tie was gone in no time as she unbuttoned every button with ease, exposing your bare chest as she stripped it off your body. 

Sakura eyed your half-naked body like a delicious meal before giving your chest a quick peck, tossing her heels underneath the table and dropping to her knees, a sinful smile plastered on her lips. 

She stared at the bulge in your pants now the center of attention for several seconds as her hands quickly yanked your pants and boxers off, gasping quietly at your freed cock. There was an obvious hunger in her eyes as she wrapped her slim fingers around it, stroking it up and down slowly as you leaked over her fingers. 

“Guess you needed this badly?” she asked with a grin, licking up and down your length and swirling around your swollen head, causing more pre-cum to dribble out of your dripping slit and catching it all with her tongue as you let out a light groan.

“It’s been a while since I’ve done this, so I hope my oral skills will be up to par,” Sakura nervously said. 

“Nonsense, there’s nothing you aren’t good at.” 

Sakura’s expression became determined, and she wanted to prove herself. Her pretty mouth planted a kiss on your shaft before she swallowed up your tip, silky-soft lips making contact and wrapping around the first couple inches and sucking gently, hollowing her cheeks as you instinctively moan.

The pleasure sent shivers up and down your spine even as she barely took you into her mouth. Her lips felt incredible, so soft and warm and tightly pressed around your shaft. Sakura looked so pretty on her knees as she pleased you and began bobbing her head up and down, applying more pressure and using her tongue alongside her lips, flicking against the underside of your shaft to give even more pleasure.

“You’re definitely still good at that,” you said, interrupting your groans and moans. Sakura looked into your eyes and increased her pace in response, her warm mouth moving forward and giving a loud slurp of your shaft that would drive any recipient of such an intense blowjob absolutely wild.

The lust in Sakura’s beautiful round eyes was obvious as she sucked you off, enjoying it almost as much as you were. She didn’t keep either of her hands idle, one caressing your thigh while the other kept pumping your hard shaft. 

Sakura kept her sultry gaze on you as she kept you inside her wet mouth, her lips sealed tight as they did the majority of the work. Little by little, she swallowed even more of you up, leaving a wet trail of warm saliva glazing your shaft as she took you halfway inside without any trouble. 

With each bob of her head, she edged closer towards the end of your shaft before she withdrew to your tip, her gifted mouth sliding back and forth with ease as if she had done it hundreds of times before.

You took several deep breaths while Sakura worked her magic between your legs, still awestruck by what was happening to you. Her lips went deeper, much deeper, almost to the base of your cock. She gagged a bit with every attempt but didn’t stop, not wanting to disappoint both herself and you, she wasn’t a quitter.

Once Sakura had mostly relaxed her throat and tamed her gag reflex she went wild, using her ability to deepthroat your shaft effortlessly and giving you the full amount of pleasure. 

“Oh fuck, that feels so fucking good.” 

Sakura used her deadly eyes to acknowledge you as she used long strokes from tip to base, slurping on your cock loudly and bobbing her head at a faster pace, using a free hand to fondle and massage your full balls as her own arousal levels spiking at your moans. 

You helped her out - not that she needed it, but you needed an outlet for the sharp pleasure running every fiber of your body and ran a hand through the soft strands of her dark blue hair, guiding her movements. When your tip struck the back of her throat she tightened around your shaft, causing an involuntary series of loud, throaty moans escaping in response. 

She gave it her all, going wild and sucking your cock with a fierceness and speed you had never felt before, resting herself at your base and staring up until she couldn’t take it anymore. Her lips left your shaft and pulled herself off as she furiously stroked your cock, and you were thankful to have a much-needed break. 

“Not bad, huh?” she said, with a strong sense of confidence. 

“Gonna be still feeling that in the morning, it was that good,” you said, feeling a bit lightheaded. “Let me return the favor.” 

Sakura didn’t give any protest and smiled as she stood upright, finding yourself still reeling from the pleasure she had given. She did her part, pulling her white top over her head and showing off her breasts encased in a blue lace bra. They weren’t the biggest, but they matched her body type, nice and perky and plentiful enough to grab a handful of. 

You let aggression take over for a moment and lifted Sakura on the table, laying her down on top of piles of papers and files everywhere. She welcomed the change in mood as you pulled her bra down, exposing her perky pale tits and feasting on them with your eyes.

Like a fire had been lit inside, your lips embraced again, this time with additional tongue, forgoing passionate kisses for sloppy wet kisses which were immediately returned. You kissed down her neck, planting several kisses on her sensitive skin before moving down to her collarbone, and finally reaching her chest. 

Not wasting a second you dove into her breasts and sucked on Sakura’s pretty pink nipples, earning several soft moans, and keeping your hands full as much as possible, sucking harshly and loudly, wet noises matching the volume of her cute whiny moans.

“That feels really good,” she said, her eyes even more filled with lust and desire. 

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted you?” you asked, and continued to lather up her sensitive nipples, suckling on them without any restraint as if you were intoxicated by the sounds Sakura let out.

She shook her head. 

“Since we started working together. I never forget those tight short skirts you always wear. But I kept all my thoughts drowned in my head.”

“Such a professional,” she teased. “But now you have me, so do with me what you want.” 

What a perfect invitation. As if to demonstrate, you placed a hand on her back and picked her up, spinning her body around as her palms went flat on the table. Planting a few kisses on her lower back, you squeezed her ass through her skirt before harshly yanking it down, exposing her delicious backside. Sakura’s ass was perfect, plump and round and the matching blue thong that nestled in between her cheeks was the only thing standing in your way.

You squeezed her warm flesh again wantonly, thoroughly enjoying her body and kneading it for several seconds, the softness of her cheeks brought nothing but joy to your senses. Keeping things going, you brought your mouth to her cheeks and planted your lips on each one, scraping your teeth gently against her skin and nibbling on them just a bit as Sakura gasped. 

“You must like my ass,” she said.

“I love all of you, but especially your ass.” 

“I’ll make a mental note to wear less underwear around you then,” she said, giving a cute smirk. 

Just the thought aroused you even more, and you gave her core a few licks through the delicate thin fabric of her thong, feeling a dampness there already.

“So wet.” 

“I have you to blame for that.” 

A few more licks up and down her pussy through her underwear made Sakura tremble as she moved her hips back towards your mouth. Before you could give her any more momentum you pulled away and flipped her body back over, her thighs planted firmly on the edge of the table as you took in the sight of such a delightful tight body. 

“I never got to tell you what a sexy fucking body you have.”

“Well now you did,” Sakura smiled. You peppered her tight tummy in several places with kisses before kneeling to the ground and grabbed the waistband of her thong. She lifted her legs up to help and you peeled it off her body, spreading her legs wide and enjoying the view. 

“Beautiful.” 

Sakura blushed. The same word could describe both her delicious looking pussy, and everything about Sakura. Her pink pussy lips glistened already, and you couldn’t wait to have a taste. 

You weren’t going to dive right in though, preferring to warm her up even though she was plenty wet. Lips firmly making contact on her soft creamy thighs, you kissed and licked them numerous times, hearing needy moans escaping as you ate them up, debating whether to leave marks on her pristine pale skin. 

Sakura whined. “You won’t tease me will you?” You responded with more kisses on her thighs before looking up.

“Only if you want me to.” 

“I-I don’t. Not now.” 

“Then I won’t,” you replied, giving a long lick up and down her wet slit and tasting her for the first time, proudly earning a cute whimper. 

“So delicious.” 

Running your tongue through Sakura's wet folds, you licked them clean as you explored her pussy. Keeping her legs spread wide open, you watched the contorted pleasure on her face as you dove in and devoured her pussy, sweet juices coating your tongue as every lick made Sakura melt. 

"Y-you're so good at that," she moaned, hips squirming and writhing, trying to grind herself against your tongue. 

You kept one hand on her tight stomach as you ate her out, her encouraging moans being music to your ears. Dragging your tongue up and down her folds you found her sensitive clit and flicked against it, earning even louder moans, this time more high-pitched. 

With your lips sealed against her clit, you turned her into a squirming mess, endlessly turned on by seeing a side of Sakura you never had before. Loud erotic moans continued by the second as she let herself go, juices leaking more and more into your mouth and you lapped up all of her nectar. 

Her taste was unforgettable and you could have eaten her pussy out for hours given the chance. Slow flicks against her clit turned into a merciless speed, feeling her body trembling as she was unable to keep herself stationary as her splayed out limbs moved on their own, chasing that desirable bliss as her hands formed tight fists. 

“Fuck, I'm so close, don’t stop, please don’t fucking stop."

You gave her the extra pleasure she needed, slurping away on her clit and adding extra pressure, honing in and helping her climax. Her moaning went frantic as you kept your lips surrounding her swollen nub, watching the bliss on her face as her movements became uncontrollable.

"I-I'm gonna cum!" she moaned, and not long after you felt her juices gushing into your mouth. Her back arched violently, hips bucking wildly and toes curling as you kept your face in between her thighs. She desperately grabbed your hair and kept you buried against her center as she rode out her explosive orgasm, drenching your lips and chin and feeling absolutely breathless. 

Sakura came beautifully for what felt like several minutes, slowly coming down from her high, chest heaving and gasping for air. Once her senses recovered her glazed over eyes looked into yours, showing approval and deep satisfaction. 

"It's been a while since I came that hard," she said, still struggling to catch her breath and her eyes looking delirious. 

“You’re just saying that.” 

Sakura shook her head. “I’m not. I swear I saw stars for a sec, that’s how good you were.” 

You didn’t know how to respond, but Sakura did. “Let’s not waste time. Fuck me now?” she said, half asking, half commanding.

You rose quickly and obeyed, lining yourself up and finding the right angle as you nudged your shaft against her wet opening. You didn’t enter yet, running your tip between her silky pink lips, feeling the slick collecting against your hard flesh. 

“You said you wouldn’t tease,” she whined, a hint of desperation in her voice.

“I did...but I still need to have a little fun with you.” 

She pouted as you felt more heat around your shaft, running yourself through her wetness. You aimed your cock carefully pushed forward against her hole, parting her wet pussy lips enough to penetrate her tight walls. You both gasped. 

Sakura was insanely tight. Most girls you’d been in were tight, but not like this, she had a vice-like grip on your cock. Her wetness was equal to how tight she was, and before even moving you just rested inside her and savored the sensations around your shaft. 

You watched for any discomfort as you pushed deeper inside Sakura, feeling even more tightness as she was filled halfway before withdrawing and earning another whine. 

Not giving her a chance to complain again you entered her again, slowly moving inch by inch until you had filled her to the hilt, resting every bit of your cock inside Sakura and keeping an eye on how she reacted to you. 

Her expression showed she was more than ready, and with the wetness you felt surrounding your cock she certainly felt ready, you cursed yourself for taking this long to do this. 

“You okay?” you asked. 

“I’m fine. Fuck me,” she demanded. You were quick to give in to her whims, using your hips as you moved in and out slowly, feeling your shaft being smothered with how wet and tight she felt, not to mention the incredible warmth that flooded everywhere and overwhelmed your senses. 

With your hands grabbing her slim her waist you pumped inside her at a gentle pace, wanting to feel every bit of her tight pussy and every sensation that smothered your cock. 

“Fuck, you’re so big. We never should have waited this long.” 

“We shouldn’t have. You’re so fucking tight, Sakura.” 

“I am, right? Fuck me, you feel so good inside already.” 

Her words and moans were the best encouragement, keeping steady hands on her waist as you upped the pace, thrusting more of you inside as your shaft became wetter. 

“That’s it, fuck me harder,” she demanded. Her hot flesh wrapped so tightly around your shaft as you moved in and out of Sakura, you felt like you were in another world. Her body was so tight and perfect, slim in all the right places with beautiful pale skin everywhere.

With every single thrust, you filled her tight hole up, your cock fitting so perfectly inside her as you stretched her out wide, feeling those slick walls forming around your cock and keeping you inside her where you belonged. 

It wasn’t enough to just fuck Sakura, you needed to experience all of her as you lifted her legs straight up into the air and let her ankles rest on your shoulder, never stopping the motion of your thrusts for a second. 

As you hugged her perfect legs Sakura felt much tighter, letting her satisfaction be known as you gave deeper and harder thrusts, her warm wet flesh feeling so damn good to plunge all of your cock into. It helped that she had gotten even wetter, her slick juices helping out with lubrication to allow smooth penetration as you slid in and out of her. 

“You’re so deep. I love it. Keep stretching me out.” 

You quickened the pace even more to Sakura’s delight, her eyes filled with pleasure and lust as you fucked her hard enough to make the table shake. Thankfully, her frame was small enough that you didn’t think it was a problem, but you decided to move the action elsewhere just in case. 

With a few more deep thrusts you scooped her off the table, withdrawing and carefully pulling her body off and licking her several times before rotating her body so her back was towards you. Nearly ripping her bra open, you yanked it off her body, leaving the two of you fully nude as piles of clothes strayed everywhere both on the floor and the table in front. 

“I rarely see you this aggressive. I like this side of you,” Sakura said, showing a smirk that didn’t last long as you bent her tight petite body over, her palms resting on the grey table. She looked back silently, eyes giving off what she needed. 

“I’m warmed up enough, go all in,” she demanded. 

Such an undeniable request would not go unanswered as you pushed her down even flatter, her back arching as you ran your hands all over her warm smooth skin. You didn’t let her stay empty for long, sliding back inside her with one long stroke to the hilt, allowing her tight walls to squeeze around you as began another rhythm as you began fucking her from behind. 

“Fuck...right there,” she said as you hit her spot with ease, spending little time with build up as you worked back up to your steady pace. With both hands grabbing her hips, she kept her back arched as you began to slam your hips against her ass, flesh jiggling every time you plunged in deep. The room became hotter as your bodies warmed up, sweat misting over the skin of both parties. 

“That’s so good, you fuck me so well.” 

Sakura looked back ever often as you thrusted harshly inside her pussy, letting you know she was enjoying everything you were doing to her. She reached behind her and found one of your wrists, guiding it to her breasts, and you got the message as you cupped and squeezed them both, hips moving wildly and uncontrollably.

The harder you fucked Sakura the wetter she felt, keeping your hands full of her perky tits as you played with her nipples, teasing and bringing out all the sensitivity in them as you kept yourself moving in and out as deep as possible in her.

You wanted to up the ante, not satisfied with such a simple position and grabbed both of Sakura’s slender arms and brought them behind her, pulling her body back up until she was mostly upright. Still keeping the motion going during the change of position, you hooked her arms and brought her body up against your chest as you took away her control.

With her ability to grab anything taken away you went wild, pounding into her tight hole as fast and hard as you could, pistoning into her hot pussy with every bit of energy and force as she screamed in delight. 

Sakura’s cries of pleasure went on and on as you hit all the right spots, your sweaty bodies smacking against each other, as harsh sounds of flesh slapping against flesh filled the room. You were taking all of your stress and tension out on fucking Sakura, and she was more than happy to absorb it all, every thrust powerful and strong and without warning, she came again. 

She drowned your cock in her slick juices, messily leaking everywhere and you tried to keep her upright as her legs turned to jelly as you fucked her through her powerful orgasm, only slowing down your pace when she had ridden it all out. 

Sakura could barely stand, her legs still shaking rendered useless as you helped her over to the table and she braced herself against it.

“You okay?”

She hesitated for a moment before answering. 

“Never been better,” she said in between tired breaths and laid down on the table in a familiar position, flat on her back. 

“As much as I want to ride you I don’t think this table will hold us both.” 

“There’s always the floor,” you teased. 

“Nothing’s sexier than a girl with rug burn,” she said mockingly. 

“Table it is then.”

And just like before she spread herself out, this time her completely nude body ripe for the taking, legs spread wide and arms over her head. 

“Besides, I like seeing your face when you fuck me.”

With smiles exchanged you didn’t waste time, sliding back inside her, her wetness being even more abundant now. 

“You’re drenched. You always get this wet?” 

She nodded her head. “When somebody makes me cum as hard as you did, yes. I get even messier when there’s a bed involved,” she said with a devilish smile. “Now come on, it’s your turn.” 

Trying to process her words, you resumed thrusting full speed, knowing that the finish line was just in reach. Gripping her soft warm thighs, you kept the rhythm up, every thrust deep as possible as Sakura grabbed both sides of the desk, desperate for anything to hold on to. 

Words didn’t mean much for either of you at this point in time, communication only existed in moans and obscenities. You made every thrust count as her perky breasts bounced as best as they could, driving your cock deep inside her pretty pussy and never wanted to leave her wet warmth. 

Sakura let her eyes close temporarily as the pleasure took hold over both of you, letting you savor the use of her body as your hips pistoned like a machine. The wet sound of her tight hole being drilled was the only thing you could focus on, you couldn’t hold on much longer. 

“Sakura…” you gasped out, unable to say much more than her name on your lips. Her eyes opened, sparkling wide. 

“Just cum inside me.” 

She didn’t need to say anything else. Her thighs still in your hands, you pumped yourself inside her for as long as you could without slowing down, both of you eagerly awaiting your climax.

The air in the room became lighter, everything else was a blur as you buried your cock inside Sakura’s pussy. Her gaze striking and anticipating your release, you hit your limits and let go of everything before erupting. Groaning loudly and throbbing inside her, you shot your thick cum deep inside Sakura, filling her up deep with your warmth to the brim, emptying everything you had saved up until her walls were a sticky mess. 

You kept moving inside her until you couldn’t as Sakura milked every drop out of your shaft, resting inside her as your orgasm ran wild over your body. Sakura had watched every second of your explosive climax and loved every moment. 

“It feels so good. Fuck, it’s so thick and warm,” Sakura said with an enthusiastic grin. 

You kept yourself inside her a while longer, not wanting to escape her warmth but also wanted to see the mess you had left inside her. You slowly withdrew your cock an inch at a time, and immediately your creamy load began leaking out of her splayed lips and dripping down her flushed thighs. 

“I should clean that off,” she volunteered. Too tired to respond, you watched as she gingerly moved off the table and knelt, gathering what was left on your depleted shaft, licking clean the combination of both of your fluids and satisfied with it all. 

“How’s that for some tension relief?” Sakura asked, giving an exhausted smile.

“I...really needed that. Thanks.” 

“You did, but no need to thank me. What good of a partner would I be if I didn’t help you out?” 

“Couldn’t ask for a better partner.” 

Sakura scrambled around the room retrieving her clothes and took a seat back on the table. She looked beautiful in the light, her hair out of place, sweat glistening all over her body, you didn’t want the sensual image to be broken.

“Not yet. I like seeing you naked.”

She smiled shyly in response. “Do you now? It was your first time seeing me like this. With any luck, it won’t be the last.” 

“You have more plans for me, Miss Miyawaki?”

“Of course. Not done with you just yet. Might turn this into a weekly thing.” 

“Let’s make it twice a week.” 

“Don’t get greedy on me,” she laughed. “But I could live with that.” 

“Sounds perfect. They have showers upstairs you know.”

“Wanting to go again so soon?” 

“I’m just getting started.” 

“In that case, let’s skip the shower and you can spend the night at my place.” 

“Think you can handle me all night?” you asked teasingly.

“Oh, I think it’s me you’ll have trouble with. You always did run out of stamina before I did,” she fired back playfully. “You can pick up a spare shirt in the morning, there’s a convenience store two blocks from here.” 

“What are we waiting for then?” 

[whatareyousearchingfordean]

Happiness Begins

Part 25

Chapter Summary: The reader finds herself dragged to a charity event by her big brother. What will she do when she finds out what he really has planned for her?

Word Count: 4.6K+

Warnings: Language, angst

Author’s Note: Well, here it is. The final part. I am honestly amazed I even made it here. This story turned into a true monster from its original inception. I know I would have never made it here without all of your guys’ love and support. Your feedback means the world, so keep it up. You never know whose day you might make. I hope this is all you dreamed it would be if not, don’t blame me, I just typed this shit out ha. xo Alex

Catch up with the series masterlist and check out Alexandra’s Library for more works by yours truly!

Jared had insisted that Y/n ride with him and Gen to the fundraiser he had begged that she go to in the first place. He knew her too well, after all. If Y/n didn’t want to go somewhere, she was exceptionally good at getting out of it. But their sharing of a ride to the event left her without a number of excuses. So she bit the bullet and just accepted her fate. After all it was for a good cause, and she was authorized to make a donation on behalf of Et Cetera. 

Y/n followed behind her brother and his wife into the event, the two of them practically skipping, their fingers entwined between them. The sight made her both smile and her stomach turn. 

Out Youth Austin had organized this little shindig at the country club that Jared frequented in town. It was the perfect sunny afternoon for a party. Y/n laughed to herself as she took in the image in front of her. It reminded her too much of the final scene from Step Brothers, well, minus the ocean in the background and the giant ice sculpture of a helicopter. 

The place was bustling, there was a live band playing some song she didn’t recognize, but they had a certain aura about them that was infectious. The charity had also decided on a fully catered Texas style barbeque, complete with lots of alcohol. Y/n mumbled a silent ‘thank you’ to whatever was listening as she spotted the bar. Silently she slipped away from her brother and towards the bar, looking for something cold and fruity to keep her sated. 

Jared noticed her absence almost instantly, taking the opportunity of her departure to initiate his plan. Well technically, her spotting the bar was step one of his plan, which she had fallen for hook line and sinker. Genevieve stood begrudgingly by his side, also in on said plan, no matter how much she truly hated it. The things we do for love...

“She’s going to kill you when she finds out, you know that?” Gen whispered to her husband as he was bent over the sign-in table. 

“I can handle myself. Besides, I’m sure she’ll thank me later.” 

“You have a lot of confidence in that. I hope you are right.” Gen mumbled. Jared made a face at his wife as if to say ‘trust me’. He knew full well how badly this could go, but he also understood how good it could all work out. Things were still tense between himself and his baby sister and at this point he could lose her either way. He at least had to try this. 

Once they had signed themselves and Y/n in, they went to find her with their seating assignment. She was reluctant to go too far from the bar, earning a sour look from Jared. Like a scolded child, she followed him to their table, a small frown on her face. 

Once she knew where she was to eat dinner, she left them again to network. Jared and Gen were quick though to follow her into the crowd. They stuck to her like glue the whole time, unwilling to let her out their sight. After all, she didn’t want to be here in the first place, making her a flight risk in Jared’s eyes. And he couldn’t exactly lose her if he wanted this to work. He also was there to steer her in the right direction. After all he couldn’t risk her seeing something she shouldn’t and ruining everything. 

Y/n, on the other hand, couldn’t understand her family’s odd behavior. Everytime she turned around, there were Jared and Gen. It didn’t matter where she went or who she was talking to, they were always a step behind her, making the young woman uneasy. Y/n chose to brush off their peculiar actions, chalking it up to Jared’s lack of trust in her. 

The dinner was served about an hour after the three of them had arrived at the venue. The food that was served was like nothing she had ever tasted before. It gave a true definition to southern style cooking. Y/n made a mental note to get the caterer’s information from whomever she could pry it from. 

Y/n quirked her head up as the music died down from the stage and the audience was applauding. A spritely woman, who Y/n deemed to only be a few years older than herself, bounced onto the stage, taking the mic from the lead singer, “Desert is about to be served, we hope you all enjoy it as it was made right here in Austin. We have about thirty minutes until the auction starts, so get your wallets out and ready.” The organizer rushed off the stage just as quick as she came to a hoopa from the crowd. Y/n turned back to her brother, her brow scrunched together on her forehead. 

“You didn’t say there would be an auction.” She noted, confusion written on her features. Gen suddenly became very interested in the ice cream now being placed in front of her as Y/n spoke. Y/n picked up on the way the woman averted her eyes, not daring to look up at her sister in law. 

“I didn’t? I could have sworn I did...” Jared’s voice was high as he played her comment off. 

Y/n hummed, annoyance now bubbling up in her chest. “No, you didn’t.” Her tone was firm with her resolution. “Jared, what are they auctioning off?” She had to ask the question even though, based on her family's sudden change in demeanor, she was afraid she didn’t truly want to know the answer. 

“Oh, you know, just the usual.” 

“Jared.” Y/n set her lips in a tight line as she glared at her brother. He was up to something, and she knew it was going to piss her off. 

“They are auctioning off dates with local eligible bachelorettes.” He shrugged as if it was no big deal. A huff of air left her lips as the realization dawned on her. Y/n closed her eyes.

“Please tell me you didn’t…” 

“I did.”

“Jared! You signed me up to be auctioned off like some cattle to a strange old rich guy? I can’t believe you!” Y/n threw her napkin on the table and moved to leave. Jared grabbed her arm, an action that only sent more fire through her veins. She tugged her arm from his grasp. “Don’t.” 

“Y/n.” Jared’s voice was soft as he attempted to not draw more attention to themselves than had already been drawn. “It’s for a good cause. Please? Who knows, maybe this could be exactly what you need.” 

Y/n stared at him, incredulous. His words didn’t make any sense to her. Jared said ‘this could be exactly what she needed’? What does that even mean?

“You can’t back out now, they already have your name. Think about how that would look.” Jared raised his eyebrows at her and she could only clench her jaw. He was right, and that only pissed her off. He was smarter than she cared to admit. 

“I hate you for doing this to me.” Y/n growled as she sat back down in her seat. Jared smiled, the action quickly faltering when he realized she would not be smiling back at him. 

The sun was just beginning to fall towards the horizon as the auction started. Jared explained that Y/n was to stay in her seat until they introduced her, then she would head up on stage. The whole notion of selling dates with women churned at her gut, causing her to leave her desert untouched. 

As much as she hated the idea, she was in this now. There was no way she could go back without making herself and the charity look like fools, and she hated that Jared knew that too. The only saving grace that was helping her hold back the bile in her throat was that she knew it was all for charity. 

She did a quick check of her makeup as woman after woman was sold to the highest bidder. One more girl was sent off to her fate, when the announcer introduced Y/n as the next prize. She made her way to the stage, her head held high and a polite smile on her face. 

“Miss Padalecki is a seasoned and truly talented makeup artist. She studied at E.I. School of Professional Makeup in Hollywood and has worked on multiple television shows, including the one in which her dear older brother, Jared Padalecki, stars; Supernatural. This beautiful woman also owns her own makeup line headquartered right here in Austin; Et Cetera. Shall we start the bidding at one thousand dollars?” Multiple hands went up before she could get the words out, much to Y/n’s surprise. The number jumped to five thousand dollars before she even had a chance to blink. 

“Ten thousand.” A hand in the far corner went up and her eyes immediately snapped towards the voice. Y/n would recognize that voice anywhere and her suspicion was confirmed when she locked eyes with those familiar golden green orbs. Her breath caught in her throat as she finally understood what Jared had been talking about. He had set this all up, reasons for which she didn’t understand. Last she knew, the two of them hadn’t even been on talking terms. What had she missed?

A few more people out bid Jensen, and she wasn’t sure if she was relieved about that or not. Hell, she wasn’t even sure if she should be relieved. But Jensen, the stubborn ass he was, wasn’t letting her go that easily, coming back with a counter offer of a good three grand over the last one. He was dead set on making sure he won this one. 

“Eighteen thousand.” Some guy called from a table in the front, but she didn’t even glance his way. The steady drumming in her chest began to pick up pace, threatening to burst from her chest as she waited with bated breath, her eyes never leaving Jensen. 

“Twenty five thousand.” Y/n scoffed, if he won this thing she was going to punch him for spending this kind of money on her, especially when he could have just called her. It was a stupid, ostentatious gesture, but that being said, she couldn’t deny the butterflies it had awoken in her gut. 

“Do I hear twenty six?” The auctioneer called out. It was quiet. “Going once,” Still silence. “Twice… Sold to paddle 853. Thank you so much for your generous donation.” Y/n let out a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding. A hand found her elbow and began to guide the stunned woman off the stage. 

Her body was shaking as she fought her conflicting emotions. On one hand, she was relieved that she wasn’t stuck with an awkward night with a stranger, but on the hand, she was pissed at Jensen and her brother for setting her up. Jared met her stare across the tables and she glared before stomping off across the golf course to get her some space to think.

Her heels were just hitting the pavement of the far side of the parking lot when she heard someone calling her name behind her. She didn’t want to turn just yet to face the man she knew had chased after her, but she had nowhere else to go. 

“Y/n, wait!” Jensen tried again as the woman spun on her heel to face him, the confusion evident even behind the anger in her eyes. “Listen, I know you’re mad-”

“Damn right I’m mad! You two had no right to do this. If you wanted to talk to me, you could have just picked up the phone. Why go through all this?” She seethed.

“Would you have answered if I called?” He asked her, his head tilting even though he already knew the answer. 

“That’s not the point.” She mumbled. Though honestly, she couldn’t answer him as to whether or not she would have answered. Right now she wanted nothing more than to say no, just to pour salt in his wounds, but she couldn’t do that. 

“It’s exactly the point, Y/n/n.” Jensen’s voice dropped as he made his point. “If it helps, it was all Jared’s idea.” Jensen tried to ease the tension with a small smile and she hated how her body instinctively reacted to it with a smile of its own. She quickly composed her face as soon as she realized her slip. 

“I think that makes you feel better, not me.” She answered honestly. 

“You’re probably right.” Jensen let his shoulders fall as he looked at her. Y/n looked just as stunning as he remembered, if not more so. That fact only had his heart clenching in his chest, the evidence of his mistakes standing in front of him. As he admired her tanned skin where it showed dark in contrast against her yellow dress, the way her hair fell in waves framing all the high points in her face, and even the tension in her jaw as she fought herself to let him see her smile, all the reasons for his past choices seemed irrelevant. This woman standing in front of him had his whole heart. He understood that now. There was no one else that he would ever love more than her. 

“I know I may not be your favorite person right now, but I won’t take back what we did. All I’m asking is that you listen to what I have to say.” 

Y/n chewed on the inside of her lip as she eyed the man in front of her. He looked like he was on the verge of tears, his features pulled down as he pleaded with her. And no matter how much she wanted to tell him to fuck off, she couldn’t. All she could do was nod. 

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow, six o’clock?” Jensen offered.

“Six o’clock.” Y/n confirmed before turning away and leaving him at the edge of the parking lot. 

****

Y/n stared at her open closet, contemplating how she should dress for this. Honestly, she knew full well she was overthinking all of it. It didn’t matter what she wore, but she also knew that it was just her anxiety’s way of diverting from the real problems raging in her head. 

Eventually she just landed on a pair of jeans and a nice blouse. She paired it with her favorite sneakers. In the end, she decided she just wanted to be comfortable. 

Y/n was making sure she had what she needed in her purse when there was a soft knock on her door.

Taking a deep breath, she went to the light wooden door and pulled it open. Jensen had a soft smile on his face as he came into view. He was sporting a pair of dark wash jeans, paired with a soft looking tee. It seemed he went just as casual as she had, topping off his look with a pair of converse. 

“You look beautiful.” He noted as his eyes racked up her figure. Heat flooded her cheeks under his intense gaze.

Y/n cleared her throat, not wanting to dwell on his compliment. “Shall we go?” Jensen stepped back, signalling for her to exit. Y/n locked up behind herself and headed down the stairs outside her door that lead to the parking lot. 

Once they were pulling out of the lot, Y/n could feel his gaze on her from the driver's seat. It made her uncomfortable and hot all at the same time. “Mind paying attention to the road, you aren’t fake driving here.” She turned to him just as he snapped his head back to the road. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel weird.” 

“It’s okay. Truly this whole thing is weird.” Y/n admitted, her voice low. 

“I’m sorry.” Jensen repeated himself. Y/n rolled her eyes at that, it grated on her nerves more than it should have. 

“Jensen, you’ve got to stop saying ‘I’m sorry’. It won’t make a difference.” What she wanted to say was it wouldn’t make a difference because she had already forgiven him. What she wanted to say was he was wasting his breath. But she didn’t, just because she forgave him didn’t mean that everything was rainbows and butterflies. Jensen still owed her an explanation. And besides, it was fun to watch him squirm a little. Her comment had officially shut him up, for now. She could see where his jaw was clenched as he kept his eyes fixed directly ahead. It almost made her feel guilty… almost. 

Jensen pulled off towards McKinney Falls State Park, parking in a secluded spot under a tree. He hopped out of the car without a word. She watched him as he walked around the car and opened her door for her, offering her his hands as she stepped out. With a silent ‘thank you’ he let go of her hand and went to his trunk. Y/n couldn’t help her curiosity, only to have it satiated as he pulled out a small cooler and a rolled up blanket.

“A picnic?” It was hard for her to hide the upturn of her lips. 

“Yeah, last I remember you liked my cooking. And I thought you would feel more comfortable away from my place.” Y/n cast her eyes away from him. It was a sweet gesture, and she had to fight the tears stinging in her eyes. Sometimes she really hated how easily she cried. 

“Lead the way.” Jensen moved past her into the relatively empty park. The whole place was huge, leaving plenty of space for people to spread out. They were walking for she didn’t even know how long, when he finally picked a spot under a large oak tree near the water. Jensen tossed the blanket out for them to take a seat on and placed the cooler in the center. 

“Come on.” He urged her to follow his lead as he sprawled out on the blanket. The grown man looked hilarious as he tried to find a comfortable position. Y/n crossed her legs and sat up straight across from him, waiting intently for him to start unpacking whatever it was that he had. “I didn’t think this through.” He admitted as he continued to shuffle around. 

“Just lean back against the tree.” She gestured to him and took it upon herself to pull items from his cooler. She started with the two bottles of sweet tea, then a tupperware container filled with what looked like coleslaw, followed by two bags of chips and some sandwiches. Y/n handed off Jensen his share then grabbed the forks and moved to sit next to him, her back resting against the tree. She set the container of coleslaw between them and handed Jensen a fork before turning her attention to the sandwich. Y/n took a bite, her taste buds exploding with flavor with one bite. 

“Holy,” She mumbled around a mouthful of food. 

“Yeah?” Y/n nodded, she could never deny his cooking abilities, especially considering this was one of the best sandwiches she’s ever had. How the hell does he do that? “You should try the coleslaw, it’s grandma Ackles’ secret recipe.” 

Y/n covered her mouth as she swallowed her bite. “Okay.” she agreed. Jensen filled the fork with the dish and held it out for her to eat. Her mouth closed around the utensil, her lips pulling all of the tangy salad into her mouth. Jensen had to bite back his groan as he watched her movement, followed by her eyes rolling up in her head. After all this time, she still had that effect on him, and he knew she always would. 

“Good?” The tip of Jensen’s tongue was peaking out of the corner of his mouth as he waited.

“That’s amazing, like really amazing. What does she put in that?” Y/n hummed.

“Sorry, I promised her I would take her secret to the grave.” 

“Your grandma Ackles was a very mean woman.” Jensen laughed as a pout formed on Y/n’s features. He had to avert his attention elsewhere. Y/n could have gotten him to do anything she wanted with that pout. It was unfair, really. 

“She actually kind of was.” Jensen mused, remembering the strict yet loving woman. 

The two of them continued their picnic in relative silence. Everything Jensen had put together was beyond delicious. It amazed Y/n how he could make something so simple taste so delicious. But she never doubted the man, after all he was annoyingly good at everything. 

Once the food began to dry up, they both knew that they were just postponing the inevitable. For once, Y/n found the courage to just bite the bullet. “Well, you have me here. I’m listening.” 

“Okay...” Jensen sucked in a breath as he brushed the chip crumbs from his fingers. “Gotta be honest, I’m not exactly sure where to start. I’ve gone over what I would say in this moment since you left Vancouver, but nothing ever quite came out right.” His hands rubbed up and down his jean clad thighs, one of the other nervous habits that Y/n had quickly picked up on from him. He cast his glance down for a moment, before looking back at her. Her eyebrows were perked up on her forehead as she waited in silence. 

“Jared and I have talked. We’ve actually been talking for a couple weeks.”

“I’m glad.” And she was glad for the both of them. They were important to each other and they deserved to be in each other’s lives. As much as she hated how much their mistakes broke her relationship with her brother, she also hated what it did to Jensen and Jared’s relationship.

“He actually came to me and we hashed out our differences. I mean we aren’t where we used to be but I think with time we will get there. He told me you guys are talking again too.” 

“Yeah, well it’s debatable how long it will last this time.” Y/n grumbled. She was still pissed at him for lying to her and she felt like being dramatic about it for a while. 

“Y/n/n, we messed up, I messed up. We went about this all the wrong way. But I don’t take back leaving you, because it did give you a chance to make up with your brother, and that’s all I ever wanted, your happiness.” Jensen admitted. 

Y/n pursed her lips, pushing down the fight building in her chest. “So why are we here then?” 

“Because you’re not happy Y/n.”

“And you know that how?” She pushed back. 

“Jared told me you are thinking about selling Et Cetera.” 

“So that means I’m unhappy?” 

“Yeah, it does. I know you better thank you want to believe. Selling the most cherished thing to you and moving across the country away from everyone and everything that you love is not like you. The woman I fell in love with fights for what she believes in, for what she wants. And I can’t let you go without telling you it’s a mistake.” 

“All of this is just you telling me what is best for me again. I don’t see how it’s any different than the last fight we had.”

“It’s different because you know it too. You’re running, and don’t try to lie to me. I know this is about me.”

“So what if it is? I reserve the right to make my own life decisions.”

“You’re absolutely right, you do. But I can’t let you do that without knowing all the facts. Y/n, I love you, and selfishly I don’t want you to go. Walking out that door in Vancouver left this emptiness in my chest that’s suffocating me. Everyday I wake up wondering how you are doing, and if you are okay. You’re the first person I wanted to call when my manager set up this big audition for me, and you were the first person I wanted to call when I didn’t get the part.” Jensen let out a huff, composing himself before continuing. “I just couldn’t let you go without knowing that.”

Y/n was at a loss for words, for the first time in a long time. That was quite the admission, and what was one to say to that? “What about Danneel?” It was the only thing she could come up with in the moment, her words startling even her.  

Jensen smiled. “I was hurting and needed a friend to talk to. I was looking for advice on how to get myself out of this funk. Danneel knows me just as good as anyone.”

“What did she tell you to do?” 

“She said that if I love you, and you love me then we would find our way back to each other, even if I had to go and get you.”

“So this is you just coming to get me then.” Y/m mused to herself, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. “What if I don’t love you?” 

“Then I’ll walk away, and you can go to New York and be a big successful business woman that lives out all her dreams. But only if that’s what you truly want.” He paused and shifted himself towards her more. “Is that what you want?” 

Y/n swallowed, the motion getting stuck in her throat. “No, I want you. It’s always been you.”

“Then please don’t do this. Stay here and build your business big enough to scare that other company into bankruptcy.” Jensen pleaded with her. Y/n shook her head, chuckling. She knew it would come to this at some point. 

“Jay, I already turned them down. You are right, I couldn’t leave my family behind, and I couldn’t leave you.” 

“How long were you going to listen to me rant for?” His voice rose an octave, his thousand watt smile returning to his face.

“You were on a roll,” she shrugged. “Besides, you said all I had to do was listen.” Y/n failed miserably to hide the smile on her face. Jensen shoved at her shoulder, sending both of them into a fit of laughter. 

As he got back his senses, a warm smile spread across Jensen’s face. There was one last thing they needed to clear up. “Listen, I know we still have some things to work on, but I want to work on them. You and me. What do you say?” 

“You had me at ‘you look beautiful’.” Y/n licked her lips, an action not unnoticed by the man next to her. Jensen shook his head, fighting back his own smartass comment. “Seriously though, best idea I’ve heard all day.” 

Jensen chuckled as he leaned himself towards Y/n. “I’d really like to kiss you now, if that’s okay.” 

Y/n reached her hand out, cupping his jaw as she ran her thumb over the stubble on his face. “You are such a sap sometimes.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“And an idiot.” She finished with a roll of her eyes, all the while smiling like an idiot herself, before leaning into him and bringing his lips to her own. At that moment, it didn’t matter what had happened in the past. It didn’t even matter what was going to happen in the future. All that mattered was that he loved her and she loved him. And all the rest, well, it would fall into place, one way or another.

Epilogue

Forevers: @spn-impala @22sarah08 @turtlepad @callmekda @chaldei @hobby27 @cowboysnwinchesters @tranquility-or-chaos @pikabootoyouchu @dawnie1988 @grease222 @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @polina-93 @clarinette07 @moonlight-babeh @suckerforfanfic @witandnargles @sleepylunarwolf @stiles-stilinski-24-dylan @geeksareunique @akshi8278 @superfanficnatural @malfoysqueen14 @deanwanddamons @waywardbeanie @emoryhemsworth​ @talesmaniac89​ @waywardbeanie​

Et Cetera: @jbbarnesgirl​ @hillface89​ @arses21434​ @thevelvetseries​ @sslater34​ @mrsirishboru​ @smoothdogsgirl​ @spnfamily-j2​ @encounterthepast​ @facadeformyrealblog  @supernatural-bellawinchester​ @screechingartisancashbailiff​ @rebeccathefangirl​ @squirrelnotsam​ @heartinmyhead1​ @1d-killed-me​ @samsgirl93​ @deans-baby-momma​ @deanmonandnegansbitch​ @woodworthti666​ @supraveng​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @heartsaved​ @know2grow​ @littlewhiterose​ @surprisinglysarah​ @stoneyggirl​ @carryon-doctor-lock​ @thebookisbtr​ @youaremyfiveever​ @kalesrebellion​ @lilulo-12​ @winchester-fantasies​ @vicmc624​ @supernatural3002​ @winchester-writes​ @maralisa124​ @therollingstoners​ @parinarain​ @kaz11283​ @charmed-asylum​

[arigatouiris]

it’s not pathetic // kageyama tobio x reader

Author’s Note: Your comments on my previous story led me to write this. You can’t imagine how happy comments make me, honestly. It’s people telling me that I’m valid and my writing is valid especially when I can’t believe it myself. Thank you so, so much. And for @mitzwinchester​​ who wanted to be tagged in anything Haikyuu that I write! Thank you all so much and I hope you like this~

Word count: 4200

Pairing: Kageyama Tobio x Oikawa! Reader

Warnings: angst to fluff, unrequited love, slow burn

Having a crush is such a strange phenomenon. 

Sometimes, people did odd things because it all began with a crush. There were people who built fantastic tombs for the ones they loved, tombs now remarked as some of the wonders of the world. There were those who would kill for the ones they loved because love meant sacrifice and some bravely embraced it if it meant seeing their loved ones happy.

Despite a great many things that told you that you shouldn’t and must definitely not fall in love with Kageyama Tobio, you went ahead and fell head over heels for him during your middle school years. 

Your brother hated him, your friends despised him—especially since they were all in the Volleyball team with him, and you were there when your friends stood up against Kageyama and had him benched.

You, Oikawa (y/n), were not supposed to fall for Kageyama Tobio.

But, now that you had and it meant parting ways in high school because your darling brother was a great third year at Aobajosei. Hajime-nii even told you to not think twice. You weren’t an athlete like them, you were more inclined toward academics because that’s what you were good at. 

And even though sometimes you adored Iwaizumi-nii more than your idiot show-off of a brother, you did the grandest of all idiot things and followed your heart to Karasuno.

This was perhaps where your idiocy started to punish you. 

You couldn’t really name a reason why you declared going to Karasuno. Sure, Kageyama was the main reason—which sounded stupid to even you, but it wasn’t as if you were regretting it. You told your parents you didn’t want to be dubbed ‘Oikawa’s sister’ again, which was what had happened throughout your middle school years; your parents were supportive of your desire for independence, but little did they know, you were actually doing this to be closer to a boy you rarely ever spoke to. 

Kageyama often times avoided you because you were Toru’s little sister and you desperately wanted to change that. It wasn’t as if Toru was overprotective, sometimes, he barely noticed you around (which was definitely a good thing), but it was Kageyama we were talking about here and there was no way in hell Oikawa would let that dark haired tsundere anywhere near you.

You had been seated next to Kageyama in your second year of middle school. For an entire semester, the two of you shared little conversations, you’d make fun of some of the teachers, catch him drifting off to sleep during boring lectures, you’d help him with English and it had even gotten to a point where he’d personally ask you to help him out with something—you adored every little exchange with this awkward boy, and you enjoyed breaking down his walls, each made sense to you, each and every interaction had you falling deeper and deeper into this pit you had dug for yourself because Kageyama wasn’t even trying to be cool.

But all semesters come to an end and so did that beautiful, glorious one. Kageyama was seated at the far end and you were placed beside Kunimi and Kindaichi, your good friends. Kunimi knew of the affections you shared for the dark haired setter but in no way could see why someone like you could even like someone like Kageyama. 

You didn’t know either, really. Perhaps, it was his dedication. Maybe, it was the way he attacked what he wanted and made sure it stuck to him. In many ways, it was also his talent and how he didn’t stick to just leaving it to his talent. He honed his skills like a diamond sculptor, modelling the rock in a way that was fit only for the hardest rock in the world. Kageyama was relentless and it was this relentlessness embodied in an awkward and down-to-earth body did you fall for.

But, the thing about unrequited love was simple. There was a hidden joy to it because you didn’t know how it ended. Your mind could play countless scenarios on how it could end but none of those scenarios were real. It was like the time before the exam result, on an exam you knew you did badly, but the result hadn’t arrived yet so you were safe.

     “Oikawa.” 

Your heart picked up pace as your eyes widened at the familiar voice. You turned to your left and spotted Kageyama and his classmate, Hinata, staring at you. You were by the vending machine, buying a soda.

     “Kageyama.” You replied, before Hinata threw a fit.

     “O-OIKAWA? You mean.... t-the g-grand king—”

     “If you mean my dumbass of a brother, then yes.” You folded your arms with a lazy grin, causing Kageyama to grin back. He always adored your spunk, especially when it came to your brother. 

     “We were in the same middle school.” Kageyama said, almost introducing you to him.

Your heart could break right now at how happy you seemed. Kageyama was noticing you, and this strange event was making you dizzy. Hinata nodded before tilting his head.

     “But...” Ah, here comes the question. “Why are you in Karasuno and not in Aobajosei?”

You pursed your lips before your eyes shifted to the dark haired setter. He looked confident for a second before his eyes narrowed, turning to you for an answer. You knew he didn’t know why either, you knew Kageyama had no idea that you followed him to Karasuno. What an idiotic thing to do. There was no way he’d be impressed by something so idiotic.

     “I didn’t want to be labelled after Toru-nii. It got annoying in middle school.” You said, rubbing the back of your neck.

If this excuse worked with your parents, it’d work with anyone. Hinata’s eyes widened and you could see some weird admiration settle in Kageyama’s blue orbs, but your heart fell to the ground. 

     “How’s practice?” You asked Kageyama, who merely nodded.

     “It was nice seeing you again.” 

A goodbye. Masked in a greeting. You were seriously doomed. You bit your lower lip before nodding and making way for both of them to walk past you to the vending machine. This interaction lasted several seconds. You were only hoping when the next few seconds of your interaction with Kageyama would come.

*

     “Oikawa-chan, please go out with me!” You sighed.

Gulping once, you tried to subdue the growing nausea at the back of your throat before breathing heavily a few times and rejecting the boy in front of you. You hated doing this. He was from Kageyama’s class, and it was perhaps the fourth boy who had asked you out this semester. You secretly hoped it was Kageyama who called you out next time, but you knew deep in your heart that if any confessing was going to happen then it had to be from you.

And that left you so confused. Confused because you didn’t know if you had to confess or if confessing could lead to anywhere. While your heart hoped for Kageyama to give you a chance, you knew how things worked in his mind. He didn’t have time for relationships or crushes, he was focused on one thing and one thing only—volleyball, and you’d be damned if you even tried to take his mind off of what he loved.

You were confused half the time, and it left you tired. It was confusing because you were trying to convince your heart and spirit of something your mind knows is a lie. 

However, the boy you turned down entered his class and his friends exclaimed out loud, catching Hinata’s attention.

     “She turned you down, huh?”

     “Damn, that Oikawa sure is hard to get.”

Hinata blinked a couple of times before turning to Kageyama and violently grabbing the boy’s attention. Kageyama scowled at him before blinking and overhearing the words himself.

     “One of these days, Oikawa’s gonna wish she said yes to me.”

Kageyama didn’t know what to do with this information. He turned to Hinata, whose eyes were glowing bright.

     “Why don’t you go ask her if she’s okay? I’m sure this must be hard for her!”

     “Why will it be hard? She’s the one who said no.”

Hinata grumbled before rubbing his hands all over his head. Kageyama is definitely the sort of guy who’d without a second thought decline a chance to speak to a cute girl. If it was Hinata, no one would even had to tell him to do something like this—

     “Fine,” Kageyama stood up, thinking of going to the vending machine on the way, “I’ll go speak to her.”

Hinata didn’t know why he suddenly felt excited for Kageyama, despite knowing that the dark haired setter wouldn’t really know how to execute this said conversation. He nodded as Kageyama headed out of the classroom in search of you, wondering what could happen. Kageyama spotted you, beside the vending machine, sitting on the bench, drinking a soda. A soft smile fell on his lips when he saw you where exactly where he was headed, meaning he didn’t have to take any unnecessary detours.

He’d always liked you, more than your brother. Of course, he respected your brother for the amazing player that he was, but personality wise, he was certain that he preferred having you around. He remembered how kind you were and how funny you were—especially when making fun of the English teacher together back in that one semester you were seated beside him. You even helped him with his homework, which he was grateful for. His pace slowed when he thought of how your eyes would light up whenever he’d enter class, and to what lengths you’d sometimes go to just greet him. And now... 

...now, you were in Karasuno, despite your brother being somewhere else.

     “Oikawa,” Kageyama addressed you, shocking you out of your stupor. You weren’t expecting to see him right then, “Are you okay?”

Kageyama wasn’t sure if the thoughts swirling in his head made any sense, but unlike what several people berated him as, he was not blind or oblivious to something so blatantly obvious. You were looking up at him with surprise, red dusted across your cheeks at the mere sight of him. His stomach was turning inside and out, but he somehow, anyhow, had to get this out of you.

     “I’m fine, why?”

     “Some idiot from my class was complaining about how you’d turned him down.”

You scoffed before looking away, “He’s an idiot, all right.”

Kageyama was quiet. He wasn’t oblivious, but he was terrible at conversation. The boy only had a few skills.

     “Why did you come to Karasuno, Oikawa?”

He noticed how you paused. Funny, he thought, he’d never paid this much attention to you before. It surprised him because he’d always seen you, he’d always notice if you were in the room but he never once thought he’d ever actually paid attention to you. If he had, then it would have all made sense a long, long time ago. 

A long, long time ago... 

Kageyama’s eyes widened just as his heart constricted. 

     “You don’t really want to know, Kageyama.”

He did. He did want to know. No, actually, he knew it—he just wanted to confirm it.

     “Don’t I get a say in this?”

You frowned at your feet before looking up at him. So, this is it, you thought before sighing.

     “I came here for you, Kageyama. I came here because... Because I’m in love with you. I always have been.”

There was an ocean of silence between you and Kageyama just then and you felt yourself drown. You gulped before getting up, tears welling up in your eyes at your lack of an answer. 

     “I don’t need you to tell me how pathetic that is,” Kageyama’s eyes widened at your words, “I don’t need you to tell me that you don’t have time for anything like this. I planned on never telling you, really. I planned on keeping this to myself but turns out you’re really not that much of a dunce like my brother keeps saying.”

Kageyama desperately wanted you to meet his gaze, but you weren’t looking at him. 

     “(y/n)—”

     “I won’t bother you, don’t worry. I’ll stay out of your way.”

It was the last time he’d see you that semester.

*

When Toru saw you rush into your room that evening, he knew instantly that something was wrong. But, whenever you were in a mood, it was best when he didn’t approach you because you’d snap at him for saying the wrong thing and feel worse. You didn’t realize it when you did it, but it was rather easy for you to displace your anger at your brother from whatever it was that initially pissed you off.

However, Toru wasn’t alone right then. Iwaizumi was also there, but unlike Toru, Hajime had noticed you were crying. He turned to his best friend and sighed at how hesitant Oikawa was in approaching his own little sister.

     “You’re an idiot of a brother,” Hajime said, before sighing and walking over to your room. 

     “Go away, Toru-nii, I don’t want to—”

     “It’s me, Hajime.” 

When his response was followed by silence, he knew you’d open the door. Hajime stood still for a few minutes before noticing Oikawa peek from a distance. Toru burned with jealousy that his sister chose Iwaizumi rather than himself but a part of his heart burned with joy at how his best friend and sister were getting along. 

When the door opened, Hajime let himself inside and closed the door behind him, knowing full well that Toru would eavesdrop with no shame. He noticed you sitting on the chair beside your study table, wiping your tears away vigorously. Hajime chuckled before sitting down on your bed, watching you with an amused expression. He knew only one thing can make a girl cry the way you were at the moment. He didn’t like it, but it’s natural.

     “Who’s the guy?”

     “Why aren’t you in practice?”

     “It’s Monday. Now, who’s the guy?” 

You chuckled at how amused Iwaizumi sounded at the question. 

     “Kageyama.”

Hajime’s eyes widened a bit but more so because he only wondered how Oikawa would not react to hearing this. His sister and Kageyama? This is a tale set in stone! Hajime wanted to desperately burst out laughing at Toru’s fate, but there you were, sitting down with a bitter smile on your face. Hajime’s heart broke at the mere sight.

     “Did he... Did he hurt you—”

     “He turned me down, haha.”

Now, Iwaizumi was confused. Turned you down? Was Kageyama blind? You were everything that Toru wasn’t. You had Toru’s passion but for studies and literature, and you were kind and gentle where Toru wasn’t. You were funny, smart and adventurous, and not to mention, really, really pretty. Hajime didn’t need to be into you to know that you were a catch, though, admitting this to himself felt strange. 

     “(y/n), Tobio’s an idiot.”

     “That he sure is. But, I went to Karasuno for him so who’s the bigger idiot?”

Hajime couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

     “(y/n), you’re barely 15 years old. To make such decisions over a boy, I’d say that this love that you feel for that idiot isn’t even real.” Iwaizumi was always a rational person, but he tried his best to be kind when he called you out on this.

You chuckled bitterly.

     “Hajime-nii,” He loved it when you called him that, “It has to be real.”

     “What?”

     “It has to be real. What I feel for Kageyama. Because, if you could love someone, and keep loving them, without being loved back . . . then that love had to be real. It hurts too much to be anything else.” Your voice broke in the end, and Hajime stood up to ruffle your hair. 

The door opened and there was Toru. Hajime half expected the boy to make a scene—his sister loving his greatest enemy, but Toru’s eyes were ridden with a sorrow he had never seen on him before. The brown haired setter walked toward his sister, nodding at his best friend who merely smiled before leaving the room. Toru easily picked you up before cradling you in his grip, firmly placing you on the bed before sitting beside you. You could smell your brother’s sweet-smelling shampoo (which he had stolen from you, you were sure), and you cried harder at how kind he was being.

Toru’s rough hands brushed your hair out of your face and he just sat there, in silence. As much as your brother annoyed the heck out of you, you would never change him for anyone else.

     “Toru-nii...” 

Toru sighed. What could he say?

     “It’ll get easier.” He said, speaking with experience. 

He wasn’t mad that his sister liked a guy he knows she was too good for, but there was nothing on this planet that Toru loved more than you. Volleyball? Yes, sure. But you would never, ever let him pick one over the other. You were his blood. And seeing you cry devastated him.

     “Do you want me to talk to Tobio-chan? I’ll make him pay—”

     “NO!”

*

After Karasuno’s defeat to Aobajosei around the end of that semester, Kageyama noticed the angry glares Oikawa and Iwaizumi were both giving him after the match. It was something even the rest of the team noticed, but didn’t want to comment on. However, Hinata wasn’t as thoughtful.

     “Why does the Grand King and that other scary dude staring at you like you killed someone?” Hinata’s eyes widened, “(y/n)-chan!” He whispered.

Tobio frowned harder. Of course Oikawa knew. You were his sister. You must have told him and Iwaizumi and they were here to beat him up. But, you didn’t seem the type to do something so silly. But, then why were they staring at him like that?

     “Tobio-chan~” 

Kageyama froze when he noticed Iwaizumi and Oikawa approach him and Hinata when they were about to leave.

     “Oikawa-senpai,” Kageyama turned to Hajime, “Iwaizumi-senpai.”

Hajime sighed, grabbing Oikawa’s collar from the back.

     “Good game, kid.” 

Oikawa definitely looked like he wanted to say something more, but Kageyama was confused. His heart was racing. Didn’t you send them to threaten him? Didn’t you tell them that he had broken your heart?

When the realization dawned on him, his own heart broke.

     “Senpai,” Kageyama said, eyes widening, “(y/n)-san...” Oikawa blinked, “I haven’t seen her since... For a while.”

Hinata blinked at the setter’s sudden confession.

     “We seemed to have a misunderstanding. I need to speak to her, can you... Can you—”

     “If you want me to pass a message to my sister, then...” Oikawa made an ugly scowl, “Go tell her yourself, idiot!”

Kageyama could not believe that you were related to him.

Ever since you had confessed to him, ever since you had told him that you chose Karasuno for him, Kageyama’s been thrown for a toss. A part of him still felt like he was in midair, and only you could catch him. It was a strange thing, but he didn’t think he’d feel the need to see you so strongly. It was as if your confession had awoken his own feelings for you, and if this was a thing he wasn’t sure. He’d never been inclined toward anyone romantically, but then you came along, laughing and joking around—teaching him English and eyes glistening whenever he passed you by. The quiet waves, the way you stuck your tongue out when someone teased you, the way you’d stand up for yourself—gosh, you were honestly something else. He felt your absence like death—it was like missing teeth, you wouldn’t need a mirror to know that they were gone.

So, he was going to make the effort for you. It was going to be nothing compared to the effort you had made for him, but he was going to try. Because what was love if it wasn’t idiotic?

     “Hinata,” The first time Kageyama addressed him without an insult, “I need (y/n)’s number.”

Hinata’s eyes twinkled. 

     “I don’t have it, though!”

     “Idiot.”

Hinata growled, “Yamaguchi might! She’s in the same class!”

Kageyama turned toward his team approaching them, spotted Yamaguchi and Tsukishima at a distance and his scowl reappeared. He let out a sigh. He was going to do this. He was going to do this for you.

     “Yamaguchi,” Kageyama was fine till here. “I...” 

Yamaguchi blinked, while Tsukishima wondered what the fuck was going on. Turning to Hinata, who adorned a bright look in his eye, it looked like Kageyama was going to confess to Yamaguchi. Tsukishima could die laughing right then and there.

     “Ka...Kageyama, do you... do you need something?”

     “Oikawa (y/n),” Tsukishima blinked. “I need her number. She’s in your class. Do you—”

     “Oh,” Tsukishima couldn’t hold back, “Does the King have a crush on someone?”

Kageyama was quiet. Yamaguchi didn’t think what Tsukishima was doing was necessary, but it was funny to see Kageyama get flustered over a girl.

     “Sorry, I don’t have her number. But I think—”

     “I do.” Tsukishima said, and Kageyama’s world turned upside down.

     “Tsukishima,” His name slipped out of Kageyama’s mouth like bloody murder. “I need her—”

     “I heard you, I heard you. But, what can I get out of this?” Tsukishima mocked, “Can I hear you say something embarrassing? That you love her?”

Kageyama stared directly into Tsukishima’s eyes. 

     “I’ll gladly tell her I love her over the phone if you want to, but I think it’s better if I tell her in person.”

Yamaguchi, Tsukishima and Hinata were now thrown for a toss. The blond knew right then that there was no point teasing Kageyama now. His feelings for you were something he clearly wasn’t ashamed of.

     “Why do you have her number in the first place?”

     “She’s class rep. We exchange notes from time to time.”

Of course, Tsukishima was smart too. That made complete sense. Once Kageyama got your number, it took him less than three seconds to make the call.

*

     “Hello?”

     “(y/n)?”

You were not used to hearing Kageyama calling you by your first name, but for some reason, you couldn’t stop picturing it now that he had.

     “K-Kageyama? How do you—”

     “I need to talk to you.”

     “Don’t you have a game? With... With my brother’s team! What happened? Did you—”

     “We lost.”

Your heart fell, but strangely, you didn’t feel too bad. “Kageyama, I’m so sorry—”

     “(y/n),” He couldn’t believe how calm he felt right then, “I’m sorry.”

In an hour, you agreed to meet him outside your house. Oikawa and Hajime were no where around, and you hoped they wouldn’t barge in on whatever this conversation was going to be about. You stepped outside the gate and spotted Tobio in the distance. He was still wearing his sweats and jacket, and your heart skipped a beat.

     “Kageyama!”

Tobio noticed you and his face heated up. It was the first time he was seeing you without your uniform. He approached you and instantly bowed, as if to apologize.

But, what came out of his mouth was,

     “I love you, (y/n)! I think I’ve always had feelings for you, but I didn’t realize until you told me!”

Your eyes widened at his words, you almost couldn’t believe it. And why the heck was be bowing?

     “Stop bowing!” 

When Kageyama stood in front of you, you realized how tall he was. It was abnormal, but you were Toru Oikawa’s sister.

     “Why did you... Why did you turn me down then?”

Kageyama blinked, “I didn’t. You ran off before I said anything.”

You couldn’t believe what was happening. A hand went to your cheek and you pinched as hard as you could, but a second later, Tobio’s hand rushed to yours and pulled it down.

     “It’s not a dream...” His voice was soft, you never heard him whisper before.

While his hand was still in yours, you felt tears rush to your eyes. He stepped one step closer to you before smelling your hair. It reminded him of something but he couldn’t quite place his finger as to where it was from.

     “It’s not pathetic,” He said, confusing you. You look up at his soft smile and how his eyes were fixed to your form, “You coming to Karasuno for me.”

You blushed when he made it sound like that.

     “I’m so thankful that you did. It would have been tragic if I figured out I loved you and you were not near me.”

     “Well, that’s how it was for me.” You said, pouting.

Kageyama nodded.

     “I want to make up for all that time.”

Without another thought, you embraced him, his fingers still entwined in yours, as Kageyama slowly let go, only to wind his hands around your form. 

     “I love you.” He whispered again.

     “What was that? I didn’t hear you.”

     “Don’t push me.” 

     “I love you, too,” you say this time. “So much.”

A second later, Tobio finally understood where he smelled your hair from.

     “You smell like your brother.”

     “Why do you know what my brother smells like, Kageyama?”

[omo-time]

KAZUHA OMO I gave into the brainrot.

Liberties taken:

There’s a rope net thing that u can climb to get to the crows nest, no way does a normal person just climb the sail…

The sun had begun to set from the sky, casting a pretty reflection onto the sea where the Alcor had been sailing. The atmosphere was cheery, everyone was drinking together to celebrate a successful werk on the waters. Kazuha didn’t understand the full appeal of drinking beer, but it was fun to bond with everyone over it, so he drank it anyway.

After everyone had finished their drinks they sat around together and had a nice long chat, sharing some old stories that Kazuha had never heard before. Laughter was so loud and shameless he almost wondered if they could be heard from the shore somewhere. Coming along with the crew on their journeys may have been one of his better ideas after all.

Once everyone was tired enough, they all headed back to their quarters. Kazuha was especially slow in heading back, being a bit tipsy from drinking as much as he did. At least he wasn’t full on drunk. However, when he did get into his sleeping area, he got ready for bed, got himself comfortable and almost immediately passed out. It had been a tiring week, who could blame him?

His bladder sure could. He woke up early in the morning to a cool breeze throughout the air, as he stretched he felt pressure below. Of course he had to pee. He remembered the drinking from yesterday and how those drinks undoubtedly went through his system as he was asleep. Luckily it was early, so maybe he could relieve himself with nobody else being awake?

He pushed himself up and out of the area, slowly making his way to the deck to see if anyone was there, careful to not wake anyone else up as he basically tiptoed. This really wasn’t helping his situation, as relief sooner was more ideal. As he reached the door he froze, hearing someone stir away from where he was. When he was sure they were still again he breathed a sigh of relief and slowly opened the door to the deck.

He was met with the sight of the sailor Furong, much to his dismay. Why was anyone out so early? There shouldn’t be anyone else awake this hour, he was supposed to be the only one. This was supposed to be his chance to slip away from everyone and relieve himself without the worry of being seen, but that was pretty much out the window now.

“Good morning Ms. Furong!” Kazuha greeted the woman, putting on a bit of a smile.

“Oh, Kazuha? What are you doing up so early?” She asked, a bit surprised to see him on the deck instead of in his sleeping area where it was common to stay if woken up early.

Kazuha hesitated for a moment, trying to think of an excuse as fast as he could. As much as he wanted to admit the real reason he had emerged, he could never bring himself to.

“I, um… I just woke up early and wanted to get some fresh air, that’s all. And the morning sky is really pretty.” He replied, fidgeting a little. “How about you?”

“Oh, well I’m supposed to stay out here and watch over things on the deck during the night. I thought you knew this?” Furong questioned, crossing her arms to show further confusion.

“Ah, right, I did forget about that. I’m sorry!” He apologized, surprised that he forgot people have to watch over the boat late into the night and early in the morning.

“It’s not a big deal. Do you need something?” The sailor asked. ‘Did he need something’ he needed the bathroom, that’s for sure. As much as he wanted to say it, the words could never leave his mouth. Not audibly, at least. It was just a problem he had, and there was little he could do about it.

“I- um… I need.. to… help you..?” Kazuha tried admitting his need, but almost unconsciously switching up at the last second. ‘Damn! Why can’t I just say it?’ he cringed to himself after hearing what he just said. This was going to make things a lot worse.

Furong seemed surprised at his hesitant statement. “Well, if you insist then… could you go up to the crows nest and scout for me? Liushi is pretty incompetent and lacks communication, so if you could go up and relieve him, then stay up there, that would be great.” She almost commanded casually.

Kazuha’s bladder gave an impatient pang as Furong mentioned any kind of relieving.

He nods, climbing the net up to the crows nest. It wasn’t a particularly stable net, so he wobbled a lot on his way up. This really didn’t make things easier for his poor bladder. As he got up he held onto the edge of the wood and looked up to see Liushi asleep in there. Taking a hand off the edge to give him a nudge, Kazuha awoke the man to have him go to bed properly.

“Mr. Liushi? Ms. Furong asked that I take your spot up here, you should go to bed in the quarters.” Kazuha half whispered, not wanting to be too loud in the sleepy man’s ears.

“Huh? Oh… okay…” he responded, standing up and stretching before climbing out onto the net. He waited for Kazuha to get into the crows nest before climbing all the way down to keep things stable.

“Goodnight!” The ronin waved down at the man before sitting down in the crows nest.

Great, how was he supposed to find a way to use the bathroom from up here? He sure couldn’t just pee over the side and he most certainly couldn’t go in any corner, there were none. He was essentially stuck like this until someone else came up to relieve him in more ways than one.

As time passed, Kazuha found himself getting more desperate. Getting up to look around the sea and leaning over the wood to signal down to Furong about the conditions was pretty taxing on his muscles. When he had time to sit down he had begun to bounce and wriggle around, and when he was standing his legs would shake and squeeze together a bit. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to last if nobody was going to come and let him come down.

The sound of the waves crashing against the side of the boat was torture to Kazuha. It wasn’t exactly an uncommon sound considering they were out at sea, but it only bothered him like this when he had to pee. It just reminded him of how badly he needed to go. He was thankful that the ship wasn’t rotating too much, or he’d be terribly seasick on top of desperate.

He wanted so badly to tell Furong that he needed a replacement, that he needed to get down and find a chance to relieve himself. No matter how hard he psyched himself up, leaned over the side to try and yell down, or send some kind of signal, he could never follow through. He was in an agonizing waiting game that his body and mind were making him play.

As Kazuha kept pacing around the crows nest, praying to the archons that someone would take his place, bouncing and wriggling and shifting his weight, the whole piece of wood had begun to wobble and shake under his movements. Furong took notice of this almost as soon as it started happening.

“Kazuha! What are you doing up there?!” She shouted at the top of her lungs, used to yelling at Liushi who could never hear her over the wind.

The smaller man practically jumped, startled by this sudden yelling. Everyone who had been coming out of the sleeping quarters since he had first gotten up there had turned their attention to Furong and him.

At being startled like this Kazuha felt a warmth begin to escape, and he tensed up his whole lower body in a great attempt to regain his control.

“I- nothing! S-Sorry!” He called out with a stutter, desperately squeezing his legs together to cut off his leak. It did work and the leak was nothing more, but there was already damage on the front of his pants that wasn’t easy to hide.

‘This is bad. I don’t think I can last much longer…’ he thought to himself, trying his best to not shake the crows nest again as it would bring more attention onto him. All he could do was more subtle movements and some half leg crossing. His eyes caught on to Beidou, the captain, emerging from her own quarters for the morning. Everyone was awake now.

A few minutes after his initial leak, a sudden big wave had caused the boat to jostle quite a bit. Since Kazuha wasn’t holding onto anything, he stumbled backward a bit until he hit the wooden rail of the crows nest. This caused another leak to dampen his pants further, he gave a bit of a gasp and he squeezed his legs together tightly yet again. It was a shorter leak this time, but all it did was push Kazuha to his complete limit.

His body needed relief right now. Panic was evident on his face as he started to squirm around again, and of course this caused the whole structure to shake again.

‘I can’t hold it, oh archons I really can’t hold it anymore…’ he kept thinking, paying no attention to the consequences of his desperate actions.

At seeing this, Furong strongly kicked the wooden post below it in retaliation and frustration at the shaking. This jostled Kazuha once more, and his control completely slipped from him. He felt the warmth begin to slowly saturate his pants with a very distressed groan, still trying desperately to keep a semblance of control by tightening his shaky muscles and keeping wound up, but it was too late. The pitter patter of his pee hitting the wood below him rung in his ears.

As Furong opened her mouth to shout up, Beidou hushed her.

“Kazuha, I’m coming up there okay?” She called up to him out of worry. She knew the crows nest could be dangerous, and she didn’t want him to be hurt.

“N-No! Please…. Don’t.. come up….” he pleaded, still in the process of completely wetting himself. This didn’t stop Beidou, who had no idea, from making her way up the rope.

Beidou reached the top of the rope and half climbed into the crows nest before her eyes glued onto the slowly expanding puddle that was beneath the ronin. Tears begun streaming down Kazuha’s now rosy cheeks as he finished having his accident, and he furiously tried to wipe them away. Beidou hopped into a mostly dry spot and reached over to rub his back gently.

“I-I’m so sorry captain Beidou, I couldn’t-“ Kazuha began to stutter out before getting interrupted.

“Furong shouldn’t have put you up here, there was no way it was going to end well. Okay? It happens.” She said in a low voice so nobody else could hear their conversation.

“Plus… Liushi’s done way worse up here.” she said with a chuckle, glad to see Kazuha’s eyes widen in surprise.

“Really…? I don’t think I want to know..” he mumbles, but he was comforted in the knowledge that he’s not done the worst.

“I’d never lie about such a traumatizing moment.” Beidou paused to shudder for a second before continuing. “But anyway, climb down as best as you can and rinse off, then take a rest. That’s an order from your captain.” She smiled at him, beginning her descent before he could say anything back.

Wiping his eyes a final time, he swung his damp legs over the rail and begun to climb down after.

Kazuha cringed at the way the air hit his now cold lower half, speeding up his shaky climbing and dismounting. He tried to ignore everyone staring at him as he made a break for the living quarters to clean off like Beidou suggested.

“Furong, next time you need a replacement just go up yourself. You know how he is.” Beidou scolded, “And certainly don’t yell and kick his way, I will not tolerate such behaviour on the Alcor.”

Furong looked almost terrified. “But captain, why me? Isn’t it my job to stay on the deck?” She protested.

“It was, but not anymore. Don’t treat him like that ever again, understood?” Beidou demanded with a powerful strength in her voice.

A terrified “Yes captain!” was the reply she received.